- Alan and Walden are stuck at home with their feuding girlfriends on Valentine's Day because of a torrential storm.
- Walden and Alan can't prevent their girlfriends starting a bitching war after commoner Lyndsey's vicious reaction to a snob remark from socialite Oxford graduate Zoey. A mudslide during a rainstorm locks them in the beach-house on Valentine's Day. Walden does well to appease Zoey in bed, but Alan's verbal bungling enrages Lindsey further, leading to a fake orgasm shouting contest. The boys flee on an errant despite the torrent just to avoid the war-zone. Ironically while they nearly drown, the girls sanctimoniously make up.—KGF Vissers
- "Two and a Half Men" - "Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy" - Feb. 13, 2012
It is a rainy night in Malibu. Alan is rubbing Lyndsey's feet. He's very good at it, his mom made him do it to get dessert. She says when he's done she'll give him dessert. His response: "Thank you mommy." Awkward.
Walden and Zoey return from the opera. She thought it was magnificent, and even Walden was touched. Lyndsey is not an opera fan. Zoey says it's not for everyone you have to have refined taste and education. Lyndsey is of course offended.Zoey says she didn't mean it to be pejorative. Zoey went to Oxford and Harvard. Lyndsey went to community college. Zoey walks off singing opera and gets in another dig to Lyndsey.
Later, both couples are in bed and the women are both annoyed even as the men try to get it on with them. Zoey thinks Lyndsey is snobbish and condescending, which of course she is. She also calls Alan a loser. Lyndsey meanwhile say Zoey's problem is she thinks she's better than everyone else and like her poop doesn't stink. Alan assures her that Lyndsey's poop stinks. Zoey and Lyndsey both continue to complain about each other as Walden and Alan keep trying to make it happen.
Later that night Lyndsey apologizes to Alan for ruining their night. She wants to make it up to him. But just as they're about to get it on they overhear Zoey's moans. Instead of having actual sex, Lyndsey just answers with her own moans. It turns out Zoey is faking it too.
The next morning Walden wishes Alan a happy Valentine's day. Walden admits that all of last night's noise was a ruse, while Alan claims he had the best sex of his life.
Zoey and Lyndsey meet at the stairs and bicker with each other. Turns out Walden and Zoey are flying to Cabo San Lucas on his private jet and she tells Lyndsey to make her jealous. Lyndsey says she and Alan have big plans. She claims they're going to a bed and breakfast where they'll have wine, read poetry, and have great sex. He says it's a classic Valentine's trilogy: sips, sonnets, and sodomy. (And there's our episode title.) Lyndsey offers Zoey a poem: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a nice person and you can bite my pale unrefined ass. Zoey says a lady doesn't bite but she will be happy to make her wear that ass as a bonnet. Just then there's a big noise outside and they rush to the door to see a giant sinkhole has opened up where the street used to be due to the storm. Looks like no one's going anywhere and the four of them are stuck together. The ladies are not happy.
Zoey calls to say she won't be picking up her daughter. Lyndsey calls to tell her son she'll be early, a lie so he won't wreck the house. Zoey gloats about their differing relationships with their children. They start to bicker again and Lyndsey is about to make it physical. Alan and Walden pull them apart. Alan points out they have plenty of options video games, music, movies. And then the power goes out. In their respective rooms Zoey fumes to Walden and Lyndsey tells Alan she's gotten her period-- "oh joy, my bloody valentine," he says-- and that he has to go get her tampons because she is out. He protests about the weather and he tells her to ask Zoey. She's not having it and runs him off to the drugstore. When Zoey angrily yells for him Walden decides to go with him and they brave the crazy weather.
Back at the house Zoey and Lyndsey go head to head again. Zoey helps herself to some of Lyndsey's wine.
Back in the rain Walden says if Zoey and Lyndsey don't start playing nice Alan will need to find a new place to live. Alan offers to find a new girlfriend instead.
Back at the house the ladies make tentative steps towards getting along, but not for long. Lyndsey asks Zoey what her "plan" is for the young, gorgeous billionaire, essentially accusing her of gold digging. Zoey protests that she really likes him but, were she to have a plan what would Lyndsey suggest. Lyndsey suggests swapping her pill for tic tacs. They start getting friendly.
Back in the rain Alan is nearly washed away by a mudslide.
Back in the house Zoey and Lyndsey bond over stories of their awful exes. They agree they both traded up. Lyndsey got a tampon from Zoey. Their cycles have synced up. They admit they've been bitchy to the boys and hope they're okay. We cut to Walden holding on Alan in the flood. Alan's phone rings and he tells Lyndsey they're in a situation. She asks for ice cream. Alan asks Walden to just let him go.
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