"The Angry Video Game Nerd" Schwarzenegger Games (TV Episode 2012) Poster

(TV Series)

(2012)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

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Photos 

James Rolfe in The Angry Video Game Nerd (2004)

Quotes 

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Why put the cryptic stage in the beginning? To prevent kids from seeing the rest of the game? Who would want to play this game anyway? I'd rather have a Sasquatch sit on my face and shit diarrhea down my throat. I am dead fucking serious! What a shitload of fuck! What were they thinking?

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yeah! This is a man's game! This game will turn you into a sexual tyrannosaur... like me!

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : I remember playing this game as a kid. It was a Friday night, I finished all my homework, my mom took me to the video store, I rented this game, I took it home and played it, and it just fucking pissed me off and ruined my whole goddamn weekend!

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Then there's this part with mysterious holes with... things coming out. Now, I know what we're all thinking of. Glory holes, alright?

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Why are there dogs hanging on me like a turd hanging onto a poodle's ass?

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : This game sucks so bad the enemy soldiers commit suicide.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : I'm not fucking around here! Ah... I'm not fucking around!

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Damn. It looks like the NES just vomited all over your TV screen.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : You get the pitchfork from a devil, a devil that only appears when you cut down a hanging skeleton that I thought was only there for decoration! Fuck you and your cryptic shit! In true Dragon's Lair fashion, the first level of the game is a mindfuck.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Wow! They sure followed the movie pretty closely! You know the plot. A special forces team lead by Alan Dutch Schaefer dressed in hot pink go on a mission to rescue hostages in Central America. They're hunted by piranha balloons, plants that spit fireballs, Lolos or Shyguys, chickens with skull masks, giant bacteria, metroids and birds that crap blood. Now I know two NES games with birds that crap blood! The other being Daydreaming Davey.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : You get her gun and start attacking her with bullets... which seem to take no more damage than her fists.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Come to think of it, I just realized that you're playing an NES game where you shoot your wife. I can imagine that going over well with the parents.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : There's so many scenes in that movie that left such an impression on me since I was a kid. It was one of the first R-rated movies I've ever seen. I remember the alien with the three tits and the guy coming out of its stomach and the eyeballs popping out on the surface of Mars and Arnold trying to rip that tracking device out through his nose! If you're expecting to see any of that in the game... then you're just out of your mind.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : The best part is when you go into a movie theater to watch the movie this game is based on. It's just a credit crawl for all the game designers to laugh in your face. I miss Fred Fucks.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Whoever made this game, you can go eat a bowl of fuck! I think it was made by the Assholeons from the planet Ass!

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : We gotta find a good Schwarzenegger game, or this'll be a great stain on the pages of gaming history.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Maybe the sword is imaginary and you're only hitting them with your fists? I don't know.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Is he wearing pink? Why'd they put him in pink? Did they see the movie? He doesn't wear pink in the movie! That's not an appropriate army color! I don't know. Maybe he's in pink to stand out from the dull graphics. The graphics are as ugly and dirty as this game's mom.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Aside from the army soldiers, there are also these scorpions, which you can jump on and have them take you for a ride... but only the green scorpions. What? Did you think you can ride on the red scorpions? What are you crazy?

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : You kill more Predators in this game than the Predator kills people in the movie.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : This game blows ass! Sucks duck cunt! Fucking shit-munching pile of poop!

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : You're kidding me! You can fall through the walls? That's like if you can fall through the staircases of your own house.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Look. The bird got stuck. This game is so messed up, even the enemies can't play it.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Arnold looks much bigger in this mode, and they call this segment of the game "Big Mode"! How creative.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Now he's wearing green? I guess because pink wouldn't stand out as much against the purple background? As if this game has standards.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : How can bubbles kill you? Maybe when you're so masculine, little sissy things like bubbles become your Kryptonite.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Every muscle in your body tenses when you jump.

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : I'm so fucking pissed I'm seeing red! I can hold a chainsaw up to a baby's throat! I can kick a baby pony!

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : Your mother! Your father! Your uncle! Your uncle!

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : [the on game screen reads: "Congratulations. You have survived."]  Barely!

  • The Angry Video Game Nerd : You press down to jump. Whoever came up with that idea is a real cocksucker... who sucks cock.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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