- Johan: I'll describe my take on security. The way I see it... loneliness is absolute. Anything else is an illusion. Never expect anything but trouble. If something nice happens, all the better. Just don't imagine you can do away with loneliness. A sense of togetherness can be created in, say, religion, politics, love, art. But loneliness is still all-encompassing. The treacherous part is that every once in a while you're struck by an illusion of togetherness. Just remember that it is an illusion. That makes it easier when everything returns to normal. You have to face the fact that loneliness reigns supreme. It puts an end to your moaning. Then you feel safe and secure. And you learn to accept how pointless it all is with a certain satisfaction. I don't mean you should be resigned. You should carry on as best you can, if only because it's better to do your best than to give up.
- Marianne: [reading from her therapy journal] I've never led a dramatic life. I have no gift for that sort of thing. But for the first time I feel excited by the prospect of finding out exactly what I want to do in life. In the snug world Johan and I lived in, taking everything for granted, there is an implied cruelty and brutality that frightens me more and more when I think back on it.
- Marianne: I've been thinking about this all this time. About having sex with you. I've been longing for you. But after you leave, I'd be left with my longing, and I don't want that. Don't you realize I'm in love with you? Sometimes I hate you for what you did to me. Sometimes I don't think of you for hours, and it's heaven. I have everything I could want. I have my friends, even lovers. There's the kids and my job that I enjoy and am good at. Yet I'm bound to you. I don't know why. Maybe I'm a masochist, or the kind of woman who can only ever love one man. I don't know. It's so hard, Johan. I don't want to live with anyone but you. Other men bore me. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, or blackmail you emotionally. I'm just telling you how I feel. That's why I can't bear you kissing me and making love to me. I can't explain it any other way. Because you'll walk away, and I'll be left longing for you. I've sort of enjoyed having you at a distance. So let's keep our hands to ourselves. You'll just leave me devastated.
- Marianne: You should know I think about you all the time. Wondering if you're all right, or if you're afraid or lonely. Every day, several times a day, I wonder what I did to cause the breach between us. I know it's a childish way of thinking, but there you are. What did I do wrong?
- Marianne: [reading from her therapy journal] The most momentous deception began at puberty. All my thoughts, feelings and actions revolved around sex. But this I never told my parents. Or anyone at all, for that matter. Being deceitful and secretive became second nature to me. My father wanted me to follow in his footsteps and become a lawyer. I dropped hints that I wanted to be an actress, or do something else in the world of theater. But they laughed at me. Since then I go on pretending, faking my relationships with others, with men, always putting on an act in a desperate attempt to please. I've never considered what I want, but only, 'What does he want me to want?' It's not unselfishness, as I used to believe. It's sheer cowardice. Even worse, it stems from my being ignorant of who I am.
- Marianne: You spoke earlier about loneliness. That bit about being strong on your own. I don't believe in your gospel of isolation. I think it's a sign of weakness.
- Johan: The best thing about Paula was that she taught me how to fight. Even hitting her wasn't out of bounds. You wouldn't believe me if I told you everything. Sometimes it was like some grotesque play in which I was both actor and audience. Our fights would last for days on end until we collapsed from sheer exhaustion.
- Johan: What's wrong, Marianne?
- Marianne: It's so humiliating.
- Johan: What's humiliating?
- Marianne: I think about you... and I think about myself and about the future. I can't see how you're going to cope without me. Sometimes I think in desperation, "I must look after Johan. He's my responsibility. It's up to me to make sure he's all right. That's the only way my life will be worthwhile." I don't believe people are strong all on their own. You have to have someone's hand to hold.
- Johan: I'm still in love with you.
- Marianne: Why say that when it isn't true?
- Johan: Don't you think I've longed for you? I have. We were good together. We were friends. We had fun. If we feel like having sex, why shouldn't we? It only shows we still long for each other. Why have all these reservations? Why worry about tomorrow?
- Marianne: [He continues kissing her, until she pushes him away] No, Johan. Johan, I don't want to. I want you to stop it! I don't want to pine and weep and long for you. Please understand. This is really how it is. It's no good. If you're going to persist, you might as well leave. I don't want to sleep with you. Please try to understand.
- Johan: I'm trying to understand, but I can't.
- Marianne: [reading from her therapy journal] The trappings of security come at a high price: the constant erosion of your personality.
- Marianne: [reading from her therapy journal] In a flash I see what kind of person I would have been had I never allowed myself to be brainwashed. And I wonder whether I'm hopelessly lost, whether the potential for joy that was innate in me is dead, or whether it merely lies dormant and can be awakened.
- Johan: It's funny, come to think of it. Has it ever struck you that emptiness hurts? You'd think it would make you dizzy, or queasy in spirit. But this void inside me is physically painful. It stings like a burn. Or like when you were little and you'd been crying, and the whole inside of your body ached. At times, Paula's tremendous political commitment astonishes me. She's so sincere, and so very involved within her group. Her conviction answers her questions and fills the void inside her. I wish I could live the way she does. I really mean that, without any sarcasm.