Mike Jeavons: Mike J.

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Mike J. : Hello, I'm a British person, and I'd like to introduce you to the new me. I have a new suit and everything. Uh, it's not really the new me, because that's all it is really. Anyway, it's a nice way to kick off "Themed Month". So, what film can I look at that Obscurus Lupa and Phelous haven't already covered? Well, I-I suppose you already know that since you've clicked on the link to see the video. Uh, or you might have just clicked on the link because you like the look of my face. Beethoven was a decent family flick, and while 2 wasn't quite as good, it still held its own. At least it had the same family in the lead role, which I can't say is applicable to 3, 4, 5, or 6. So, let's kick off this shitfest with Beethoven's 3rd. Yay.

• [last lines] 

  Mike J. : Beethoven's 3rd is a terrible movie. You know, it isn't even a movie, because... in order for it to qualify as being a movie, it has to have a story. This is literally a group of people and a dog moving from one location to the next while two idiots follow them trying to get a disk; it's the same scene repeated over and over, occasionally interjected with a 10-year-old boy trying to get his rocks off with a 13-year-old girl. If I wanted to watch children having sex, I'd go and watch children having sex.

  [realises what he just said] 

  Mike J. : Wait.

• Mike J. : [about Tommy and Bill and their mission to retrieve the DVD]  I really have to question why these completely inept people were given this task to begin with? I wouldn't trust them to piss without getting it on the seat, let alone retrieve what is apparently a very important disc of data.