- Professor Lucas Damon: As Boraz said, "With every goodbye, you learn."
- Blaire Bennett: As Steinbeck said, "Farewell has a sweet sound of reluctance. Goodbye is short and final. "
- Ted: As Hemingway said, "I wonder what this gun tastes like."
- Ted: So you have a few drinks, big deal! You know what nobody ever talks about with drunk driving? How fun it is!
- Ted: Oh, my God, Blaire, it's so obvious! He invites you to his place, he gets you drunk...
- Blaire Bennett: Okay, I'm *not* drunk.
- Ted: What are you talking about?
- [mimics her reaction to the professor's salad:]
- Ted: "I love that there are no croutons."
- Blaire Bennett: Yeah, it's called being polite.
- Ted: When did you become...
- Blaire Bennett: You should fucking try it.
- Ted: ... anti-crouton just for this *buttnut?*
- Blaire Bennett: I'm trying to make fucking conversation.
- Ted: And by the way, I'm guessing this is the first time he's seen you dressed *like this,* as opposed to your usual fashion, which is basically Melissa Etheridge at a flea market.
- Blaire Bennett: I know when I'm being hit on, okay? I have seven uncles.
- Ted: You know what else? I'm just gonna say it. That salad tastes like Dustin Hoffman's balls!
- Ted: [bathing, singing Macarena, then:] Ah, where's the goddamn conditioner?
- [pulls back bath curtain]
- Blaire Bennett: [blindfolded, arms outstretched, hands grasping - playing Watcher In The Woods] Help me!
- Ted: Ah!
- Blaire Bennett: Be my designated driver!
- Ted: Jesus Christ, Blaire, what the fuck!
- Blaire Bennett: Well?
- Ted: What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm naked!
- Blaire Bennett: You're always naked.
- Ted: Yeah, but I'm bathroom naked. I'm washing my bear parts. Get lost!
- [draws bath curtain closed in a huff]