- Oderus Urungus: I'm an alien monster not Casper the stupid ghost!
- Adam: Friendly. Casper's a friendly ghost.
- Oderus Urungus: Oh whatever. He sucks and you suck for knowing that!
- Corri: I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding!
- Joe: Apparently so is Adam this week.
- Corri: Some guy bit me on my arm!
- Laura: We've all got problems today, Corri. I'm trying to fill out a wicked hard application, take a number.
- Corri: I am bleeding!
- Joe: My Diet Coke is flat! Do we really wanna start this right now, Corri?
- Adam: Some guy bit you? Where?
- Laura: On her arm. Do you even read the scripts you write?
- Adam: No, I mean where did it happen?
- Corri: I was walking out of the hospital and some crazy guy was being dragged in by the EMT.
- Laura: Aww, I always get so sad when ET goes home.
- Corri: No, EMT? The ambulance driver?
- Laura: [Pointing to Corri's injury, ala ET] "Ooooouch."
- Corri: A werewolf? Seriously? How much have you guys had to drink tonight?
- Joe: Not a drop! There's no carbonation in this soda whatsoever!
- Adam: Not now, Joe.
- Joe: Oh, Oh, let's just make it all about the B-story, huh?
- Adam: B-Story? What's the A-story line?
- Joe: [Joe points at his flat Diet Coke]
- Adam: Wow, we're getting pretty desperate for story lines, huh?
- Joe: Yeah.
- Corri: If you don't let me go to the bathroom right now I am never talking to any of you again ever.
- Adam: Get the party bucket, Joe.
- Corri: The party bucket?
- Joe: You know, sometimes when you've got the spins and...
- Corri: - I am not peeing in a bucket!
- Adam: Fine! I'll take you to the bathroom.
- Corri: No. Laura can take me.
- Adam: I really think I should be the one to take you to the bathroom, Corri.
- Corri: You are not watching me pee, Adam.
- Adam: Damnit.
- Adam: You're dreaming, dreaming, dreaming. Go back to sleep, sleep, sleep. Get back together with Adam, Adam Adam...
- Lance Rockett: Fake Eddie Van Halen is passing a kidney stone so the band is on hiatus until he pops that sucker out.
- Adam: How metal.
- Lance Rockett: Kidney stones are not metal. Lance Rockett always says, "Drink plenty of water, watch for calcium build-up, and stay in school." Words I live by. That, and... "Always shave the taint."
- Lance Rockett: On second thought, maybe I should go see if Fake Eddie needs any help passing that stone through his... penis. Penis. PENIIII-IS- YEAH!