- Nathan Shelley: [hesitantly answers the door] You here to kill me?
- Coach Beard: Ted and I met playing college football. He was the backup punter, and I was the backup kicker. We never got in a game, but we spent a lot of time together, jogging and doing box jumps. After school, we went our separate ways. He was dating Michelle, got into coaching. And I got into prison. When I got paroled... I had no money, my family didn't want me. I had nowhere to go. So I looked up Ted. He took me in, fed me, let me crash on his couch. And in return, I stole his car. Now, I didn't get far. And I would've gone straight back to prison if Ted didn't come down there and convince those cops that he gave me the car.
- Nathan Shelley: Just like in "Les Mis".
- Coach Beard: Our story is very similar to "Les Mis", yes.
- Nathan Shelley: You went to prison?
- Coach Beard: Yes. For stealing a loaf of meth. And then I stole from my friend. Who forgave me. And gave me a job, and a life.
- [takes a deep breath]
- Coach Beard: So to honor that, I forgive you. I offer you a job. The life part's up to you.
- Nathan Shelley: [stunned] Thank you.
- [pause]
- Nathan Shelley: You sure you don't want to headbutt me? I think it might make us both feel better.
- [Beard steps inside, grabs Nate's head, then gently touches his forehead to Nate's]
- Coach Beard: Monday. 10:00 am.
- Pep Guardiola: Don't worry about the wins or losses. Just help these guys be the best version of themselves on and off the pitch. This, at the end, is the most important thing
- Ted Lasso: Mom, what's wrong? Why are you here?
- Dottie Lasso: What do you mean?
- Ted Lasso: I mean, if you got something you need to say to me, I'd appreciate it if you just went ahead and said it.
- Dottie Lasso: Oh, stop. I just want to spend my last night in London with my son and make sure everything's all right.
- Ted Lasso: [beat] Yeah, okay. Well, thank you for cooking dinner. Both of 'em.
- Dottie Lasso: Oh, you're welcome.
- Ted Lasso: And fuck you for not wanting to talk.
- Dottie Lasso: [taken aback] Excuse me?
- Ted Lasso: Thank you for flying all the way here to come see me. And fuck you for not telling me you were coming. Thank you for all the small, silly little things you did for me as a kid, you know, like hiding notes in my lunchbox or putting googly eyes on the fruit at the supermarket just to make me laugh. And fuck you for not working on yourself or seeking help after we lost Dad, and for not talking to me about it, either. Just glossing over the whole thing and acting like everything was all right.
- Dottie Lasso: [nods solemnly] I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do, Ted. So I pretended I was okay.
- Ted Lasso: Okay. Well, thank you for the apology. And fuck you for making me think I had to pretend, too.
- Dottie Lasso: [after Ted's blow-up] All right. I appreciate you sharing all this with me. I just wished you hadn't carried it around for so long.
- Ted Lasso: [scoffs] Yeah, okay.
- Dottie Lasso: And, uh... you're right, Ted, I do have something to say to you. Your son misses you.
- [pause]
- Ted Lasso: Yeah, I know. I miss him too.
- [starts to cry]
- Ted Lasso: It's just like I... it's like I'm scared sometimes to, like, to get close to that little boy.
- Dottie Lasso: Oh, honey, why?
- Ted Lasso: 'Cause I know he's gonna leave.
- Dottie Lasso: Oh, well...
- [comes forward to hug Ted]
- Dottie Lasso: God. No, no, no, no. You know... all right, that is the thing about being a parent. Sometimes you lose and sometimes you win, but most of the time you just tie. All we can do is keep playing.
- Ted Lasso: Right. Thank you.
- Dottie Lasso: [affectionately] Fuck you.
- [last lines]
- Ted Lasso: What's up?
- Rebecca Welton: Do you know what time it is?
- Ted Lasso: [checks his phone] 9:30. Or half nine, as you folks say over here for some goofy-ass reason.
- Rebecca Welton: That's just to annoy Americans.
- Ted Lasso: Yeah.
- Rebecca Welton: No, this is that time of year when I come down here and reveal something to you.
- Ted Lasso: Oh, snap, that's right! Okay. Well, here we go. You know what? Maybe I should guess this year. No, no, no, that's silly. Yeah, no, just go ahead and tell me. Go on, let 'er rip.
- [pause]
- Rebecca Welton: I've got nothing. I really tried as well. I mean, even on the walk over here, I was thinking something would pop into my head, but... nope. Absolutely nothing. Sorry, Ted. No truth bomb this year.
- Ted Lasso: Mmm. Well, that's okay. I got one.
- Ted Lasso: So this morning, I don't just bring biscuits. I also have a very special surprise guest.
- Rebecca Welton: Oh. How exciting. To whom do I owe the pleasure?
- Dottie Lasso: I'm Coach Lasso's new bodyguard. Please keep your hands where I can see them.
- [giggles]
- Dottie Lasso: I'm just kidding. You can keep them well-manicured mitts of yours wherever you like.
- Rebecca Welton: Oh my God. You're Ted's mother!
- Dottie Lasso: Winner, winner, B.F. Skinner!
- Mae Green: They may not mean to, but they do.
- [chuckles]
- Mae Green: They fill you with the faults they had and add some extra just for you.
- [chuckles]
- Mae Green: But the were fucked up in their turn, by fools in old-style hats and coats, who half the time were soppy-stern and half at one another's throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf.
- [chuckles]
- Mae Green: Get out as early as you can and don't have any kids yourself.
- Nathan Shelley: Don't think the cleaners actually cleaned the floor.
- Jade: There are no cleaners.
- Nathan Shelley: So why do we put the chairs on the tables?
- Jade: The patriarchy.
- Nathan Shelley: Okay. Oh, well. I'll just, um... just go get a broom.
- Rebecca Welton: You know, I was thinking I should travel abroad.
- Ted Lasso: Mmm. Eat, Pray, Love style, right?
- Rebecca Welton: Well, more like Drink, Sleep, Fuck.
- Ted Lasso: Mm-hmm.
- Ted Lasso: I hope that either all of us or none of us are judged by the actions of our weakest moments, but rather the strength we show when and if we're ever given a second chance.
- Roy Kent: Oi! Tartt! Boot room! Now!
- Dottie Lasso: Somebody is in trouble.
- Trent Crimm: Hm? No. Shouting is Roy's love language.
- Dottie Lasso: Oh.