- Mike Heck: Well, your mom's going back to school. If you want a new car, you'll have to get a second job to pay for it.
- Axl Heck: So, I'm gonna have two jobs, she's gonna have none? You're the mom! You're the one who's supposed to be working herself to death.
- [pauses]
- Axl Heck: Wait. You guys are messing with me, right? This is all a big set-up. Is my new car outside the window?
- Mike Heck: You're not getting a car, you idiot. We'll be lucky if we don't have to sell one of ours to pay for Mom's school.
- Axl Heck: What? I can't believe you're telling me this. These are adult problems. Whatever happened to protecting our feelings? Whatever happened to not upsetting the kids?
- Frankie Heck: We thought you'd be mature enough to handle it.
- Axl Heck: Well, I'm not, so, from now on, don't be sitting us down and telling us bad things. We'll just assume those are happening.
- Frankie Heck: We decided that instead of me getting another random job, I'm gonna go back to school and pursue an actual career. But that means in the short-term, we're all gonna have to tighten our belts around here.
- Axl Heck: Oh, my God. I thought you were getting me a car, and now you're saying we're gonna be even poorer? I can't believe this! I was so nice to you guys all summer. I barely even yelled at you, and this is how you thank me?
- Axl Heck: Mom! These chips are stale.
- Frankie Heck: [crying] I'm never gonna amount to anything. I'm a big, fat failure.
- Axl Heck: You know what? I like 'em.
- Frankie Heck: I don't know what I was thinking. I can't go back to school.
- Axl Heck: [eating] I like 'em chewy. They're like gum. They're like chip gum.
- [spits out chips]