Teacher's Pet (TV Series)

Being Mrs. Leadready (2000)

Shaun Fleming: Leonard Helperman

Quotes 

• Spot Helperman : Dilemma: Scott should have a fashionable mother. Someone who's not afraid to show a little leg. But... would her knees be this scabby?

  [He shudders] 

  Spot Helperman : I guess we'll have to go with the less stylish mid-calf length to hide the scabs. Oh, well. We'll just draw the eye away from the problem area with a bold scarf statement. Pretty Boy! Be a dear and fly me over that polka dot number.

  Pretty Boy : This is sick.

  Leonard Amadeus Helperman : Yeah! I keep telling him! Boys are not meant to play their dog's mother.

  Pretty Boy : No, I'm talking about a polka dot scarf with a floral dress. I'm retchin' here from a clash already!

  [Mr. Jolly blows a raspberry] 

  Mr. Jolly : Since when are you Mr. Fashion?

  Pretty Boy : Since they started papering my cage with the Style section, Smart Guy.

• [Leonard and Spot have arrived at the Parent-Teacher conference wearing the same getup] 

  Leonard Amadeus Helperman : What are *you* doing here?

  Spot Helperman : What am *I* doing here? What are *you* doing here? The last thing I recall you saying was, "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, I don't hear you! I'm not doing this!"

  Leonard Amadeus Helperman : Well, it's a woman's prerogative to change his mind. Besides, you're my best friend.

  [One of his fake breasts slips] 

  Leonard Amadeus Helperman : I gotta help you no matter what.

  Spot Helperman : Oh, Leonard. That's is so...

  [Leonard's other fake breast slips out and bounces across the hallway] 

  Spot Helperman : BALL!

  [Spot leaps across the hallway and deftly catches the ball in his mouth, bringing it back to Leonard] 

  Spot Helperman : I can't believe you used one of my toys.

• Leonard Amadeus Helperman : What took you so long?

  Spot Helperman : You try pulling a zipper up your back with a pair of paws!

• Spot Helperman : No, that's not right... I wear the heels with the hair and the sneakers with the shorts. Or is it the sneakers with the heels and the hair with the shorts? Oh, Leonard, I don't know what to do. I think I bit off more than I could chew.

  Leonard Amadeus Helperman : Yeah. Playing three different personalities is kind of a lot.

  Spot Helperman : Not the personalities. The bacon liver wraps. I should have stopped at six. Uh-oh, now the kitchen's starting to spin. I WANT MY MOMMY!

• Leonard Amadeus Helperman : Well, I guess if a dog can go to school, shouldn't be surprised you can sing.

  Spot Helperman : And beautifully.

• Principal Crosby Strickler : Leonard Helperman, why are you wearing a dress?

  [Leonard hesitates] 

  Leonard Amadeus Helperman : [trembling]  Uh... uh...

  Spot Helperman : [adopting a falsetto and a Southern accent]  Why, sir, the young man was just telling me about the marvelous research paper he's doing on gender roles in our society. He's quite a credit to this school.

• Leonard Amadeus Helperman : He bought it! That was genius! Pure genius!

  Spot Helperman : Yeah, well, Principal Strickler's a pushover for a gorgeous woman like me.