Modern Family (TV Series)
When a Tree Falls (2012)
Jesse Tyler Ferguson: Mitchell Pritchett
Quotes
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Cameron Tucker : You're a list maker. I'm a dreamer. Sean Penn would play me in a movie, or Anne Hathaway if they were going for a female-driven vehicle.
Mitchell Pritchett : Who would be playing your long suffering partner?
Cameron Tucker : Julianne Moore either way.
Mitchell Pritchett : I would see that. I totally would.
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Cameron Tucker : Mitchell, where we the first day Lily rolled over?
Mitchell Pritchett : Under this tree.
Cameron Tucker : Where is home base when we play hide and go seek?
Mitchell Pritchett : Under this tree.
Cameron Tucker : And where did we take shelter during that dangerous lightning storm?
Mitchell Pritchett : Wasn't a good idea, but it was under this tree.
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Lily Tucker-Pritchett : It's a nightmare.
Mitchell Pritchett : Well, someone's picked up her daddy's gift for hyperbole.
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Park Worker : My supervisor wants to know if you have a history of mental illness.
Cameron Tucker : No, sir, I do not.
Mitchell Pritchett : Eh. Mm.
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Mitchell Pritchett : Cam, what are you doing up there?
Cameron Tucker : I came down to say goodbye to the tree, give it one final hug, and before I knew it, was up here.
Mitchell Pritchett : When you say "one final hug"...
Cameron Tucker : If I'm occupying the tree, they can't cut it down. I Googled it. It's a thing.
Mitchell Pritchett : Okay, Lily, see, this is a nightmare.
Lily Tucker-Pritchett : Tell me about it.
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Cameron Tucker : Mitchell, I get two more shows! Kenny Van Heffington's toenail is infected!
Mitchell Pritchett : Just get up here, all right? The crew has to leave at dark, so you have until then.
Cameron Tucker : Easy peasy. Sweetie, tell Daddy what you thought of my performance.
Lily Tucker-Pritchett : Transcendent.
Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, jeez.
Cameron Tucker : Is this sap?
[he licks his hand like a cat licking its paw]
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Mitchell Pritchett : All right, Cam, let's hear. What's the plan?
Cameron Tucker : I don't know. I'm sort of making it up as I go.
Mitchell Pritchett : Are you sure you wanna do this?
Cameron Tucker : Yes. I've never been more sure about anything in my life. We need to teach our daughter the value of taking a stand, no matter the sacrifice!
[his cell phone rings]
Cameron Tucker : Hello? Done. I'll be right there.
[hanging up]
Cameron Tucker : Mitchell, you need to get up here. I have to go.
Mitchell Pritchett : Excuse me?
Cameron Tucker : That was my theater troupe. An actor's sick. I have to go and do the matinee.
Mitchell Pritchett : What happened to showing Lily the value of taking a stand?
Cameron Tucker : It's the lead. It's also important to show her the value of honoring one's commitments. And in this case, my commitment preceded my stand!
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Terry : All right, pal. Come down from the tree.
Mitchell Pritchett : Sorry, can't do that.
Terry : Come down before we pull you down.
Terry's Partner : Wh... hey. Ease up. What's the problem?
Mitchell Pritchett : Look, I don't wanna be up here. You know? But this is my daughter's favorite tree. And my partner, he's all up in arms about them cutting it down, so...
Terry's Partner : Well, if your partner's so worked up, why isn't he here?
Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, well, that's a very good question. It's because he starts things and he doesn't finish them, so then I have to.
Terry's Partner : Just like my wife. You know, my therapist would say we're enabling them.
Terry : You and your therapist.
Terry's Partner : Well, I wouldn't have to see him if you hadn't shot that guy.
Terry : Aw, that again? Look, let's just spray him with the fire hose.
Terry's Partner : You're not helping, Terry. It's not your fight. So why don't you do us a favor and come on down?
Mitchell Pritchett : Because he's right, all right? That's the frustrating part. I-I've been sitting up here these past few hours, and... this tree is beautiful, okay? And I-I can hear the... the squirrels dancing through the branches, you know, chasing each other. No idea what's about to happen. You know, this isn't just a tree. This is a home.
Park Worker : Yeah, to, like, a hundred rats. They're all over this thing.
Mitchell Pritchett : Well, that changes nothing. I will wait you guys out all night if I have to.
[dialing his phone]
Mitchell Pritchett : Cam, you got 20 minutes and I'm out of this tree.
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Mitchell Pritchett : Cam, do you remember why I didn't want you to swap out the handles on Lily's dresser?
Cameron Tucker : Because you lack a designer's eye and fear change?
Mitchell Pritchett : No. Because I was afraid two weeks would go by and we'd still be using a spatula to get at Lily's clothes.
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Cameron Tucker : They are literally chainsawing paradise to put up a parking lot.
Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, it's too bad.
Cameron Tucker : We have to do something.
Mitchell Pritchett : Well, if we knew earlier, we could.
Cameron Tucker : I blame myself. I've taken on too much.
Mitchell Pritchett : What exactly have you taken on?
Cameron Tucker : Are you kidding me? Teaching music? This dresser handle project? My role in the musical?
Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, that.
Cameron Tucker : You know what? I don't like your tone. The understudy's the most challenging role in any production. You have to be ready at a moment's notice to go on and face a disappointed audience who was there to see Kenny Van Heffington.
Mitchell Pritchett : Our insurance guy?
Cameron Tucker : He's breathtaking.
Mitchell Pritchett : Really?
Cameron Tucker : Yeah, I hate him. Anyway, what was I talking about?
Mitchell Pritchett : Putting new handles on the dresser.
Cameron Tucker : Right. The tree. I have to do something.
Lily Tucker-Pritchett : [trying to open a drawer with a spatula] I can't live like this.
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Cameron Tucker : Guess what they are cutting down at the park today.
Mitchell Pritchett : A tree.
Cameron Tucker : Yes. How did you know that?
Mitchell Pritchett : I played a hunch.