Modern Family (TV Series)

When a Tree Falls (2012)

Paul Scheer: Store Manager

Photos 

Quotes 

• Claire Dunphy : Why would I buy hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise and then steal a $20 sweatshirt?

  Store Manager : I don't know. Maybe you do it for the thrill. I know your type. You're a bored housewife, drives a minivan, husband spends a little too much time online. Got a couple of kids, a college degree you don't use.

  Claire Dunphy : You could not be more wrong.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Yes. She has three kids.

  Claire Dunphy : Okay. No, no, no. No, no. No, that's not helping. Look, as I said before, it was an accident.

  Store Manager : Heard it a thousand times. Grandmothers, businessmen, honor students, they all say the same thing: "it was an accident. I don't know how that clock radio got in my pants."

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Oh, for god's sake! I don't feel well. Let us go.

  Store Manager : Yeah, right. Is that even a baby? 'Cause from here, it looks like a turkey. I need you to sign this, admitting your guilt and promising you'll never return to this store.

  Claire Dunphy : I'm not signing that.

  Store Manager : Okay, great. Then I'm gonna call the police and I'll be forced to...

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ahh!

  Store Manager : [hearing liquid splatter on the floor]  What was that?

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : My water broke! I'm having the baby!