Modern Family (TV Series)

When a Tree Falls (2012)

Kevin High: Bill

Quotes 

• Phil Dunphy : Hey, guys, this is Jay, my father-in-law. Manny's stepdad.

  Bill : Hey, what's up, Jay-Lo?

  Jay Pritchett : Okay, guys, I'll see you later.

  Manny Delgado : What's the matter, Jay? Afraid to step outside your comfort zone?

  Jay Pritchett : I will send you back to Mexico.

• Jay Pritchett : So he's out in our yard and he's got a boombox; what's the name of that movie with the boombox?

  Jerry : Oh, "Say Anything."

  Jay Pritchett : Right, with John Mahoney. So anyway, he's out there, and he's begging Claire for forgiveness. She's still mad at him. She won't have any of it. So he turns it up full blast, and it's Olivia Newton-John.

  [laughter] 

  Jay Pritchett : And he starts singing, "Let's get Phil-sical!"

  Phil Dunphy : It was an inside joke.

  Jay Pritchett : Well, not anymore!

  Phil Dunphy : Okay, enough with the funny Phil stories.

  Jay Pritchett : No, but I haven't even gotten to the best part yet. So he's doing his little dance, and I can't take it anymore, so I nail him with the sprinklers!

  Phil Dunphy : Yep, and you also shorted out my boombox, which you said you'd replace and you never did.

  Jay Pritchett : I never said that!

  Phil Dunphy : Yes, you did. You still owe me one boombox, 12 "D" batteries, and an Olivia Newton-John cassingle.

  Jay Pritchett : Huh. Okay, uh... why don't we settle it in the ring? We get in there, and if you beat me, I'll buy you any boombox you want. If I beat you, then you've gotta do your little dance for everyone.

  Bill , Jerry : Yeah!

  Phil Dunphy : I'm in. Let's get Phil-sical.

• Phil Dunphy : Okay, hold still. And wait for it... this is what you'd look like fat and bald.

  Bill : On my phone, that app's called a camera.

  Phil Dunphy : Bill, don't do that to yourself. Let me tell you something. Ellen is one lucky woman.

  Jay Pritchett : [Phil's friends laugh]  Why is that funny?

  Phil Dunphy : Because she's married to Jerry.

  Jerry : Jay, you got any good apps?

  Jay Pritchett : I don't know. I got call waiting. Is that an app?

  [they laugh again] 

  Jay Pritchett : You guys laugh a lot, huh?

  Phil Dunphy : Jay's a little technologically challenged.

  Jay Pritchett : From a guy who can't drive a stick.

  Jerry : What?

  Bill : You can't?

  Phil Dunphy : Well...

  Jay Pritchett : He called me to rescue him one time. He got stuck on a hill. He was afraid to let go of the clutch. By the time I got there, traffic's backed up half a mile, everybody's yelling at him. He's in tears.

  Phil Dunphy : Not tears. Maybe sweat.

  Jay Pritchett : Yeah, sweatin' out your eyes.