Modern Family (TV Series)

Mistery Date (2012)

Jesse Tyler Ferguson: Mitchell Pritchett

Quotes 

• Cameron Tucker : If it were up to you, we'd get them something off their gift registry.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, you mean the list of things that they specifically said that they wanted?

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, they don't know what they want.

• Mitchell Pritchett : Something was clearly going on with my dad, but I-I wasn't about to get sucked in. It's happened before. "Dad you seem sad. Do you wanna talk?"

  [in a gruff impression of Jay] 

  Mitchell Pritchett : "Talk? What are we, girlfriends?" To use a sports reference, put the football away, Lucy. I ain't kickin'.

• Mitchell Pritchett : Doctor? Sweater vest? My dad acting all shifty? He was seeing a shrink. "Dad, I can see that you're going through something."

  [imitating Jay] 

  Mitchell Pritchett : "And I can see your bra strap, Oprah. Mind your own business." Tee up the football all you want, Lucy. Still ain't kickin'.

• Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Jay was supposed to cancel. We cannot go to lunch.

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, no.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : I am sorry, but he's supposed to pick up the crib at the store, and I am too tired. The baby kicked me all night. It's either going to be a football player or a chorus girl.

  Cameron Tucker : You can be both. My senior year, I was a right-side linebacker and a left-side cancan dancer in "Gigi."

  Mitchell Pritchett : Wow, she really set you up for that one, didn't she?

  Cameron Tucker : Yeah, when it came out of her mouth, I nearly stopped breathing.

• Jay Pritchett : What the hell is that?

  Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, that's the store mascot. That's Hug-A-Bunny. He goes around and he hugs...

  Jay Pritchett : No, I get it. Nice for flu season. He ought to be called Conjunctivitis Bunny.

• Mitchell Pritchett : Look, dad, I... I had to give up my home office for Lily's bedroom, and I was upset about it, too. Wasn't hugging bunnies, but...

  Jay Pritchett : All right.

  Mitchell Pritchett : I... I realize that it wasn't about an office or a room. It was about how Lily was gonna change everything. But once we got her in there, I don't know. I-I just... I never looked back.

  Jay Pritchett : Yeah, I guess I'm just nervous about everything, you know.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah.

  Jay Pritchett : Thanks, kid. You know, I'm just recalling me grumbling about giving up my MG Roadster when you and Claire came along. Great car. No backseat.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Isn't it funny? The stupid things that we think...

  Jay Pritchett : She was my baby.

  Mitchell Pritchett : [quietly to himself]  ... are so important.

• Mitchell Pritchett : Dad, you're obviously going through something. Look, y-you do not have to go through this alone. I'm here to talk if you want.

  Jay Pritchett : That's really nice of you, Mitchell, but do you wanna do it here? 'Cause I saw a Little Princess table with a tea set on it. You and I could have a real gabfest.

  Mitchell Pritchett : [in testimonial interviews]  Argh! I'm such a blockhead.

  Jay Pritchett : Can't we just get this into the car?

  Mitchell Pritchett : Why? So you're not late for your shrink session?

  Jay Pritchett : What?

  Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah, I picked up on that. Bunny hugger! Saw that, too. Mobile spinner.

  [bumping into Hug-A-Bunny as he leaves] 

  Mitchell Pritchett : I swear to God...

• Jay Pritchett : Okay, Mitch...

  Mitchell Pritchett : Too late. Not interested.

  Jay Pritchett : [locking the car doors]  Now, listen.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Okay, you know what? I'm just gonna go out the back.

  Jay Pritchett : Doors, sunroof, all on lockdown. Okay, look, that guy you met today, he is a shrink. But I don't see him all the time. Your mom and I saw him a little before the divorce. But every now and then, something comes up for me, and I go in for a tune-up.

  Mitchell Pritchett : If you're waiting for me to ask what's going on with you, you just better keep waiting, 'cause I learned my lesson.

  Jay Pritchett : I'm down about something; something I knew was coming, and now it's finally happening. We're turning my office into the nursery today.

  Mitchell Pritchett : You've been moping around like you lost your platoon over a room?

  Jay Pritchett : Not just a room. It's the only place in this house where I can still close the door and read a book or have a drink. Everything in there was mine. Ah, who cares? Everybody's got their problems.

  Mitchell Pritchett : [as Jay unlocks the doors, he locks them again]  No.

  Jay Pritchett : See, I can still open my door. You just locked yourself back in.

• Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Somebody has to tell you this. No. You try to control everything. You take over people's lives! It's always too much with you!

  Cameron Tucker : You know, maybe we should talk about this out in the hallway.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Oh, why, because there's gonna be better lighting over there? You're doing it again, Cam. You're doing it again!

  [turning and seeing a mural painted on the nursery wall] 

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ahh!

  Cameron Tucker : You're right. I am too much. I do control. I do barge. I'll have my friend Abelard come back and paint over it.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : So this is why you kept me outside all day? So that your friend Aburar could come and paint a present?

  Cameron Tucker : Yeah, rather than getting you a gift off your registry like a normal person. I'm so stupid.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : I love it!

  Cameron Tucker : You do?

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : It's just like you; full of color... and life... and love.

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, I really did think you'd love it.

  Jay Pritchett : What's going on up here?

  [seeing the mural] 

  Jay Pritchett : What the...

  Mitchell Pritchett : Okay, that was not my idea. I told Cam, I told him that's a lot to put on someone's wall.

  Jay Pritchett : Hold on. I like it.

  Cameron Tucker : Really? Oh...

  Jay Pritchett : Thanks, Cam.

  Mitchell Pritchett : You actually...

  Jay Pritchett : Makes it easier to give up the room.

• Clerk : [bringing the crib Jay bought out]  Here you go. For a small fee, we can come to your house and assemble it for you.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah, my dad's more of a do-it-yourselfer, plus he's not one for strangers in his personal space.

  Clerk : [behind them, Jay tries to keep Hug-A-Bunny from hugging him]  All right. Uh, well, can I help you carry it to your car?

  Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah, he's not gonna go for that, either. The guy won't even use the wheels on his suitcase. Likes everyone to think he's this big, tough guy who...

  [seeing Bunny hugging Jay] 

  Mitchell Pritchett : ...okay. Wow.

  Jay Pritchett : Yo! There he is. All right. Let's get this done.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Hey, dad, you know...

  Jay Pritchett : No, we don't need any help, Mitchell. Just pick up your end.

• Cameron Tucker : We have the most amazing gift for Jay and Gloria's nursery.

  Mitchell Pritchett : It was Cam's idea, and it's a pretty big swing.

  Cameron Tucker : It's not a swing. It's not a swing. I just need Jay and Gloria out of the house for a minimum of four hours so I can have my crew install it.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Simple.