- Lily Tucker-Pritchett: Who's going to take care of me?
- Cameron Tucker: Haley is.
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett: I'm serious.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Alex.
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett: Okay, let's go.
- Billy Dee Williams: Hello. I'm Billy Dee Williams.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Hello. I'm Gloria the wife.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Oh, my God! A classic Rolls Royce Corniche! I used to love this car. In my village, if you didn't drive one of these, you couldn't consider yourself a drug lord.
- Cameron Tucker: But your father wanted us together.
- Mitchell Pritchett: We're always together! How many times do we have to hear Claire tell us about Luke's comeback to the pediatrician?
- Cameron Tucker: We should start calling her Ranch House, because she doesn't have a second story.
- Alex Dunphy: You sure you don't want to play Hunger Games with us?
- Haley Dunphy: My whole life is a Hunger Game. Why do you think I'm so mean to you all the time?
- Manny Delgado: [Ending a disastrous blind date with the rude and stuck-up Joyce] She's right, Joyce. You are mean. I've been a gracious host while you've been rude, sullen, and dull. You'll forgive me if I choose not to start the New Year on such a negative note. Oh... and if you're hungry for broccoli later, you'll find a piece in your teeth.