- Larry Bird: Excuse me, but I'll have you know that I have a mug at my house that says I am the world's greatest father.
- Jackie Joyner-Kersee: He does. He bought it himself.
- Larry Bird: And they wouldn't sell it to me if it wasn't true. That would be illegal.
- Jackie Joyner-Kersee: That's true.
- Debbie Weaver: Well, Larry, I have a mug that says I'm Mrs. Clooney.
- Dick Butkus: Father, train sets are for 6-year-olds and impotent, middle-aged men looking to spend less time with their wives.
- Dick Butkus: Thanks for bringing me to see Santa.
- Marty Weaver: Oh, that's no problem. OK, I'm gonna go buy my son a doll. Am I doing the right thing here, Dick?
- Dick Butkus: I'm about to go tell a fat stranger that I've been a good boy and ask him for some insects. I think we're all just feeling our way through this one.