- Phil Dunphy: I am the king of banana bread. You know what my secret is? No nuts.
- Jay Pritchett: That's no secret.
- Phil Dunphy: Why am I so intent on helping Andy? Because I love filmmaking, and I love love. I guess you could say I enjoy making love on film, and now I don't have to do it by myself.
- Haley Dunphy: You know what? I'd rather go on a date with someone who would go through a blizzard for me and only honks for the troops.
- Scott: I don't understand you.
- Haley Dunphy: Neither do I!
- Luke Dunphy: What's this thing?
- Jay Pritchett: It's a table vise.
- Luke Dunphy: [singing] Table vise, table...
- Jay Pritchett: No! I already went through that with Mitchell. This is what we're trying to prevent.
- Andy: Some day, when you're older, you'll know what makes a real man.
- Phil Dunphy: Who asked for make-up?
- Andy: I did.