Achmed Saves America (2014 Video)
Jeff Dunham: Achmed, Bubba J, Self
Photos
Quotes
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Tinker-Bubba : Hello there - - I am Tinker-Bubba! Did I hear you say that you wish to become intoxicated?
Jeff Dunham : No - - animated.
Tinker-Bubba : Well - - I can help with that, too!
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Achmed : [starting to regain conciousness in the hospital bed, and weakly singing in his semi-delirious still-half-asleep state] Da bomb on da bus make big "bang-boom"... big "bang-boom"... big-"bang-boom"...
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Hassan : [in a low sneering growl of restrained fury and disgust] Achmed! **Why** are you still ALIVE?
Achmed : [in cheerful imperturbability] Nice talking to you, too!
on-camera crowd : [cheering on the trivia-quiz show on Hussan's TV in the background] Wheel - - Of - - TORTURE!
Hassan : I should have heard a BIG BOOM by now! You have worked for us for T'REE YEA'S now, and you STILL haven't killed INFIDEL ONE! I swear - - you are da most useless suicide bomber in da ENTIRE WORLD!
Achmed : Not to worry, Hussan - - I will get it right this time.
Hassan : Achmed! You blundering EEMbecile! Are you forgetting that you BLEW UP OUR TRAINING CAMP? Da only t'ing left was da MONKEY BAHS!
older of two observing chimps : [contemptuously watching a line of terrorist-trainees awkwardly swinging themselves along by their hands from underneath the tubular metal framework] Oh, puh-lease - - we are SO-O-O much better at this stuff than they are!
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HomeBound Buffet waitress : Did you enjoy your meal, gentlemen?
Achmed : Oh, yes it was perfect, thank you. We had a most delicious and filling dinner, burped and farted to our hearts' content, and now we're leaving.
HomeBound Buffet waitress : Are you sure? We're just now bringing out a new trough of fresh Butterfinger pieces.
Achmed : How very fattening of you. But much as we'd love to gorge ourselves into an early grave, we really have to go now.
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Hassan : [disgustedly, upon hearing Achmed say he wants to return to America and help the Wilsons] I cannot believe that you would want to go back to that devil-filled country of INFIDELS! You are insane. I would sooner listen to the shrieks of a rabid WUTAH BUFFALO!
Achmed : [sarcastically] Ah, yes - - and how is your wife?
[snickers heartily at his own joke]
Achmed : Pithy American put-down humor!
Hassan : [fist-swipes Achmed across the head and knocks his sombrero off, then glowers fiercely at him] For that insolence I should KEEL you until you are DEAD!
[abruptly relaxes his face into a casual considering expression as he calmly ponders Achmed's question]
Hassan : But - - she is fine... she has lost some weight... a bit more COW than WUTAH BUFFALO these days, I'd say.
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Ginny : [with a resigned sigh] Kids today - - no respect or caring.
Achmed : [in a tone of disgusted indignance at how Kevin and Cassidy were shamelessly mouthing off] In my country, they would have both been STONED by now!
Wayne : [in a cheerily agreeable reply, since he misinterprets Achmed's phrase as merely referring to being intoxicated, rather than being pelted to death by thrown rocks] That's RIIGHHHT - - you French kids start DRINKIN' EARLY, doncha?
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Kevin : Good night, Little Jeff!
Little Jeff : Good night, ethery-diddy!
Achmed : [in a sudden loud outburst of exasperation due to everyone's in the house's shouting good night to everyone else seemingly ad nauseam] SILENCE - -!
[returning to a quiet placid tone now that his pent-up aggravation has been released]
Achmed : Good night, bomb.
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Carl Zimmer : [upon seeing Chet readying his shotgun to wildly blast away at Achmed yet again] Leave him alone, Chet - - you're what's wrong with America!
Chet Anderson : [in raucous derision at Carl's seemingly ultra-complacent mindset] Naww - - YOU'RE what's wrong with America! Ameri-CAAH!
Achmed : Gentlemen! You are BOTH correct!
