- Sheldon: We are in the business of making people happy. Lonely men need feel loved by Russian Brides, the sick cling to the hope that only expensive medication gives, and we find it very satisfying helping Egyptians with their pyramid schemes.
- Claire: I never believed that someone as ugly as me could be a model. But here I was supported and felt comfortable for me to just be me. So, a little word of advice, just be you.
- Mr. Stern: I have just gone through your homework. Fail, fail, fail! The grammar and the formatting of these letters is perfect. Why aren't any of your letters in broken English? My two-year-old could do a better job than all of you and she's two!
- Barry Taylor: First pet's name?
- Sheldon: Yes.
- Barry Taylor: Which one? I live on a farm.
- Sheldon: All of them.
- Scott: Sir, Excuse me sir!
- Mr. Simpson: Yes Scott?
- Scott: When I meet them, what should I wear?
- Mr. Simpson: No, no, no! You will not be meeting anyone. I had a co-worker who fell in love with the person they were scamming. Do not get emotionally involved! Mind you having said that, they are very happy together. And it was a lovely wedding.