The Mysteries of Laura (TV Series)

The Mystery of the Fertility Fatality (2014)

Debra Messing: Laura Diamond

Photos 

Quotes 

• Laura Diamond : The boys need a shadow at taekewondo

  Max Carnegie : I volunteer as tribute

  Laura Diamond : The last time you watched the boys, the guinea pig's hear was dyed blue

  Max Carnegie : More a teal. Thank you for noticing

• Billy Soto : Walk us through last night.

  Mrs. Foster : He was right here in this office. I was in bed watching The Biggest Loser...

  Laura Diamond : ALALALALA

  [puts her fingers in hear ears] 

  Laura Diamond : No spoilers! I haven't watched yet.

• Laura Diamond : [sits down on Dr. Karl's chair]  Oh, wow! The hydraulics on this thing are amazing! I bet this chair is more expensive than my car!

• Laura Diamond : [showing picture]  Do you know this guy?

  Bookmaker : I am sorry lady, I only take bets

  Laura Diamond : I'll bet that I have a badge. Have you seen him around here?

  Line Guy : Place your bet and move your butt

  Laura Diamond : I'm placing a bet, rude! Have you seen him?

  Bookmaker : Yeah, I've seen that guy. He's a big bettor, not a good bettor, but a big one. What horse you want?

  Laura Diamond : Oh, uhm, One...

  Bookmaker : Okay one dollar on Parker's Priest

  Line Guy : Put me down for five on Harder Baby Harder

  Laura Diamond : I'll give you harder! My butt and I are still betting! Okay, what about this woman in the photo, Becky, does she work here?

  [Gets money from her purse] 

  Laura Diamond : Here, just put it all on, eh, Harder Baby Harder

  Bookmaker : Okay, we got 64 cents and a ninja on Harder Baby Harder

• Billy Soto : This is the VIP room, I'd hate to see the SOL room

  Laura Diamond : A lot of men and their...

  Billy Soto : Nieces?

  Laura Diamond : Oh, is that what they are calling them these days?

• Laura Diamond : [to bartender Wes]  Hi, we're looking for this man on this photo

  Trish : And I am looking for another Amaretto Sour

  Wes Davis : Sorry Trish, you're cut off

  Trish : Who do I have to sleep with to get one more lousy drink?

  [Looks at Billy] 

  Trish : Please, tell me it's you!

• Meredith Bose : Our favorite medical examiner called. We have a cause of death on the doctor: air

  Laura Diamond : As in: he stopped breathing?

  Laura Diamond : As in: embolism. Someone injected an air bubble into one of his coronary arteries

  Laura Diamond : Fertility patients have to take shots every day. They certainly have access to needles. Not to mention air

  Meredith Bose : So someone woke up on the homicidal side of the bed and took it out on the doctor?

  Billy Soto : Makes sense. The jockey mentioned a patient who tried to attack Foster with pepper spray

  Meredith Bose : [at Laura]  Really?

  Laura Diamond : [sighs]  I've told you a hundred times: I was testing the canister. You shouldn't sneak up on people!

• Laura Diamond : Oh, hey, buddy! Hi. Jalapeño, double pepperoni?

  Pizza Delivery Guy : Yup, for Jake...

  Laura Diamond : Broderick, yeah, thanks

  Billy Soto : Nice interception!

  Laura Diamond : Yeah. Not the first time I got him cheating. He may have ruined our marriage but there's no way I let him screw with my health insurance!

• Nanny Alicia : The boys are on lock-down upstairs. I told them to build a toilet out of Lego's

  Laura Diamond : Did you tell them not to use it?

  [Alice thinks] 

  Laura Diamond : You better go!

  [Alice rushes upstairs] 

• Laura Diamond : When my husband and I found out we were pregnant with a little girl, we were overjoyed. Decorated her entire room with little stars. But life doesn't always turn out the way you planned and one by one we had to take each of those little stars down. Two years later we got pregnant again, this time twins. And now I have two loud, rowdy, exhausting, wonderful boys. And I can't imagine my life any other way

• Laura Diamond : [Max found something on the internet]  Thank you internet

  Max Carnegie : The internet does not search itself!