Mick Foley: Commissioner Mick Foley

Quotes 

• Commissioner Mick Foley : I gotta tell you, one thing is for sure, they love the WWF in southeast Asia. But, as much as they love it, I'd like to say it sure is good to be back in the good old USA. Now, uh, I like a cheap pop as much as the next guy, and I haven't done this in about ten years, so why don't you all join me by saying, "USA! USA!"

  [the crowd joins in on the chant] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Speaking of cheap pops, as much as I enjoy being back in the USA, it is definitely great to be back in Albany, New York!

  [the crowd cheers] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Thank you, and I appreciate that. But there were certain things I did not appreciate after reviewing last week's "Raw". I did not appreciate Triple H bending my authority...

  [the crowd jeers] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : I did not appreciate him beating the crap out of Chris Jericho. So even though Chris is not scheduled to be here tonight, I did have a chance to speak to him, and he said he can't wait to get his hands on Triple H at Fully Loaded. But, Chris also said he wants a special type of match, a Last Man Standing match. A type of match that's so barbaric that the only way to win is to inflict a state of unconsciousness on your opponent.

  [lying down in the middle of the ring] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : So, after sitting back for about two seconds and visualizing Triple H in a state of unconsciousness, I said, "You've got it! A Last Man Standing match at Fully Loaded!"

• The Rock : Now, Mick, seeing as you're in the mood to give the people what they want, the People's Champ has a one-word request... no! A one-word demand, Benoit. Now, the Rock already knows that in six days at Fully Loaded, he's got Benoit for the WWF title, but considering how the Rock feels tonight, the Rock says it's gonna be the Rock, Benoit, WWF title match... tonight.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Now, wait a second, Rock. I... I guess I see a growing trend here. And as much as I'd like to see that match happen tonight...

  [he's interrupted by Benoit's music, who comes out with Shane, Edge, and Christian] 

  Chris Benoit : It doesn't matter to me. You wanna put the title on the line tonight? That's great. Let's look at what I've done to you over the past several weeks. Every time I put you in the Crossface...

  [laughing] 

  Chris Benoit : I love to hear the Rock *SQUEAL*! Squeal, Rock! Whether I win the title tonight or Sunday, one way or another, you will submit and tap out, because I'm the greatest technical wrestler in the WWF today! And I will be the next WWF champion. Prove me wrong, Rock.

  Shane McMahon : [taking the mic]  Let me see that. Rock, it doesn't matter if it's tonight or if it's this Sunday at Fully Loaded. Because you are looking at the next World Wrestling Federation champion in Chris Benoit. If you smell... .

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second there, sport. You don't rip off the Rock's catchphrases. Only *I* can rip off the Rock's catchphrases. It just doesn't sound cool when you do it. So get the picture straight, Shane, I call the shots around here, not you. I make the matches, not you. Let me put it this way, Shane-O, think of it this way: I'm Tony Soprano, and you're the guy who cleans the toilets at the Bada Bing! Understand? And, look, I can't help but notice that you brought your three Canadian friends out here with you, didn't you? How are you doing, guys?

  Edge : Thank you for asking. Because we're feeling totally better, Mick.

  Christian : You know, not ready to defend our titles better, but we're better nonetheless.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : So you're not ready to defend those titles, huh? Guys, there were a lot of times during my career where I may have had a... a case of the sniffles or a bad back and didn't feel like wrestling, but I always did, and do you know why? Because I had something, and still do, that apparently you two gentlemen lack, that being a set of testicles.

  [the crowd cheers] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : There you are, you little rascals. But you know what, I understand you don't feel like you can defend the tag-team belts, but I kinda wanna give the fans here a little preview of the tag-team match against the Acolytes that you will have at Fully Loaded, so what I'm gonna do is book for us, right here in this very ring tonight, a six-man tag-team championship match. A six-man match pitting the two of you and Chris Benoit against the Acolytes... and their partner, the Rock!

  Chris Benoit : Well, that's just fine with me, 'cause tonight is just gonna be a sampling of what's gonna happen at Fully Loaded.

  The Rock : Well, Chris Benoit, the Rock says this, how about he come up there and give you a sample ass-kicking all over Albany?

• Kane : So, you think you've seen anarchy, chaos? Well, you ain't seen nothing until you see what I do tonight. You ain't seen anarchy and chaos, but you'll see it all through this building unless you give my brother what he wants!

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Wait, wait a second. Listen. While you two guys were scaring the hell out of me, I got an idea in my head that I certainly would like to see Kurt Angle in this very ring tonight.

  Kurt Angle : [appearing on the TitanTron]  Uh, hello? Excuse me. Hey, guys? Hello? I'm sorry to interrupt, but again, I would like to point out, as far as hitting you in the head with a sledgehammer, Undertaker, I am really sorry about that. I mean, I thought the singing telegram I sent you this week was pretty clear on that. I mean, nobody wanted to see that happen, especially me. Almost as much as nobody wants to see you and me fight at Fully Loaded. What I'm trying to say is, I had no intentions of hitting you in the head with a sledgehammer. I was going for Triple H.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Wait, wait, Kurt, Kurt. First off, let me say that nobody appreciates your Olympic accomplishments more than I do. Second off, I'd like to say, nobody can understand wanting to hit Triple H with a sledgehammer more than me. But I'm inclined to make a tag team contest tonight pitting Kane and the Undertaker against you and your newfound good-time party buddy, Triple H.

  Triple H : [appearing on the TitanTron with Kurt in split-screen]  Mick. Hey, Foley. Now, I know that, uh, you and I don't always see eye to eye, I know you got a problem with me. Foley, I know you probably hate me more than anybody. I mean, hell, you should. I've beaten you bloody all across this country and back. I mean, after all, I am the guy that made it possible that you never, ever wrestle another match again as long as you live. So I know you hate me, but, I mean, come on, Mick. You can do what you want; Sunday at Fully Loaded, you can book me in a Last Man Standing match with Chris Jericho, that's just fine. But tonight, you wanna book me in a... a handicap match? You wanna book me in a steel cage match? You wanna book me in handicap steel cage match? Whatever, I don't care. But, Foley, I'm begging you, I'm pleading with you, please, do not make me team up with this Olympic twerp.

  Kurt Angle : [insulted]  Twerp? I don't think I'm a twerp. I don't think these people here tonight, who don't have the common sense to move the heck out of this decrepit town of "All-banny", don't think I'm a twerp. And to be honest with you, Triple H, I don't think your wife thinks I'm a twerp, either. And that is true.

  Triple H : I'll tell you what. You don't hold up your end of this match tonight, and you're gonna get the same thing as Jericho. You're gonna end up a beaten, bloody mess in that ring. And, uh, as far as that goes, Angle, Foley, Kane, 'Taker, just like this Sunday, when it's said and done, I will be the last man standing, because I am that damn good. And that, jackass, it's true.

• The Undertaker : Now, Mick, me and you, we go back a lot of years and a lot of wars, right? So I guess you can say you probably know me pretty well.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : I know you pretty well, I could say that.

  The Undertaker : Well, then you of all people ought to know I don't appreciate the disrespect Kurt Angle has shown me lately. I didn't appreciate when he cost Kane and I the tag-team titles, I didn't appreciate it when he threw a bunch of crap all over my bike. And then, he tries to offer some weak excuse, a scooter, and some lame apology just so I don't beat him up. You know, I think that boy's yellow. He's scared, you know that, right? But the thing I appreciate the least is when that little bastard hit me in the head with a sledgehammer.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Well, uh, 'Taker, maybe then there's something I can do to make all of this right to you.

  The Undertaker : Let me tell you what you're gonna do, Mick. You are gonna make a match, here tonight, with me and Kurt Angle. And, Mick, if you don't make the match, I'm gonna walk back there, I'm gonna find him, and I'm gonna hurt that boy, and I'm gonna hurt him bad.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : You listen here, if you're trying to intimidate me, it worked.

• Tazz : Everybody's talking about the new Tazz. "What's Tazz's motivation all of a sudden?" Kane gets a steel chair cracked across his big head, BOO! Kane, just another victim. Then, a $50,000 television camera smashed across Rikishi's fat head, costing him the Intercontinental championship. BOO! Rikishi, just another victim. Then, W-O-R... O, oh, oh, oh, I just choked your ass out! The Worm, just another victim to the one-man crime spree. I told you people from the very first day I got here, the mood was about to change. And then, when it did, you want answers. Well, I'll tell you what, until you people or this company can find a hero, a role model, a man, a real man tough enough, bad enough, mean enough to yank the reason for my actions out of my mouth, the path of rage will continue to run roughshod through this joint! Because I'm Tazz, thug-life born, thug-life bred, and when the time is right, I'll be thug-life dead.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : [coming out]  Hold on a second there, Mr. Tazz. Hold on just a second. You see, Tazz, there's a lot of things I'm proud of here in the WWF as its commissioner, but watching you interfere in matches is not one of them. So you walk around here saying the mood is about to change, well, yes it is, Tazz, because at Fully Loaded, you will not be interfering in a match, you will be having a match, as soon as I can find a suitable opponent.

  [Al Snow's music hits, and he comes out with Head] 

  Al Snow : I cannot believe what I've been listening... hey, Mick.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Hey, Al.

  Al Snow : You come out here acting all angry and miserable. You wanna talk misery? For the last seven months, I have been eating, I have been driving, I have been training, and on one sad occasion, sharing a room, with Steve Blackman. 50 camera shots to the head cannot compare to one heart-to-heart talk with Steve Blackman expounding the virtues of quicklime in the use of disposing of human remains. So, please, Mick, I'm not asking you, I'm begging you, let me show this man at Fully Loaded what misery is really all about. I don't mean tagging with Steve Blackman.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Wait a second, Al. I like you, I do. I pretend I don't, but I do, and I enjoyed making fun of you in my towering #1 New York Times best-seller, "Have a Nice Day", which will be available in paperback with a couple extra bonus chapters in October. But, Al, it seems that every time I put you in a big match, well, you choke.

  Al Snow : I guarantee you, if you give me this...

  Commissioner Mick Foley : [Tazz puts Al in the Tazmission]  Hey! Hey! Tazz! Tazz!

  [after some indistinct shouting, Tazz lets Al go] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Hey, Tazz, you want a match with Al Snow at Fully Loaded, well you got it! You talk about thug life, well, I'll show you thug life, Tazz. And when Al wakes up, when Al wakes up, he's gonna be really, really mad.