- Rebecca Bunch: Darryl, it's Rebecca. Listen, I don't know if I'm gonna make it to work today.
- Darryl Whitefeather: Oh, why?
- Rebecca Bunch: I'm just not feeling well.
- Darryl Whitefeather: Oh, really? What is it?
- Rebecca Bunch: Umm, my ovaries are eking out into my Fallopian tubes and they're wrapped around...
- Darryl Whitefeather: Okay, we'll see you when you're feeling better.
- [Darryl hangs up]
- Rebecca Bunch: Wow, men are stupid.
- Tommy Proctor: I'm just so bad in school.
- Heather Davis: Dude, lemme tell you something right now: Being good in school means nothing. Like, see her?
- [Rebecca is doing a kegstand]
- Heather Davis: She went to Harvard, okay? She's a mess! Dude, I was horrible in school, but that's because instead of reading their stupid books, I was busy reading everything Salinger ever wrote.
- Tommy Proctor: And you're, like, totally successful and rich now, right?
- Heather Davis: Not... at... all. But I'm cool. That's what really matters.
- Rebecca Bunch: Well, if it isn't Mr. "I can't come to your party, because I have a bunch of complicated reasons. I prob'ly have to buy more black clothing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
- Greg Serrano: That's a long name I have. Polish?
- Greg Serrano: You know, you're really starting to fit in here.
- Rebecca Bunch: Thank you.
- Greg Serrano: That's not a compliment.
- [Darryl is in an uncharacteristically manic frenzy]
- Darryl Whitefeather: You know, at first, I had my doubts about this party - I mean, it's no Weekend Tuesday, do you know what I'm saying? But now, I mean, this is a blast! Oh, and I even met this great girl, Megan, who said she found your flyer in a gutter. Oh, she's such a good listener! And I told her all about my divorce... But I think she's from England because, I mean, her teeth are not good. But she gave me this terrific menthol cigarette!
- Rebecca Bunch: Um, I think Megan might be a meth addict.
- Darryl Whitefeather: Oh, yeah?
- Rebecca Bunch: I think you maybe just smoked meth.
- Darryl Whitefeather: Oh! Okay. Well, you know, that would explain why I've been digging a hole in the back yard for the last hour - but it's still fun! Hey Megan, honey, let's clean something!
- Young Rebecca: So tell me some other stuff about my future.
- Rebecca Bunch: Okay, so you're gonna go to Harvard and Yale!
- Young Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. So when exactly do I get those boobs?
- [White Josh looks at Rebecca's broken garbage disposal]
- White Josh: Whoa! There's like a crapload of chicken in here! It's almost like you tried to break it.