- Dave Kim: Did you hear that? Your sister and her hot friends are having a lingerie party.
- Adam Goldberg: I'm pretty sure I heard pajama party.
- Dave Kim: They'll be having pillow fights, tickle fights, and other kinds of fights we can't even imagine.
- Erica Goldberg: You have never stooped so low!
- Beverly Goldberg: Yes, I have. You just never caught me.
- Barry Goldberg: [Adam is eating cereal when Barry sits down and slaps his spoon down] I have narrowed down the breed of dog that best matches my personality.
- Adam Goldberg: Good morning to you too.
- Barry Goldberg: I either want one of those dogs that looks like a sheep...
- Adam Goldberg: A sheepdog.
- Barry Goldberg: ...a Cujo...
- Adam Goldberg: That's a name, not a breed.
- Barry Goldberg: ...a McGruff...
- Adam Goldberg: A cartoon dog.
- Barry Goldberg: ...or a bear crossed with a poodle.
- Adam Goldberg: Not possible.
- Barry Goldberg: Oh, my God! You love her.
- Murray Goldberg: I do not.
- Barry Goldberg: You have actual love in your heart and you're using it on the dog!
- Murray Goldberg: I don't love the dog!
- Barry Goldberg: Then you won't mind if I take her back. Where's the receipt?
- Murray Goldberg: You can't take her back, she's family! You don't take back family!