The Magicians (TV Series)

Mendings, Major and Minor (2016)

Hale Appleman: Eliot Waugh

Photos 

Quotes 

• Quentin Coldwater : How could you know about all this and become a podiatrist?

  Eliot Waugh : This isn't Middle Earth, Quentin. There aren't enough noble quests to go around.

• Eliot Waugh : His name is Gerald, but everyone calls him Cancer Puppy. He's sort of our unofficial mascot.

  Quentin Coldwater : Why does he have cancer?

  Eliot Waugh : Because he's 150, Quentin. The enchantment just keeps him a puppy forever; it doesn't stop him from being riddled with every single disease it's possible to be riddled with. They've been taking him to a very confused veterinarian in Ogdensburg.

• Eliot Waugh : I still haven't heard about your walkabout.

  Alice Quinn : Yeah, well, it wasn't anything too exciting. I mostly fed and killed chickens.

• Eliot Waugh : What's your poison?

  Alice Quinn : Um, I don't know. I just poured something.

  Eliot Waugh : [Sniffs]  Yuck. I have so much to teach you about drinking. It's a three-year program. Graduate level. It begins immediately.

  [Passes her a new drink] 

  Eliot Waugh : Relax. This isn't some mentor week full-court press.

  Alice Quinn : Oh.

  Eliot Waugh : Yeah. Friends don't let friends drink Long Island iced tea, Alice.

• Eliot Waugh : Hey Alice, Is that Genji?

  Quentin Coldwater : Do you guys know her?

  Margo : Everyone does. She runs a retreat. It's like Camp David for magicians.

  Eliot Waugh : If Camp David was run by Caligula.

  [to Alice] 

  Eliot Waugh : I mean that in the best way.

• Quentin Coldwater : What's Welters?

  Eliot Waugh : The worst.

  Margo : It's a game designed a billion years ago to keep students from killing each other in duels.

  Eliot Waugh : It's like chess. Kind of. Not really. You use magic to take squares. It's terrible.

  Quentin Coldwater : I don't know. That sounds kind of fun.

  Eliot Waugh : It's boring as death.

  Margo : *You're* boring.