Rick and Morty (TV Series)

The ABCs of Beth (2017)

Justin Roiland: Rick Sanchez, Morty Smith

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rick Sanchez : Come on, I-I-I put real elbow grease into this place.

  Beth Smith : Well, you're supposed to put elbow grease into your daughter!

  Rick Sanchez : Gross.

• Summer Smith : Wow, Dad. Your place looks way less like a crackhouse.

  Morty Smith : It's actually clean, like a cocaine house. Dad, what's going on?

• Beth Smith : Am I evil?

  Rick Sanchez : Worse, you're smart. When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours. And I've never met a universe that was into it. The universe is basically an animal. It grazes on the ordinary.

• [Rick has just shown Beth that Froopyland isn't dangerous] 

  Rick Sanchez : Yeah, whatever. A dad makes a toilet look like R2-D2, and it breaks the front page of Reddit, but I'm Charles Manson because I gave you your own world instead of an iPad. I think the words you're looking for are...

  [Suddenly, a pterodactyl-like creature swoops down, grabs Rick by the left arm, and starts to fly away with him] 

  Rick Sanchez : Augh! Holy f*****g s**t! This thing has claws!

  Beth Smith : Yeah, I get it. It's a child-proof world.

  Rick Sanchez : No, no, seriously! This hurts really bad! This thing is sinking razor-sharp claws in... augh! S**t!

  [Rick is carried off by pterodactyl] 

  Beth Smith : You've made you point, Dad... Dad?

• Jerry Smith : Morty, Summer, this is Kiara. She's a Krootabulan warrior princess... from Krootabulon.

  Morty Smith : I know where Krootabulans are from, Dad.

  [addressing Kiara] 

  Morty Smith : Chiman Tolo.

  Keara : Chiman Tolo, younglings.

  Summer Smith : Hymen cholo...

• [Rick is explaining why he and other Ricks created Froopylands for their Beths] 

  Rick Sanchez : You know why all Ricks made a Froopyland for all their little girls. The same reason I wasn't surprised by Tommy's over-written, badly-structured, cheaply-produced flashback. You were a scary fucking kid, man.

  Beth Smith : [aghast]  Oh, my God...

  Rick Sanchez : I didn't make Froopyland to get rid of you, Beth. I did it to protect the neighborhood. Not in a

  [burp] 

  Rick Sanchez : noble sense, it was just more practical to sequester you before I had to start, you know, cloning a replacement for every less-than-polite little boy or gullible animal that might cross your socio-path.

  Beth Smith : You would rather believe I'm evil than admit that you were a bad father?

  Rick Sanchez : Oh, dude, no... no. Bad father all the way to the max over here. I'm a fucking nutcase. And the acorn plops straight down, baby. Look at some of the shit you were asking me to make you as a kid:

  [pulls out a box full of Beth's childhood toys] 

  Rick Sanchez : ray guns, a whip that forces people to like you, invisibility cuffs, a parent trap, a lightning gun, a teddy bear with anatomically-correct innards, night-vision googly-eye glasses, sound-erasing sneakers, false fingerprints, fall-asleep darts, a lie-detecting doll, an indestructible baseball bat, a Taser shaped like a ladybug, a fake police badge, location-tracking stickers, rainbow-colored duct tape, mind-control hair clips, poison gum, a pink sentient switchblade.

  Sentient Switchblade : [Rick opens switchblade]  Hi, Beth! You've gotten taller! Shall we resume stabbing?