- Chloe Decker: Hey. I've been looking for you everywhere. I tracked your phone's GPS.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, here I am.
- Chloe Decker: Well, we should wrap up the arrest report. And by that I mean paperwork, not some celebratory drink that you'll then turn into a moment.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes, Well... I've changed my mind about that, actually. I've realised it would never work out between us.
- Chloe Decker: Really?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes. So from now on, no more attempts at moments. I'd be honoured to simply continue working by your side. If you'll have me.
- Chloe Decker: Of course.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Good.
- Chloe Decker: Yeah. It's not like you to give up.
- Lucifer Morningstar: No, I haven't given up. I had an epiphany of sorts. You deserve someone worthy of you. And that isn't me.
- Chloe Decker: That's not what I've been saying, Lucifer.
- Lucifer Morningstar: I know. It's what I'm saying. You deserve someone better. Because you, Detective, are selfless to a nauseating degree. You always put your daughter first, even though the ungrateful urchin does nothing to contribute to the rent. So... You deserve someone worthy of that grace. Someone who knows that every crime scene breaks your heart, even though you'd never admit it. Someone who actually appreciates your impossibly boring middle name, "Jane". And more importantly, Detective, you deserve someone as good as you. Because, well, you're special and I'm... I'm not worth it.
- Chloe Decker: Yeah. You're probably right.
- [kisses Lucifer]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Detective...?
- [Chloe kisses him again]
- Dan Espinoza: You're not gonna tell Chloe about me and Charlotte, right?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, as long as you promise to never touch Charlotte again.
- Dan Espinoza: No, it's not a problem.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Good. 'Cause the last thing I need is a step-Dan.
- Dan Espinoza: ...You say some really weird things, man.
- Chloe Decker: You sent her a threatening text. "Ditch the loser from Lux."
- Andy Kleinburg: Yeah. She said she was hooking up with some DJ named Lucifer.
- Lucifer Morningstar: [Outraged] DJ? How dare you!
- Chloe Decker: Dan slept with Charlotte?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Trust me, you're not half as disgusted by that as I am.
- Chloe Decker: Is there anyone who hasn't slept with that woman?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Uh...
- [Raises a hand]
- Chloe Decker: [Looking at Jana's phone] All threatening texts. All sent from the same number. This last one, just before she got to your place.
- Lucifer Morningstar: "Ditch the loser from Lux"? Oh, this is terrible. She was seeing someone else at Lux?
- Chloe Decker: I think it means you.
- Mazikeen: You ever do something awesome for somebody, and they just don't care?
- Linda Martin: I'm a therapist. Being taken for granted is in the job description.
- [Pointly]
- Linda Martin: Like, for example, when a friend uses your lunch break for free therapy, and doesn't say thank you.
- Mazikeen: [Not getting it] You want me to take care of this friend of yours?
- Chloe Decker: Lucifer, we are very different people with very different personalities, and I'm not judging. I'm a homicide detective, not the slut police. And I mean you, not her.
- Chloe Decker: Okay, a list of everyone you've slept with in the last eight weeks.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Right, you'll need a much bigger notepad.
- Lucifer Morningstar: New visitors policy. Hot women turning up unannounced are no longer welcome. Especially those who are secretly my mother.
- Mazikeen: I don't care what anyone thinks of me.
- Linda Martin: Of course you do, we all do. You know, and that's okay. That's human.
- Mazikeen: I'm a demon.
- Brunette: [Chloe is interviewing all of Lucifer's exes] He even did this thing with a Pan flute and a butternut squash...
- Lucifer Morningstar: I was improvising. I didn't have any zucchinis.
- Hipster: ...He did this thing with my Tibetan singing pot and artisan honey.
- Lucifer Morningstar: It's a game I play called, "Do I make you horny, honey?"
- Handsome Guy: ...With some Vaseline and a car battery.
- Dan Espinoza: What?
- Lucifer Morningstar: That was a move I call, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
- Chloe Decker: We've been trying to find a connection between the two, and so far all we have is you.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I wish I could help you.
- Chloe Decker: What, you didn't get details between the sweet nothings?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Quite a few, actually. But they were mostly about what he desired, which I doubt you want to hear.
- Lucifer Morningstar: So Jana's killer had it in for this poor chap as well, did they?
- Chloe Decker: On the upside, looks like he didn't have anything to do with this case after all. Pretty sure you didn't sleep with this guy.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Uh, actually, you're wrong about that, Detective.
- [Sadly]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Raj. So fit.
- Andy Kleinburg: It's called a "booty call." You ever have one?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Of course not. Booties call me.
- Chloe Decker: Let's go talk to your friend Sharon. See if his alibi checks out.
- Lucifer Morningstar: She's not my friend. She's just a woman that I... No, actually, that's worse.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You insist on letting an impossibly attractive flight attendant come between us. And not in the fun way.
- Chloe Decker: What else can you tell me about Jana? I need to put together a victim profile.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I mean, she gave incredible...
- Chloe Decker: And I'm not talking about her sexual skills.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Right.
- Chloe Decker: I'm just trying to piece together a timeline. A lot can happen in five minutes.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You can't be suggesting...
- Chloe Decker: ...That you slept with her? I'm not.
- Lucifer Morningstar: No. That I'm a two-pump chump. If we'd slept together, she wouldn't have left until the morning. Believe me.
- Trixie Espinoza: So if you weren't working, was it, like, a date? With flowers and candles and songs about naked stuff?
- Chloe Decker: What Perry Smith deserved was to rot in jail for the rest of his life.
- Mazikeen: But still. Pretty awesome that someone took him out, right? I bet it hurt. A lot.
- Chloe Decker: Whoever did this is no better than he was.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Just getting ready for a little sting operation.
- Amenadiel: Right. I should've assumed you'd be busy.
- Chloe Decker: Dan slept with Charlotte?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Trust me, you're not half as disgusted by that as I am.
- Chloe Decker: Is there anyone who hasn't slept with that woman?