- Joel: You know, 15 years ago, I would have punched you, once. I might have dropped you. If not, you would have beaten the hell out of me, 'cause I just had the one move, and you're a substantial man. But now I have a family, a career, a life. I'm not gonna be the guy who gets into bar fights.
- Gary West: You mean loses bar fights.
- Joel: You're missing my point.
- Gary West: You don't wanna get into a fight because you're afraid you might lose.
- Joel: That is exactly wrong. The losing is a given...
- Gary West: Damn straight.
- Joel: And it's irrelevant.
- Gary West: You mean inevitable.
- Joel: Goddamn it, you're frustrating. At this point in my life, I'm not gonna be the kind of person...
- Gary West: ...who wins a bar fight.
- Joel: God fuck, what's the matter with you?
- Gary West: You are.
- Joel: I'm trying to explain a very simple concept.
- Gary West: You are.
- Joel: I'm just gonna call this a draw and go home.
- Sheila Hammond: I'm okay. I just... threw up...
- [looks around her at the bathroom COMPLETELY covered and dripping with vomit]
- Sheila Hammond: ... like, a fair amount.
- Gary West: Is there a problem?
- Joel: Oh, God, not you.
- Gary West: Look, Joel, obviously you're upset, but if Sheila doesn't wanna go with you.
- Joel: Shut up, Gary. Sheila...
- Sheila Hammond: Life should be fun, honey. And I don't care what Consumer Reports says, that car is hot.
- Gary West: She wants to have fun, Joel.
- Joel: And doesn't care what Consumer Reports says. I heard her, Gary.
- [first lines]
- Sheila Hammond: [laying in bed] Joel...
- Joel: Shh. No words, my love.
- Sheila Hammond: I'm sorry, babe, I'm just not really a "pound one out" kind of gal.
- Joel: I know, and that's great. You like romance and lavender candles, and a massage with essential oils, and a wonderful meal but not too heavy.
- Sheila Hammond: You're making fun of me. No. I'm only saying that sometimes, maybe even now, we might try...
- Joel: Humping? Like that rescue dog did to that little girl at the Rite Aid?
- Eric: No pupillary response. Have you noticed any deteriorating flesh?
- Sheila Hammond: No?
- Eric: Blackening of the skin, digits or other pieces falling off?
- Sheila Hammond: No.
- Eric: Okay. Um, have you eaten anyone?
- Sheila Hammond: No. But I may have thrown up an organ.
- Eric: No worries.