Raised with Wolves' absolute protagonist is trust. Trust that you would give but too much pain keeps you from daring. Trust that your logic would never give but the heart has already granted, no matter what. Trust that has always been there, you've just never thought to call into question and that, however, is likely to crumble apart, crumbling even you. Watching Mary Kills People one episode after another, I am invariably struck by how much and how well everything contributes to a riveting, engaging narrative. Grady waiting for Mary framed by water transparency or Ben talking on his cell with the picturesque lake on his back, are just two examples of the will to engage the viewer in sharing not only a tale but the emotional warmth of the scene. The continuity of direction by Holly Dale, undoubtedly ensures consistency to the canvas, from background to single details. Trusting another person means giving that person the power to break your heart and hoping they won't. This hope is so fragile in Des
Fear of betrayal, by the only person who counts on him, is so big that he prefers to play himself in the role of the villain, compromising its principles and let it all go to hell, not to have to test his friend loyalty.
Ben, on the contrary, wants to conquer Mary's trust, intimately gratified by her cry for help. His feelings for Mary, the irrational instinct to protect her from her own vulnerabilities, are so strong and pressing that, for Mary, he is willing to go to the limit of what his ethics allows. Knowing what Mary is doing, he disapproves, though, as only one who loves can do, he is ready to accept it...For some reason she chose him. He cannot remain emotionless to what he saw in Mary, when, alone and desperate, she came knocking on his door. That evening, two solitary beings took refuge in one another. He is so sure of the vulnerability he saw behind her strength.He is so sure as to follow his instinct leading him to her side. This is why the disappointment of then, it hurts so much .... That's why Ben does not have the clarity of mind nor the calm to understand that Mary is going to tell him exactly what he has just found out. Mary's "I want to be honest with you" has a tremendous, unappreciated value. Mary confirms his instinct, Mary trusts him. But in Ben's ear, on the small platform, there is only the cry of pain of his broken heart and Mary's sincerity, the reciprocated trust, is lost in that echo of pain. Even before being betrayed by Mary, Ben is betrayed by the collapse of his expectations. Doesn't wait, doesn't listen, he overreacts. It's too painful to think that Mary is not as fragile as she looked in his arms. In front of her, he was incredibly himself. Too much pain to think that she has not reciprocated. It is not the thought of a Mary "worse" than he thought to crush Ben's heart and logic, it is the horror at the thought of exposing himself, to have been true in front of someone capable instead of pretending emotions, fragility and involvement. Once undermined the trust in Mary's emotional honesty, there is no room for his feelings. Ben goes away, leaving Mary torn and lonely. Lonely. That's how Mary has always seen herself. How she always felt. The immensity of pain inside her to suggest that such an immense sorrow could not be shared, could not be understood and loneliness was the remedy to survive. An indelible pain which will never die, as she says, has been caused by those who loved her most.She knows how much any weakness could cost. And trust would be for her an unforgivable weakness. The temptation to break her haven of loneliness' barriers is great, the price is likely to be very high. Mary would like to give up, oh how she would. Close her eyes, shoulders enclosed by his arms as when he taught her to aim, protected. "To properly aim you have to control subconscious", he said. Surrounded by him, her inner demons silent at last, she felt herself, without fear and the shot was direct and precise. I wonder what she thought. Taking a deep breath, the warmth of Ben on arms and back, she must have thought how everything would have been easier, in that warmth, finally protected.
Sadly just to hear his voice in delivering her real name, it's enough to know her choice was late. Nothing ever easy for Mary. The resolution to confide, to share everything with Ben, not just the loneliness, is a difficult and important step, so bitterly reviled by the simple lack of timing. Not enough strength to grab Ben, to stop him, yelling at him that what he found out was exactly what she went to tell him. That it's what he meant her "to be honest". Though, easier to whisper to herself "I told you so," and letting him leave, rather than risk of not being trusted once she explained. Rejecting because of the dread of not being accepted. Expectations play a role in the episode secondary to that played by the trust. Ben and Mary, they wound each other because of the fear of being hurt, because of hesitation in believing, afraid that trusting each other will mean to concede too much into their vulnerability. To protect themselves, expose both of them to a bigger pain.
To trust means exposure to risk of suffering, of course. Those we love can hurt us more than anyone else, even not on purpose. What Ben and Mary must both ask themselves, from the depth of their solitude, is whether the warmth of the presence of each other in the other's life is worth the risk of getting burned.
Ben, on the contrary, wants to conquer Mary's trust, intimately gratified by her cry for help. His feelings for Mary, the irrational instinct to protect her from her own vulnerabilities, are so strong and pressing that, for Mary, he is willing to go to the limit of what his ethics allows. Knowing what Mary is doing, he disapproves, though, as only one who loves can do, he is ready to accept it...For some reason she chose him. He cannot remain emotionless to what he saw in Mary, when, alone and desperate, she came knocking on his door. That evening, two solitary beings took refuge in one another. He is so sure of the vulnerability he saw behind her strength.He is so sure as to follow his instinct leading him to her side. This is why the disappointment of then, it hurts so much .... That's why Ben does not have the clarity of mind nor the calm to understand that Mary is going to tell him exactly what he has just found out. Mary's "I want to be honest with you" has a tremendous, unappreciated value. Mary confirms his instinct, Mary trusts him. But in Ben's ear, on the small platform, there is only the cry of pain of his broken heart and Mary's sincerity, the reciprocated trust, is lost in that echo of pain. Even before being betrayed by Mary, Ben is betrayed by the collapse of his expectations. Doesn't wait, doesn't listen, he overreacts. It's too painful to think that Mary is not as fragile as she looked in his arms. In front of her, he was incredibly himself. Too much pain to think that she has not reciprocated. It is not the thought of a Mary "worse" than he thought to crush Ben's heart and logic, it is the horror at the thought of exposing himself, to have been true in front of someone capable instead of pretending emotions, fragility and involvement. Once undermined the trust in Mary's emotional honesty, there is no room for his feelings. Ben goes away, leaving Mary torn and lonely. Lonely. That's how Mary has always seen herself. How she always felt. The immensity of pain inside her to suggest that such an immense sorrow could not be shared, could not be understood and loneliness was the remedy to survive. An indelible pain which will never die, as she says, has been caused by those who loved her most.She knows how much any weakness could cost. And trust would be for her an unforgivable weakness. The temptation to break her haven of loneliness' barriers is great, the price is likely to be very high. Mary would like to give up, oh how she would. Close her eyes, shoulders enclosed by his arms as when he taught her to aim, protected. "To properly aim you have to control subconscious", he said. Surrounded by him, her inner demons silent at last, she felt herself, without fear and the shot was direct and precise. I wonder what she thought. Taking a deep breath, the warmth of Ben on arms and back, she must have thought how everything would have been easier, in that warmth, finally protected.
Sadly just to hear his voice in delivering her real name, it's enough to know her choice was late. Nothing ever easy for Mary. The resolution to confide, to share everything with Ben, not just the loneliness, is a difficult and important step, so bitterly reviled by the simple lack of timing. Not enough strength to grab Ben, to stop him, yelling at him that what he found out was exactly what she went to tell him. That it's what he meant her "to be honest". Though, easier to whisper to herself "I told you so," and letting him leave, rather than risk of not being trusted once she explained. Rejecting because of the dread of not being accepted. Expectations play a role in the episode secondary to that played by the trust. Ben and Mary, they wound each other because of the fear of being hurt, because of hesitation in believing, afraid that trusting each other will mean to concede too much into their vulnerability. To protect themselves, expose both of them to a bigger pain.
To trust means exposure to risk of suffering, of course. Those we love can hurt us more than anyone else, even not on purpose. What Ben and Mary must both ask themselves, from the depth of their solitude, is whether the warmth of the presence of each other in the other's life is worth the risk of getting burned.
