- Frank Dunphy: We're still doing my funeral like I want, right?
- Phil Dunphy: With the recording of you knocking and yelling "Let me outta here!"
- Frank Dunphy: Too bad I'm going to miss that.
- Haley Dunphy: You need to control your man!
- Claire Dunphy: Honey, we're talking about your dad. We're talking about your dad's dad. We're talking about unimaginable levels of goofy. Just remember, he does it out of love.
- Phil Dunphy: It's Johnny Law! Let's hot foot it!
- Cameron Tucker: So how long you're thinking of staying?
- Pameron Tucker: Who's to say?
- Cameron Tucker: Kinda hoping you would.
- Manny Delgado: I can't afford to get grounded. David Sedaris is speaking at Barnes & Noble on a school day.