The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

Fred Armisen: Cranky Kong

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lumalee : Ooh, fresh meat for the grinder!

  Cranky Kong : Who's this ray of sunshine?

  Lumalee : There's no sunshine. Only darkness.

  Penguin King : Shut up! Shut Up! SHUT UP!

• Mario : Um... no one panic, but the road is about to end.

  Cranky Kong : Well then you better step on the gas and buckle up!

• Cranky Kong : That means you, Diddy Kong!

• Cranky Kong : Get your clown claws off of me!

• Princess Peach : That was incredible! He kept beating you senseless and you just kept getting back up? You just don't know when to quit!

  Mario : Huh. I never thought of it as a good thing.

  Princess Peach : It's a great thing.

  Mario : [touched]  Thanks.

  Donkey Kong : [interrupts Mario and Peach's moment]  I let him win, just for the record!

  Mario : [unconvinced]  Really, though? Why would you do that?

  Donkey Kong : You wanna know why? It's MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, THAT'S WHY!

  [throws a barrel at Mario, who ducks] 

  Mario : [trying to stand up to Donkey Kong]  Alright, giant monkey!

  Cranky Kong : [hits both Mario and Donkey Kong with his walking cane]  ENOUGH! Get inside!

• Cranky Kong : [taunting Peach about Mario shrinking]  I guess he got the wrong mushroom!

• Cranky Kong : You did good, kid! Make your pecs dance. You deserve it!

  Donkey Kong : No time now, definitely later!

• Cranky Kong : Enough with the showboating!

  Donkey Kong : What do you mean? They like it! It's what they came here for: dancing pecs!

  [does a chest dance] 

  Cranky Kong : [to the crowd]  Okay, simmer down.

  [the crowd continues to chant] 

  Cranky Kong : I said simmer down!

  [everyone except for Diddy Kong stops chanting] 

  Cranky Kong : That means you, Diddy Kong!

• Cranky Kong : Oh, by all means, come in.

  [the door closes as Mario, Peach and Toad walk up to Cranky Kong] 

  Princess Peach : Great and mighty Cranky Kong.

  Cranky Kong : So, I heard you want my army.

  Princess Peach : Yes, Your Highness. Without your help, the Mushroom Kingdom will be annihilated.

  Cranky Kong : What makes you think you're worthy of fighting alongside the greatest army in the WORLD?

  Princess Peach : Because we have heart! And with your strength we can win.

  Cranky Kong : Okay, fine.

  Princess Peach : That's it?

  Cranky Kong : No, that's not it! The answer is no! Goodbye!

  Princess Peach : [stressed]  If the Mushroom Kingdom falls, the Jungle Kingdom is next!

  Mario : We're not leaving without YOUR ARMY!

  Cranky Kong : [laughs]  Who is this guy? He makes me laugh! All right, tough guy! You want my army so badly? Defeat my son in the GREAT RING OF KONG!

  Princess Peach : Give us a second!

  Princess Peach : [whispers to Mario]  This is a really, REALLY bad idea!

  Mario : [frustrated]  Well do you have another way to save my brother?

  Cranky Kong : Are you two done whispering? It's a little rude.

  Mario : You, sir, have a deal! I'll fight your son AND WIN!

  Cranky Kong : I'm sure you will.

  [laughs manically as he is helped onto his kart]