The Orville (TV Series)
New Dimensions (2017)
Norm MacDonald: Yaphit
Photos
Quotes
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Yaphit : Hey, Doc.
Dr. Claire Finn : [to herself] Oh, god. The last person I want to see right now.
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Yaphit : I think I lost a piece.
Dr. Claire Finn : Uh, excuse me?
Yaphit : I feel like I'm missing a piece, and I can't for the life of me figure out where i lost it.
Dr. Claire Finn : Well, okay. Hop up on the table, let's have a look.
[scanning him]
Dr. Claire Finn : I'm not quite sure how to ask this, but when your species loses a piece of tissue, is it conscious?
Yaphit : Kind of. I have a dim sense of a dark, wet place. I-I just can't get any more specific than that.
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Lt. John LaMarr : Look, Yaphit, I-I'm really sorry about what happened earlier. You know, we were just messing around. You know, it was a joke.
Yaphit : A joke? I spent an hour in Bortus' colon! You think that's funny?
[Ty and Marcus laugh]
Yaphit : Oh, yeah, laugh it up, you brats.
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Capt. Ed Mercer : Yaphit, what are you doing here?
Yaphit : I have a grievance.
Capt. Ed Mercer : How'd you get into my office?
Yaphit : I'm gel.
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Yaphit : I want to know why you guys put John in charge of the science team instead of me.
Capt. Ed Mercer : Commander Grayson and I both feel that Lieutenant LaMarr deserves to be in the running for chief engineer.
Yaphit : What? You gotta be kidding me. What the hell has that son of a bitch ever done to deserve...
Capt. Ed Mercer : No final decisions have been made, and I am aware that you're next in line for the job, but we have our reasons for considering him.
Yaphit : It's 'cause I'm gelatinous, isn't it? You guys can't handle the thought of a gelatinous person in charge of a department.
Capt. Ed Mercer : Yaphit, that's not it.
Yaphit : This is so racist, man. You're so friggin' racist.
Capt. Ed Mercer : I am not. I have several gelatinous friends.
Yaphit : This is a bunch of crap, man. This is total crap. Permission to return to duty.
Capt. Ed Mercer : Granted.
Yaphit : [stopping at the door] You know what? There was less crap in Bortus' colon.
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Dr. Claire Finn : Bortus. What can I do for you?
Lt. Cmdr. Bortus : I am experiencing digestive discomfort.
Dr. Claire Finn : With your iron stomach? Okay. Have a seat.
[scanning him]
Dr. Claire Finn : Um, Yaphit?
Yaphit : Yeah?
Dr. Claire Finn : I think I found your piece.
Yaphit : Wh... what do you mean?
Dr. Claire Finn : Inside Bortus' digestive tract.
Yaphit : What? What the hell, man? You friggin' ate me?
Lt. Cmdr. Bortus : I did not eat you.
Yaphit : Well, what the hell am I doing inside you, you bastard?