Young Sheldon (TV Series)

An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo (2018)

Zoe Perry: Mary Cooper

Quotes 

• Meemaw : Well, I don't understand how you could turn this down. This place looks fantastic.

  Mary : It's 200 miles away, mom.

  Meemaw : I know where Dallas is. I used to buy my marijuana there.

  George Sr. : Really?

  Meemaw : I said "used to". Then I got pregnant with this one and all the fun stopped. All I am saying is that this would be a great opportunity for Sheldon.

  Mary : I know. You're right.

  George Sr. : Whoa, she's right? I said the same thing in Petersen's office, you looked at me like I was an idiot.

  [Mary glares at him] 

  George Sr. : Yeah, that's the look.

• Principal Petersen : First of all, I want to thank you both for coming.

  Mary : Yeah, yeah, what'd he do?

  Principal Petersen : Uh, he didn't do anything.

  George Sr. : Gosh, Tom, I want to believe you.

  Principal Petersen : Okay, the problem is the curriculum here is not challenging enough for Sheldon. Now, he gets bored and maybe doesn't express himself in the most productive way.

• Mary : So you're saying he's being rude to his teachers?

  George Sr. : That's unacceptable. I'll... I'll give him a talking-to.

  Principal Petersen : I don't know if I'd call him rude.

  Mary : Well, put a word on it.

  Principal Petersen : Rude. Let's go with rude. Rude is good.

• Principal Petersen : I want you to consider another approach to his education.

  George Sr. : Okay.

  Mary : What does that mean?

  Principal Petersen : I recently had a nice chat with the head of Wilmont Academy for Gifted Children. Now, I told her all about Sheldon, and she seemed to think he would be a perfect fit over there.

  Mary : We already looked into private school. We can't afford it.

  George Sr. : Well, not unless you're giving me a raise.

  Principal Petersen : I'm not.

  George Sr. : Okay. Just checking.

• Mary : Look, we appreciate you going to bat for him, but he's just a wee little thing. We can't ship him off to Dallas.

  George Sr. : Well, shouldn't we talk about this first?

  Mary : What's there to talk about, George?

  George Sr. : This could be a great opportunity for Sheldon.

  Mary : He's nine years old.

  George Sr. : Oh, come on, you can't measure him in Earth years.

  Mary : You're saying he's an alien?

  Principal Petersen : Well, in George's defense, that idea has been tossed around...

  [George non-verbally warns him to stop] 

  Principal Petersen : ...a little bit. That's a bad joke. Look, I understand this is a big decision. If you change your mind, give me a call. I'd be more than happy to set up an interview.

• George Sr. : Here's a crazy idea: how about we ask Sheldon what he thinks of all this?

  Mary : Go ahead, but he's not gonna want to go. This is his home, we're his family.

• George Sr. : So, today we found out about a school in Dallas for really smart kids.

  Sheldon : When can I start?

  Mary : Hold on. Dallas is far away, so you'd have to live with another family.

  Sheldon : Do they have a dog?

  Mary : Uh... we don't know.

  Sheldon : Well, can you make some calls?

  Mary : I guess, but wouldn't you miss your mom and dad?

  Sheldon : Oh. Yes, I suppose I will.

  [Mary smirks confidently] 

  Sheldon : So, when are you calling about the dog?

  Meemaw : You know him so well.

• Sheldon : [seeing how well-behaved and studious the Wilmont students are]  What's wrong with them?

  Mary : What are you talking about?

  Sheldon : They're so quiet. Are they on medication?

  Mary : No. They're just smart like you.

  Sheldon : I've been going to school in a zoo.

  George Sr. : [quietly to Mary]  Not too sure about these uniforms. Kinda froufrou.

• Dr. Flora Douglas : I must tell you, in all I've been here, I have never seen such glowing letters of recommendation from a student's teachers.

  George Sr. : Well, that's real nice to hear.

  Dr. Flora Douglas : Now, listen to this: "Putting aside his superior intellect, Sheldon is a delight to have in the class. He's fun-loving, easy to get along with, and always ready to help another student."

  Sheldon : That doesn't sound like me at all.

  Mary : Sure it does, sweetie.

• Mary : Flora, I have to ask about the living arrangements. That's our main concern.

  Dr. Flora Douglas : Well, I think I can reassure you about that. My husband and I have been hosting a student for the last several years who recently graduated and is now at Princeton. So we have a guest room available in our home.

  George Sr. : That's very generous of you. Does your husband work at the school also?

  Dr. Flora Douglas : No, he's retired. He was an astrophysicist for NASA.

  Sheldon : [his interest piqued]  Please tell me you don't have a dog.

  Dr. Flora Douglas : No. We're both allergic.

  Sheldon : [turning to Mary]  I'm tingling.

• Meemaw : He's gonna come home every Friday night.

  Mary : I didn't think I'd have to deal with this 'till he went to college.

  Meemaw : You should thank your lucky stars he's not in college now.

  Meemaw : I'm still not sure that this is the right thing to do.

  Meemaw : Are you worried that he won't like it, or are you worried that he will?

  Mary : You're not helping.

  Meemaw : Well, that's not my job. I think of myself as a speaker of truth.

  Mary : If you're not gonna make me feel better, go away.

  Meemaw : I'm sorry, but you are stuck with me.

  Sheldon : [narrating as an adult]  As you can see, even as a small child, people cherished having me around and wept over my absence.

• George Sr. : [having different perspectives on the family in Dallas]  Oh, come on. You're making it out like they were some kind of monsters. Sheldon has his own room. There's books everywhere. Even has a big old back yard he won't play in.

  Mary : Aren't you forgetting something?

  George Sr. : What?

  Mary : The underground laboratory.

  George Sr. : I think it's called a finished basement, honey.

  Mary : I know what I saw.

• George Sr. : Mary, it's been a long day. Can we just have a quiet dinner?

  Mary : Sure.

  [scoffing] 

  Mary : "Nice people."

  George Sr. : [frustrated]  Then why'd we leave him there?

  Mary : Because we love him and we want the best for him.

  Missy : [awkward silence]  This is tense.

  Meemaw : Me and the kids had a nice day. Watched a lot of football.

  Georgie : You know the Dolphins' helmet has a dolphin on it? And that dolphin is also wearing a helmet. But its helmet doesn't have a dolphin on it. It has the letter "M."

  Meemaw : We talked about that for an hour.

• Mary : I'm telling you, this is a terrible idea. This is a terrible, terrible idea.

  Meemaw : He's gonna be fine. You'll see.

  Mary : I can't believe you're okay with this.

  Meemaw : I'm not okay with this! I'm just trying to be strong for you.

  Mary : What? You thought him leaving was a good idea.

  Meemaw : Oh, I only said that because you thought it was a bad idea. You know how it's always my nature to go the other way. Say "up".

  Mary : Up.

  Meemaw : Down.

• George Sr. : I'll see you in a bit.

  Mary : Where are you off to?

  George Sr. : I'm going to Dallas to get Sheldon.

  Mary : Really?

  George Sr. : Yeah, really.

  Meemaw : What about this being a great opportunity for him?

  George Sr. : Y'all want me to go or not?

  Mary : [simultaneously]  Yes! Go!

  Meemaw : Yes, and hurry up!