- Howie 'Chimney' Han: How's the car, man?
- Evan 'Buck' Buckley: Oh, you know, you can probably buff most of that out.
- Athena Grant: Now look, my family is everything to me. And there ain't no trouble from the inside or even from the outside that's gonna to tear it apart. Now, we may be buried in it up to our necks right now, and I may want to slap you with my left hand, but my right hand is holding you and the kids tight.
- Henrietta 'Hen' Wilson: [watching Buck driving an ambulance on a video game] Oh! oh - so you're fleeing the scene? You do realize that you lose points for murdering people on the way to a fire.
- Evan 'Buck' Buckley: It's fine. It's a flesh wound. Obamacare.
- Evan 'Buck' Buckley: It's been like fourteen hours. How long does it take to pull a rod out of a guy's skull anyway?
- Henrietta 'Hen' Wilson: You ever heard of that saying that it ain't brain surgery? Well, this is.
- Howie 'Chimney' Han: How come I'm not dead?
- Bobby Nash: Because you are the luckiest and the unluckiest son of bitch on the face of the earth all at the same time.
- Howie 'Chimney' Han: First she said that she cheated on a fiancé that I didn't even know about and that now we need to break up. Then she said she didn't know, I...
- Evan 'Buck' Buckley: Did you give her the option of an open marriage? It's super modern.