Mail Order
- Episode aired Dec 19, 2017
YOUR RATING
A Russian bride moves in with a sexually frustrated loner.A Russian bride moves in with a sexually frustrated loner.A Russian bride moves in with a sexually frustrated loner.
- Directors
- Writer
- Stars
- Directors
- Writer
- All cast & crew
- Production, box office & more at IMDbPro
Storyline
Did you know
- ConnectionsFeatured in Mail Order (2018)
Featured review
Overlong stinker
Running over an hour long, "Mail Order" is a bloated, one-note exercise from pornographers Bree Mills and Craven Moorehead that truly overstays its welcome. More shaggy-dog story than riveting entertainment, it should have been conceived and executed as say a 20-minute scene for competitor Erotica X.
Opening scene betrays the "film school dropouts" CV that afflicts so many video pornographers, as we are injected midway into the story of a mail-order bride from Russia arriving at Ryan Driller's home, the two protagonists photographed relentlessly with their heads out of frame. It creates a cinema verite effect, duly learned at NYU or USC or wherever by budding filmmakers who, given the tough competition out there in the real (mainstream) world, more often than not ending up slaving away in the skin trade.
Given that oral sex is a must in porn, this headless abstraction gambit is quickly dropped in favor of conventional photography, but the resulting feature is tedious and uneventful. We witness Driller, a capable actor in Adult Cinema, overplaying his nervous guy role, delivering nonstop improvised dialog in a manner verging on stammering. Russian beauty Natasha played by Koshka (who was quite effective as a naive young thing in another Mills/Craven opus, the quite distasteful "Doctor's Orders") keeps her mouth shut except when doing what comes naturally.
Why an hour is spent on this very routine sex scene is known only by Bree and one of her trusty editors. Driller showers gifts on his lady from Russia, and expects (and gets) serviced in return.
I don't know what they call it in Putin land but here it plays out as similar to prostitution. So the only supposedly interesting wrinkle as the duo laboriously go through the set positions (ending in a creampie) is Ryan's final gift of a mechanical pump, used first to create the effect of swollen labia and then swollen nipples. Bree evidently thought this novelty would bring down the house but it is just as boring here as when it is applied in scores of cheap-jack fetish videos, whether in the Lactation genre or a subset of BDSM involving medical instruments and other paraphernalia.
Opening scene betrays the "film school dropouts" CV that afflicts so many video pornographers, as we are injected midway into the story of a mail-order bride from Russia arriving at Ryan Driller's home, the two protagonists photographed relentlessly with their heads out of frame. It creates a cinema verite effect, duly learned at NYU or USC or wherever by budding filmmakers who, given the tough competition out there in the real (mainstream) world, more often than not ending up slaving away in the skin trade.
Given that oral sex is a must in porn, this headless abstraction gambit is quickly dropped in favor of conventional photography, but the resulting feature is tedious and uneventful. We witness Driller, a capable actor in Adult Cinema, overplaying his nervous guy role, delivering nonstop improvised dialog in a manner verging on stammering. Russian beauty Natasha played by Koshka (who was quite effective as a naive young thing in another Mills/Craven opus, the quite distasteful "Doctor's Orders") keeps her mouth shut except when doing what comes naturally.
Why an hour is spent on this very routine sex scene is known only by Bree and one of her trusty editors. Driller showers gifts on his lady from Russia, and expects (and gets) serviced in return.
I don't know what they call it in Putin land but here it plays out as similar to prostitution. So the only supposedly interesting wrinkle as the duo laboriously go through the set positions (ending in a creampie) is Ryan's final gift of a mechanical pump, used first to create the effect of swollen labia and then swollen nipples. Bree evidently thought this novelty would bring down the house but it is just as boring here as when it is applied in scores of cheap-jack fetish videos, whether in the Lactation genre or a subset of BDSM involving medical instruments and other paraphernalia.
helpful•01
- lor_
- Sep 10, 2023
Details
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content