Family Guy (TV Series)
The Unkindest Cut (2018)
Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Ida Davis
Photos
Quotes
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[first lines]
Peter Griffin : Is it me or does David Ortiz look just like the mom on Good Times?
Cleveland Brown : Aw Peter, that's racist.
Peter Griffin : No, look.
[he shows a picture of Florida and David Ortiz smiling the exact same way]
Cleveland Brown : I take it back. That's not racist, that's just accurate.
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Peter Griffin : [when trying to get the boat into the water] I feel like everyone watching knows I'm incapable of pleasing my wife sexually.
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Joe Swanson : [snatches gun off Quagmire] I'm keeping this until you start thinking straight!
Gun : Use it on yourself, Joe. There's more than one bullet in here!
Joe Swanson : On second thoughts, maybe you should look after this.
[gives gun to Cleveland]
Gun : Are you really gonna sit there after all the shit the White Man has put you through?
Cleveland : You take this.
[Hands gun to Peter]
Gun : Hey Peter! With me you could get free tacos!
Peter Griffin : [Holding up Taco Store] And I did!
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[last lines]
Joe Swanson : So Quagmire, how's the new rod holding up?
Glenn Quagmire : Yeah, you know... good. Pretty good. I've been having a lot of sex. Uhm... my dad didn't mention there's a four-inch mole on the left side.
Cleveland Brown : What?
Glenn Quagmire : Uh-huh. It's like the size of a fifty-cent piece on a dime kissing each other.
Peter Griffin : Yikes. Frightening.
Glenn Quagmire : Yeah. Some gals find it offputting. I tried to tell them it's my dad's old penis, but, um... that just tends to make it worse. But the girls that stay are just great.
Joe Swanson : Well, I'm happy for you Quagmire.
Glenn Quagmire : Don't be. Anyway, I gotta take a leak.
Joe Swanson : Well, I'm just glad our friend is back to his old self.
Cleveland Brown : Yeah, seems he hasn't missed a beat.
Joe Swanson : It's great that we can be there for each other in trying times.
[he finally notices Quagmire who has been screaming while they're talking]
Joe Swanson : What's that noise?
Cleveland Brown : That's the sound of peeing out your daddy's weiner.