Family Guy (TV Series)

The Unkindest Cut (2018)

Patrick Warburton: Joe Swanson

Quotes 

• Joe Swanson : [snatches gun off Quagmire]  I'm keeping this until you start thinking straight!

  Gun : Use it on yourself, Joe. There's more than one bullet in here!

  Joe Swanson : On second thoughts, maybe you should look after this.

  [gives gun to Cleveland] 

  Gun : Are you really gonna sit there after all the shit the White Man has put you through?

  Cleveland : You take this.

  [Hands gun to Peter] 

  Gun : Hey Peter! With me you could get free tacos!

  Peter Griffin : [Holding up Taco Store]  And I did!

• [last lines] 

  Joe Swanson : So Quagmire, how's the new rod holding up?

  Glenn Quagmire : Yeah, you know... good. Pretty good. I've been having a lot of sex. Uhm... my dad didn't mention there's a four-inch mole on the left side.

  Cleveland Brown : What?

  Glenn Quagmire : Uh-huh. It's like the size of a fifty-cent piece on a dime kissing each other.

  Peter Griffin : Yikes. Frightening.

  Glenn Quagmire : Yeah. Some gals find it offputting. I tried to tell them it's my dad's old penis, but, um... that just tends to make it worse. But the girls that stay are just great.

  Joe Swanson : Well, I'm happy for you Quagmire.

  Glenn Quagmire : Don't be. Anyway, I gotta take a leak.

  Joe Swanson : Well, I'm just glad our friend is back to his old self.

  Cleveland Brown : Yeah, seems he hasn't missed a beat.

  Joe Swanson : It's great that we can be there for each other in trying times.

  [he finally notices Quagmire who has been screaming while they're talking] 

  Joe Swanson : What's that noise?

  Cleveland Brown : That's the sound of peeing out your daddy's weiner.