The Good Place (TV Series)

The Worst Possible Use of Free Will (2018)

Kristen Bell: Eleanor Shellstrop

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Quotes 

• Chidi Anagonye : So, we are moving onto the subject of free will versus determinism. We are officially done with Nietzsche.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Aww. I'm gonna miss Nietzsche. I spent a lot of my life thinking I was better than everyone else, and he showed me why I was right.

• Michael : Can I ask you something? Have I missed anything in that freaky little noodle of yours? See I--I've studied everything about your life. I know your hopes, your fears, your psychology, your tendencies. I know all your private shames, like that you don't wash your feet in the shower; your first concert was Barenaked Ladies; and you have frequent sex dreams about Sam the Eagle, from the Muppets.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Well, he's very authoritative, and I find that reassuring.

• Eleanor Shellstrop : Whatever. Who even cares?

  Michael : I do. Because if everything is determined, and we have no free will, then all the stuff we're doing to put more good into the world is pointless. And I want to believe that it matters. So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna use my free will right now to go pick up our friends at the airport. Worst possible use of free will, but I'm gonna do it anyway, because I care about them.

• Eleanor Shellstrop : I gotta say, it seems like I was really nailing that philosophy class. Can you believe my high school voted me "Most Likely to Die Young and Unaccomplished?"

  Michael : You *did* die young and unaccomplished.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Fair enough.

• Eleanor Shellstrop : Before we go any further, I have one very important question. Did I look hot bald? 'Cause I always kind of felt like I could pull it off.

  Michael : I have no real ability to gauge physical attractiveness in humans. But no, you did not pull it off.

• Michael : This library's depressing. All they have in the Poetry section is Jeff Foxworthy books.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Well, we needed someplace deserted, and there's no place more deserted than a public library in Arizona.

• Michael : Do you really not see what's happening here? Do you want me to spell it out for you? This is a defense mechanism, Eleanor. You saw yourself fall in love with Chidi, and it freaked you out to see yourself be so vulnerable. So, you're using determinism to convince yourself that those feelings were not real.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : You know, you don't know me, man.

  Michael : Yes, I do, I know everything about you, remember? Including that nothing scares you more than vulnerability.

• Michael : I tried to script your whole afterlife. And I devised a 15 million-point plan to torture you. You made choices I never saw coming. I call that free will.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : What if all *your* choices are predetermined?

  Michael : Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : What? We don't know. Maybe there's a mega-demon who built a torture chamber for demons, and this whole thing is just him torturing you. And maybe all the mega-demons are just fulfilling a destiny laid out by a bunch of super intelligent tarantula-squids, who are torturing them, be--

  [Michael dumps his iced tea on Eleanor's head. She gasps] 

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Why did you do that?

  Michael : Because I have free will.

  [Eleanor sighs] 

  Michael : And because you're being so annoying.

• Laverne : You want something to drink?

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Maybe I do, maybe I don't. But whatever I choose will be the result of millions of biological, genetic, and societal factors that are entirely outside my control.

  Michael : [the waitress stares confused]  Iced tea.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Oh, that sounds good. I'll have one too.

• Eleanor Shellstrop : [Michael removes Eleanor's memory earbuds]  Hey.

  Michael : What? You liked him, he liked you. You did nice things for each other. Your lack of parental affection did not make you numb to love, blah blah blah.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Blah blah blah? Why don't you want me to see this? What are you hiding?

  Michael : Nothing. It's just, the rest is not interesting.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Yeah, no, you're right. Not that interesting. Just watching myself fall in love for the first time in fake heaven. What else is on? I am going to put this back in my ear, and you are going to show me how thoughtful and caring I am, or I'm gonna rip off your demon head and shove it up whatever's where your butt should be. Roll it.

• Jason Mendoza : Dude, we can get mythical animals? Maybe I'll get a penguin.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Penguins are real.

  Jason Mendoza : That's the spirit, Eleanor. They're real to me too.

• Michael : Okay, yes. I put you and Chidi in close proximity, because I needed you to drive each other crazy. But I never intended for you to fall in love.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Once you made us bond, the romance was inevitable. It's a basic reality show playbook. Put a bunch of attractive young people in stressful situations, so they act like idiots and have sex with each other. This is all just... determinism.