Ah! My Goddess: Bad Goddess The Anime Video Comic (TV Series)

Hot Off The Press & Where Did All the Aliens Go? (2017)

Verdandi Nornir: Belldandy

Quotes 

• Narrator : One ordinary day in May, three magical Goddesses of Fate found themselves on the doorstep of a loveable college student named Keiichi Morisato. They had joy and laughter and many adventures together. And everyone was happy. Soon after their college days had ended, the Goddesses sold out and became an anime pop culture phenomenon that was shortly killed off two seasons later by the Evangelion movies. And now that it's writer had somewhat passed his initiation of writing a serial he could go out with his head held high and take the Bad Goddess universe into the future. That is, until this story happened...

  Otaki : I can't believe it myself. Kevin from the Other Dimension finally found a way to kill off the Individual Me's. He just embarrassed the living fuck out of everyone.

  Belldandy : That sounds like one crazy adventure you all went on. But it seems like it should've been more epic and it ended in an anti-climax.

  Otaki : Yeah, but if it had been a straight action story, then it would've been like every other tv show.

  Belldandy : There's just one thing that really irks me. We never got to meet Lloyd Kaufman's First Doctor What.

  First Doctor What : Here I am! Sorry I'm late! What? Did everyone miss me?

  Otaki : Miss you? We never even met you. Where were you when we were trying to find you?

  Belldandy : Yeah, you completely skipped out on the third act of the movie.

  First Doctor What : Well, my alternate universe voice actor is an extremely busy man. He just finished shooting a sequel to Class of Nuke'Em High, and he has a company to run.

  Otaki : Oh wow! We've got to get Natsumi and Doctor What in here!

• First Doctor What : Oh, no can do. I can't be in the same room at the same time as the current Doctor What. The mechanisms of the Yggdrasil System Force will forever keep us apart. You remember what happened in the movie Time Cop, don't you?

  Belldandy : But Charlie Day and his counterpart were in the same room at the same time.

  First Doctor What : Yes, but Bad Goddess universe Charlie Day and Doctor What are not the same person. Only other dimensional Charlie Day and Doctor What are connected... and that's assuming.

  Otaki : I'm confused. Are you the third doctor, or the first doctor? I thought the first doctor was Charlie Day's version in the Slaughter High story.

  First Doctor What : Well, no, that would be like saying Christopher Eccleston was the first doctor because he was in the first episode of the reboot Doctor Who. The real first Doctor was William Hartnell.

  Belldandy : So, you're our William Hartnell?

  First Doctor What : Oh fuck no. I'm not that hard headed and dignified.

  Otaki : Yeah, unfortunately our writer can't hold a torch to Terry Nation and Steve Moffat.

  Belldandy : Were you in the early episodes of the public access show? When did that get started?

  First Doctor What : Public Access? Why would I want to be on Public Access? That's not a very high goal to have in life...

  Otaki : But- but- that's who you are- You're Everybody's Favorite Public Access Time Lord.

  First Doctor What : You're thinking of Charlie Day's Doctor What. You don't want to know how many Doctors we went through before we even got to him.

  Belldandy : But you have to be on Public Access. It's a part of who you are. Without it, it almost feels like you're incomplete.

  First Doctor What : I'm too old to be passing out asswhoopings like my younger counterparts. I usually have to think my way out of things.

  Otaki : Riiiiiiiggggghhhhht...

• Titles : LLOYD KAUFMAN, BELLDANDY MORISATO, and OTAKI in DOCTOR WHAT. EPISODE: HOT OFF THE PRESS. WRITTEN BY KEVIN FROM THE OTHER DIMENSION.

  Belldandy : So, what brought you here in the first place?

  First Doctor What : What always brings me here? In case you haven't noticed, I'm a living, breathing magnet for trouble.

  The Grammar Nazi : And so trouble arrives!

  Otaki : Who the fuck are you?

  The Grammar Nazi : I am the greatest enemy that the Bad Goddess universe has ever seen. Far worse than the Gremlin, and potentially more devastating than Mr Grin or Mara Marller. I am... THE GRAMMAR NAZI!

  Belldandy : Oh shit, we're completely fucked.

  First Doctor What : Oh, please, this guy can't hurt you. Not if you take time and care to use a proper spell checker.

  Belldandy : That's the problem, Doctor. Kevin from the Other Dimension has the worst spell checker and auto corrector in history. Honestly, it's the biggest fucking annoyance the Oh My Goddess universe has ever seen.

  Otaki : In the fan fiction community, what Kevin does is called "Hot Off the Press". Some website ever refuse to run stories like these AND they don't accept stories in screenplay format.

  Belldandy : We just don't understand why he refuses to go back and fix all of his mistakes.

• The Grammar Nazi : And that is why I've come. For you see, the only way to get the point across to the other dimension is to apply the rod. I am going to spell and grammar check every fucking little mistake that Kevin from the Other Dimension has ever made. And for every mistake I find... PEOPLE WILL DIE in horrible and grisly demented ways.

  First Doctor What : It sounds like there's going to be a lot of victims in the near future.

  Belldandy : It could be the very end of the Bad Goddess universe as we know it.

  Otaki : You heard Belldandy! Shank this Unholy Cocksucker in the face with your Sonic Screwdriver!

  First Doctor What : Hold it, hold it, hold it. Nobody is shanking anybody in the face with a screwdriver. That's just cold. What kind of sick fuck would come up with something like that?

  Otaki : You did.

  First Doctor What : Yeah, it's too bad I'll never meet my younger counterparts, cause I want to bitchslap every last one of them for doing that.

  The Grammar Nazi : So, how were you planning on stopping me, Heir Doctor?

  First Doctor What : With common sense. Who sent you here?

  The Grammar Nazi : I was sent here by Kodansha Ltd. We want to bring Bad Goddess to your Japanese Fan Fiction audiences, but our translators are having too much fucking trouble because of Kevin from the Other Dimension's spelling and grammar errors.

• Otaki : Oh yeah, I almost forgot Oh My Goddess was made by and for Japanese Audiences.

  First Doctor What : Well, there's your answer right there. FUCK JAPAN!

  Belldandy : Fuck Japan?

  The Grammar Nazi : YOU CAN'T IGNORE JAPAN! JAPAN WILL NOT BE IGNORED!

  Otaki : But didn't you shoot The Toxic Avenger Part II in Japan?

  First Doctor What : Yeah, and it's the WORST SEQUEL EVER!

  Belldandy : Maybe we should travel to the afterlife and bring back Joe Fleishaker to sit on his ass.

  Otaki : May he rest in peace.

  First Doctor What : Oh sure, Japan thinks it's hot shit when it comes to the Anime Industry. Every time they come out with a new series, everyone in America has to wait for the translators to get to it. Everyone in America has to wait for the TV/DVD releases to come to their country. Well now the tables have turned! Now we have an R-Rated Anime in America that the Japanese are going to have to wait for!

  Otaki : Doctor, we already have that. It's called The Boondocks, and it's fucking awesome.

• The Grammar Nazi : Just what the hell are you trying to say, Heir Doctor?

  First Doctor What : I'm saying that Kevin from the Other Dimension's spelling errors are the only thing that's standing in the way of the Bad Goddess universe being co-opted by the Japanese.

  The Grammar Nazi : Are you fucking serious? Do you seriously believe we can't find a way to translate this fucking little punk's shit? It's only a matter of time, and when we do, we're going to re-write everything! Say goodbye to the unadaptable meta nature of his writing. Say goodbye to the personal life experiences that the writer injects into the stories. We're sanitizing this shit for Japanese Television Audiences! NOTHING CAN STOP THE ALT-RIGHT! SIEG HEIL!

  First Doctor What : Except me.

  The Grammar Nazi : And just what are you going to do about it, Heir Doctor?

  First Doctor What : I'm going to hack Kevin from the Other Dimension's laptop keyboard and erase you from existence.

  The Grammar Nazi : What the shit are you babbling about?

  First Doctor What : It's happening already. Kiss your sorry Grammar Nazi Ass goodbye. And send Weird Al Yankovic my regards.

  The Grammar Nazi : No! Wait!...

  Belldandy : Bye bye Japan.

• Titles : The No Named Villain Fades Away...

  First Doctor What : Let's see Kodansha translate that into a visual depiction.

  Otaki : BEHOLD THE POWER OF WRITING!

  Belldandy : You know, that's funny. I've always thought it was kind of weird when we worked those Anime Conventions and our cosplayer counterparts were always Japanese. People always assume that we're Japanese because it's a Japanese Manga and Anime, but if you read between the line, everyone refers to us as foreigners. We just speak Japanese because as Goddesses who cater to the entire earth, we're required to be Multi-Lingual.

  Otaki : Then what race and nationality would you describe yourselves as?

  Belldandy : Nationality? We're from Heaven, silly.

  Otaki : Yeah, but if you had to apply Earth races to yourselves, what would you pick?

  First Doctor What : Hmm... I say... Belldandy is Norwegian... Urd is Indian... Skuld is Japanese... Peorth is French... and Lind is Ethiopean...

  Otaki : ETHIOPEAN?

  First Doctor What : Yeah, you don't have to be black to come from Ethiopea.

  Belldandy : [facepalm]  AY-YI-YI...

  First Doctor What : Well, it's time for me to head off... I've got a date with an old friend I need to keep.

  Belldandy : Okay! Goodbye First Doctor What! It's been real!

• Titles : WHERE DID ALL THE ALIENS GO?

  Megumi Morisato : You know, there's just one thing that really bugs me about this show.

  Belldandy : What's that, Megumi?

  Megumi Morisato : How is it, that after 25 years and over 300 issues of the original manga, a time lord just shows up with no real explanation as to how he got there? I mean, if he existed in the world of the manga, he would've been there the whole time, right?

  Skuld : Well, I would think the answer is obvious. Doctor What never appeared in Oh My Goddess because he isn't a creation of that universe. Doctor What has the ability to jump into other people's television shows and movie universes, and hence he jumped into ours.

  Belldandy : Yeah, we jumped the gun and assumed he was an angel like one of us, but really, we don't know who the hell he really is.

  Megumi Morisato : But what about that infamous chapter titled, "The Secret Ending That Must Not Be Revealed"?

  Urd : I can explain the joke reveals of Doctor What easily. Do you remember the ending of the movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit? During the climax of the movie, Judge Doom is revealed to be a toon. And when the adventure is over, everyone is left guessing which toon he was. Oh, but Eddie Valiant knows which toon it was, it was the toon that killed Eddie's brother.

  Skuld : Wait for it... wait for it...

  Megumi Morisato : But... knowing it was the toon that killed Eddie's brother, still doesn't give you the identity of what toon Judge Doom was being played by.

  Belldandy : And then everyone flips out over their stupid mistake assumptions about who Judge Doom really was. You see, it's that simple. If our writer really thought he was giving away Doctor What's identity, he wouldn't have done it.

• Urd : Ultimately, in the end, there is no valid explanation for why Doctor What appears in this universe. Kevin from the Other Dimension's daughter just happened to rent Doctor Who from Vulcan Video that day he was writing The Rejected Sequel, and he thought it would make a cute crossover episode. Rather than infringe on BBC's copyright by using the real Doctor, Kevin tried to write a new character, that fit the rules of Fujishima's universe. For example, why is Doctor What's Tardis bigger on the inside, because Skuld installed a space doubler on his ship. Skuld's invention was a perfect match for that technology. Why would a time lord hang out with the Goddesses of Past, Present, and Future? Because they're immortal, and no matter where he travelled in time, they would remain the one constant in his life through this everchanging world. It was already established in the BBC show that the Doctor had met Gods and Angels before. Another good question would be why couldn't the Goddesses identify him using Yggdrasil?

  Skuld : Because they were looking for a Male God in the Yggdrasil system, instead of a Female Demoness in the Niddhog System. The answer was right in front of everyone's faces. Practically all of the Angels in Oh My Goddess are Women. Doctor Who has repeatedly toyed with regenerating the Doctor into a woman. So why not the reverse changing of a woman into a man. It was also established in another episode that Mara Marller was able to turn Belldandy into a demon by switching out her license, so Doctor What hid his identity by doing the reverse and changing his license to that of a God. All that leaves is the Doublet problem.

  Belldandy : Kevin's explanation that Doctor What kept an eye on Skuld over the centuries. Because he figured out she was his Doublet makes sense at first... until you realize he thought it up too late to write it into the story. In the Bad Goddess Who Fell to Earth story, Doctor What came to Skuld's rescue because he came from an alternate universe where she was murdered by a drunk driver. If Doctor What was Skuld's Doublet, then he wouldn't have been alive to make that rescue.

  Urd : Oh, it gets even better than that... Kevin forgot something else when he wrote that into the story. Fujishima never stated who Skuld's Doublet was in the Oh My Goddess universe, but as a writer, he probably made character bios for all of our Doublets in case he ever needed to use them. We'll probably never know who Skuld's original Doublet was... but the far fetched idea that Fujishima's character would be impersonating Charlie Day on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia... and playing a Public Access Time Lord, it probably has Kosuke Fujishima laughing his ass off right now. As a writer, Kevin Neece is such an intense fuckup, that he didn't realize his mistake until at least a week after he had released the story and everybody had already read it. That's why you shouldn't release fan fiction stories "Hot Off the Press".

  Megumi Morisato : Okay, first off... Fuck all of you... Oh My Goddess Fans live to point out our Screenwriting Fuckups! It's like the Greatest Fucking Joy They've Ever Known. Kevin's refusal to maintain proper Logic and Continuity throughout this series is a comical throwback to how Fujishima would repeatedly drop his own rules when they began to bore him. It's not that Kosuke wasn't TRYING to stay faithful to his own story... it's just that Oh My Goddess had an annoying release plan of once a month stretched out over a period of twenty five years, and the contradictions weren't noticeable until the readers started reading the stories back to back after it got released in volumes. One contradiction became so Legendary that they even made fun of it in the Anime Series... I'm referring to the Time Difference between Heaven and Earth.

  Urd : We already referenced that in the original Doctor What story. Kevin used it to try and guestimate our minimal ages.

  Megumi Morisato : Yeah, but does that math really count if Fujishima dropped it about twenty issues later? It seemed like Kosuke was making some sort of half-assed attempt to try and connect you to your Norse Mythology counterparts The Three Norns. But by all accounts it appears that he didn't really think it through. For example, if time in Heaven was moving at such an increasingly alarming rate... then how would your race of Goddesses be able to monitor all life on earth in real time... it just doesn't seem possible... What I'm trying to say here is... sometimes even the most professional of writers can make mistakes when they have the pressure of a deadline to maintain. Especially if you're someone who's jumping between different manga releases like Oh My Goddess, You're Under Arrest, Ex-Driver.

  Belldandy : Getting back to Doctor What. There's another thing that bugs me about having Doctor What as a character, namely, where did all of the aliens go? How come we don't have aliens like the other tv show?

  Urd : Did you not see Skuld's Adventure in the Slaughter High story?

  Belldandy : That wasn't an alien... Kevin photoshopped that thing off of a movie called Monster in the Closet. I mean... holy shit... he didn't even have the decency to properly screencapture the monster off a dvd rental... He just used whatever shitty jpeg image was lying around on the internet. What a lazy fucking bastard.

• Skuld : Belldandy... I hate to break this to you... but... WE ARE THE ALIENS... from a technical standpoint... Kevin's joke theory that we're really an alien invasion is not entirely wrong... Our version of Heaven technically exists in another dimension... Yggdrasil does control the environmental aspects of the planet, and the reason we grants wishes is because we need the energy tradeoff of their souls to survive. You don't HAVE to be a monster from Outer Space to be an Alien. A person who illegally crosses the border from Mexico into the United States to find work is defined as an Alien. It just depends on the perspective of how you look at it. When people see Yggdrasil warping their reality... the first thing that comes to mind is that fucking Matrix movie... But we're not forcibly taking their free wills from them... The trade off of the energy is exactly that... a trade... When you buy a Soda from the local corner gas station, do you just take it and run out... no, you have to pay for that. It's common knowledge stated clearly within the rules of witchcraft... when you make a request of a God... you have to give them something in return. That's why witchcraft spells backfire when people play around with them. They think they can just get everything handed to them for free, and when they don't make the token payment, the God is insulted.

  Megumi Morisato : Yeah, but the fact remains, you're not Space Aliens... you're Angels... Marvel Comics presented a theory... In one of their Thor movies that the Gods were Aliens that visited a primitive race such as the Vikings and were mistaken for Gods because of the religious ignorance of the time period. But everyone should've been tipped off in The Rejected Sequel that when our Planet was wiped out of existence, we woke up in your dimension. That's a pretty dead give-away that you do in fact come from the Afterlife. What I'm trying to say here is, how come we've never seen the kind of aliens that appear on television shows, like Star Trek or Serenity or Doctor Who? Fuck, I'll even settle for Lost in Space or the Twilight Zone.

  Urd : Well, I would argue that those aliens in the Doctor Who tv show don't exist in their universe either... because it's just a bunch of human beings in special effects makeup.

  Megumi Morisato : By that standard, can't we just get our own Special Effects people to make up some aliens for us?

  Urd : On our writer's shitty budget? Really?

  Belldandy : That is so weird. You want to hire people to pretend to be space aliens in our lives? As if the cosplayers dressing up like us wasn't strange enough already.

  Skuld : What, you mean, you want our villains to sit in special effects makeup chairs for hours on end every morning just so they can have the privilege of starting shit up with us?

  Megumi Morisato : Can't we have some kind of Sci Fi Adventures? Is that asking for too much? Having Doctor What takes us to a Pizza Hut populated with Ralph Bakshi characters is not Doctor Who! Having Stephen Geoffreys street brawl The Lost Boys in a Bowling Alley is not Doctor Who!

  Urd : Well, then you're in luck, Megumi, because the last serial Kevin wrote in the Bad Goddess series was an honest to god Doctor Who style adventure called "Marller Gets a Spinoff: The Dragon Eye Serial".

  Megumi Morisato : "Marller Gets a Spinoff"? Uh Oh... I wouldn't let that crazy she-bitch anywhere near that fucking time machine...

  Belldandy : One of the things that everyone may have overlooked during this series was that Kevin tried to give Mara Marller her dignity back as a villain. He never presents her as an incompetent failure, nor does he make her grovel before Hild. Too many times in Fan Fiction, the writer sets out to make Marller into a Hero because they feel sorry for her... But Kevin understands that is not the nature of her character. To suggest that Marller has to switch sides or change her ways is idiotic and contradictory to what she is. In the Oh My Goddess series, the two races of Goddesses and Demons are presented as two different flip sides of a coin. From a technical standpoint they both do the same job, which is competing for shares of people's souls. The only physical difference between them seems to be the licenses that they carry and their general attitudes towards life. Marller is simply a Demon who had to go to School and get a license to do a job... and her entire reason for trying to run the Goddesses off in the original series was because their presence was overloading the balance between good and evil. She even says it herself to Keiichi during her first appearance... It's not like the demons in our universe are a bunch of serial killers running around chopping people's heads off. So Marller's character arc is not to become a better person, but to stand up for herself against Hild.

  Urd : So get ready for our next episode, when Doctor What, Marller, Sayoko, and Welsper get stranded in Medieval Times.

  Megumi Morisato : Oh, no... you're actually going to do it... You're actually going to give Marller a Spinoff.

  Skuld : After what she did to Planet Earth in The Rejected Sequel... I'd say Humanity is Completely Fucked...

  Titles : STEPHEN GEOFFREYS, SAYOKO and MARA MARLLER in MARLLER GETS A SPINOFF. COMING SOON.