- Agnes: Hello, dear. I'm Agnes, your neighbor to the right. My right, not yours. Forgive me for not stopping by sooner to welcome you to the block. My mother-in-law was in town, so I wasn't. So, what's your name? Where are you from? And most importantly, how's your bridge game, hon?
- Agnes: So what's a single gal like you doing rattling around this big house?
- Wanda Maximoff: Oh, no, I'm not single.
- Agnes: Oh, I don't see a ring.
- Wanda Maximoff: I assure you, I'm married. To a man. A human one and tall.
- [first lines]
- Vision: [after Wanda accidentally hits him in the head with a levitating plate] My wife and her flying saucers.
- Wanda Maximoff: My husband and his indestructible head.
- Vision: Aren't we a fine pair?
- Agnes: What kind of housewife would I be if I didn't have a gourmet meal for four just lying about the place?
- Arthur Hart: You know, I owe my success to being a keen judge of character. No skeletons in your closet, eh, Vision?
- Vision: I don't have a skeleton, sir.
- Arthur Hart: Glad to hear it. Your future in this company depends on it.
- Wanda Maximoff: What do you say to silver dollar pancakes, crispy hash browns, bacon, eggs, freshly squeezed orange juice, and black coffee?
- Vision: I say, "Oh, I don't eat food."
- Wanda Maximoff: Well, that explains the empty refrigerator.
- Wanda Maximoff: Who are those people?
- Vision: What are you wearing?
- Wanda Maximoff: Why are they here?
- Vision: What are you wearing?
- Wanda Maximoff: Well, it's our anniversary!
- Vision: Our anniversary of what?
- Wanda Maximoff: Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!
- Vision: That, that man through there is my boss, Mr. Hart! And his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart! The heart on the calendar was an abbreviation!
- Wanda Maximoff: You move at the speed of sound and I can make a pen float through the air. Who needs to abbreviate?
- Vision: Darling, listen, it's all romantic to do the candles, the music, that stunning outfit...
- Wanda Maximoff: Well...
- Vision: I don't wanna be unappreciative, but right now...
- Wanda Maximoff: Your boss and his wife are expecting a home-cooked meal.
- Vision: Exactly.
- Wanda Maximoff: Any chance they'd settle for a single chocolate-covered strawberry split three ways?
- Vision: [calling Wanda, with two different understandings of an important date] Listen, about tonight...
- Wanda Maximoff: Don't worry, dear. I have everything under control.
- Vision: Oh, well, that is a relief. I, uh, must confess, I'm really rather nervous.
- Wanda Maximoff: Nervous? Whatever for?
- Vision: Well, you know, darling, I still get a little tongue-tied.
- Wanda Maximoff: Vis, after all this time...
- Vision: There's an awful lot riding on this one, Wanda. If tonight doesn't go just so, I think this could be the end.
- Wanda Maximoff: Well, it's just one night. There's no need to get dramatic.
- Vision: Look, I think the best course of action is to impress the wife.
- Wanda Maximoff: And I think the best course of action is to impress the husband.
- Vision: Well, wonderful. Glad to know we're both on the same page. Until tonight, then, my darling.
- Wanda Maximoff: Until tonight.
- Wanda Maximoff: We are an unusual couple, you know?
- Vision: Oh, I don't think that was ever in question.
- Wanda Maximoff: What I mean is... we don't have an anniversary.
- Vision: Huh.
- Wanda Maximoff: Or a song. Or even wedding rings.
- Vision: Well, we could remedy that. Today could be our anniversary.
- Wanda Maximoff: Of what? Surviving our first dinner party?
- Vision: Precisely. And our song could be?
- Wanda Maximoff: "Yakkety Yak," naturally.
- Vision: Naturally.
- Wanda Maximoff: Hmm. And the rings?
- Vision: Well, couldn't you make some for us?
- [she does so]
- Vision: I do. Do you?
- Wanda Maximoff: Yes. I do.
- Vision: Is there something special about today?
- Wanda Maximoff: Well, I know the apron is a bit much, dear, but I am doing my best to blend in.
- Vision: No, no, there on the calendar. Someone's drawn a little heart right above today's date.
- Wanda Maximoff: Oh, yes. The heart.
- Vision: Hmm.
- Wanda Maximoff: Well, don't tell me you have forgotten, Vis.
- Vision: Forgotten? Oh, Wanda, I'm incapable of forgetfulness. I remember everything. That's not an exaggeration. In fact, I'm incapable of exaggeration.
- Wanda Maximoff: Well, then tell me what's so important about today's date.
- Vision: [lost for words] What was the question again?
- Vision: I couldn't find the lobsters, and did you want the meat tender or pulverized?
- Wanda Maximoff: Oh, dear.
- Vision: [she heads to the kitchen] Well. I think tonight's going swimmingly. Anyone for Parcheesi?
- Mrs. Hart: My-my... my head is spinning.
- Vision: Oh, Mrs. Hart...
- Arthur Hart: Did you hear that? My wife's head is spinning. Generally speaking, I don't like her head to do that.
- Wanda Maximoff: Oh, what was I supposed to do next? Oh, what was the main course again? It was... Steak... no. Steak... Steak...
- [finding the right recipe card]
- Wanda Maximoff: ...Diane!
- Vision: Yes? Oh, I think that must be my wife summoning me.
- Arthur Hart: She calls you Diane?
- Vision: Yes, it's her pet name for me.
- Agnes: You didn't answer the back door.
- [giving a pineapple to Wanda]
- Agnes: For your upside-down cake.
- [seeing the Harts]
- Agnes: Oh! Hi, I...
- Arthur Hart: [Wanda closes the door in her face] Who was that?
- Wanda Maximoff: [simultaneously] A salesman!
- Vision: Telegram. A man selling telegrams.
- Wanda Maximoff: Wouldn't you know it? Good news is more expensive.
- Arthur Hart: So I said, "If we orient the forms horizontally rather than vertically, we can use twice the paper, we can bill twice the cost."
- Vision: You truly are a pioneer! But the-the larger purpose of the forms is...
- Arthur Hart: Was to analyze our input and our output.
- Vision: Huh.
- Arthur Hart: You're awfully dense, aren't you, Vision?
- Wanda Maximoff: I hope you're hungry.
- Arthur Hart: Starved, is more like it.
- Mrs. Hart: My head is-is starting to feel woozy.
- [in the kitchen, Vision hits a steak with the meat tenderizer]
- Wanda Maximoff: [trying to distract the Harts] Were either of you aware that married men are killing single men at an alarming rate?
- Arthur Hart: What are you going on about?
- [another whacking sound from the kitchen]
- Arthur Hart: And what's going on in there?
- Vision: How can I be of assistance?
- Wanda Maximoff: Well, the chicken is no longer a chicken and the lobsters just flew the coop, so the steak is the last man standing. It says here I can cut down the prep time with a meat tenderizer.
- Vision: Excellent plan. Where's the tenderizer?
- Wanda Maximoff: [offering him the so-named kitchen tool] I'm looking at him.
- Agnes: And you don't have a song? Nothing special you played at your wedding?
- Wanda Maximoff: No, nothing special.
- Agnes: I'll just loan you some records, then. So, we've got music covered, decor, wardrobe. Oh! What about seduction techniques?
- Wanda Maximoff: Oh, I have those.
- Agnes: Of course, you do.
- Wanda Maximoff: Just out of curiosity, what does it say?
- Agnes: That you should stumble when you walk into a room so he can catch you. It's romantic.
- Wanda Maximoff: Any other tricks?
- Agnes: You could point out that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men.
- Wanda Maximoff: Now, that's romantic.
- Mrs. Hart: So, where did you two move from? What brought you here? How long have you been married? And why don't you have children yet?
- Vision: [Wanda doesn't know what to say] I think what my wife means to say is that we-we... we moved from...
- Wanda Maximoff: Yes, we moved from...
- Vision: And we were married...
- Wanda Maximoff: Yes, yes, we were married in...
- Arthur Hart: Well? Moved from where? Married when?
- Mrs. Hart: Now, patience, Arthur. They're setting up their story. Let them tell it.
- Arthur Hart: You know, I'm beginning to think you're not management material, Vision. You know, I had high hopes for you. But from what I've seen here tonight, you can barely keep it together. I mean, look around. There's all this chaos going on in your household. Now, when are we gonna eat?
- Wanda Maximoff: Dinner is served.
- Arthur Hart: Breakfast for dinner? How very, uh...
- Mrs. Hart: European.
- Vision: Would you be so good as to tell me what it is we do here, exactly? Do we make something?
- Norm: No.
- Vision: Right. Do we buy or sell something?
- Norm: No and no.
- Vision: Then what is the purpose of this company?
- Norm: All I know is, since you've gotten here, productivity has gone up 300%.
- Vision: Yes, but what is it we're producing?
- Norm: Computational forms. And no one can process the data quite like you do, pal. You're like a walking computer.
- Vision: What? I most certainly am not. I'm a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter, much like yourself, Norm.
- Norm: Hey! What's got your feathers all ruffled?
- Vision: Yes, I'm sorry, I'm a tad on edge. You see, it appears there's something special about today, special to Wanda, that's my wife, and gee, I can't, for the life of me, recall what it is.
- Wanda Maximoff: You move at the speed of sound and I can make a pen float through the air. Who needs to abbreviate?
- Agatha: Hello, dear. I'm Agnes, your neighbour to the right. My right, not yours. Forgive me for not stopping by sooner to welcome you to the block. My mother-in-law was in town, so I wasn't. So, what's your name? Where are you from? And more importantly, how's your bridge game, hon?
- Wanda Maximoff: I'm Wanda
- Agatha: Wanda, charmed.
- Arthur Hart: Wife and I are looking forward to tonight.
- Vision: [connecting the dots] Mr. Hart! Of course! Dinner with Mr. Hart and his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart.
- Arthur Hart: Yes, that's what I just said. What's wrong with you, son? Have you got a screw loose?
- Vision: Oh, no, sir.
- [tapping his head]
- Vision: Screws all tightened, sir.
- Arthur Hart: Yes, I should hope so. Employee dinners are a rite of passage for the new hires.
- Vision: Ah.
- Arthur Hart: Jones over there failed miserably. Isn't that right, Jones?
- Phil Jones: [leaving his office with a box of belongings] The wife thought five courses would be sufficient.
- Arthur Hart: And there was that paltry excuse for entertainment.
- Phil Jones: A string quartet?
- Arthur Hart: And then you had that embarrassing display of beatnik enthusiasm.
- Phil Jones: I wore a turtleneck.
- Arthur Hart: Yes. Best of luck out there in the unemployment line, Jones.