Reviews

SICK SICK SICK, but either a sign of the times when such brazen brainwashing and homogenizing was the norm, or twisted-genius. Akin to those identity-stealing `educational' (read: propaganda) shorts, they teach you that everything you do is wrong and you are only slightly LESS wrong by denying individuality. One can only guess the true intent.

Were the children cast as more villainous characters, one could almost rationally excuse and/or condone their ghastly fates. But they were mainly just being kids with their typical personality quirks, which many of which grow out of with proper care. And the so-called `hero' of the story is no less a meddlesome troublemaker, by the standards set by the other children, as illustrated in the bubble room.

The lessons learned...? No children can resist sin, and all of them are evil? Affluence is evil? Only poor kids are worthy of a second chance? Evil masquerades in bright colors, and sings funny songs? Candy is bad?

And that's just the underlying barely-subliminal wrong-messages (I didn't even touch the possible Freudian suggestions). Some OBVIOUS red flags should be the glorification of an unchecked crazed despotic slave driver with Svengali-like control over children and the media, breaking the laws of nature and physics (and probably many other laws), housing a small personal army, and endangering children in hopes of finding an heir.

Good grief, is there a SINGLE positive message?

Most other children's movies and shows are drivel, but are far less harmless. I wouldn't recommend this for ANY children you hope to grow up well adjusted. I DO, however, recommend adults to watch this. It's either a work of twisted-genius, or just a really bad kids movie. Either way, it's fun to analyze.

Obviously this didn't win any awards for excellency, but it wasn't that horrible of a movie either. It showed bits and pieces of comedic genius mixed in with lowbrow and downright idiotic slapstick. Could this be a deeper and uncomfortable view into the twisted mind of Leguizamo (who must have been on a diet of sugar and caffeine throughout the filming of The Pest)? For what it's worth, about 20 minutes into the movie I wanted to kill his character, Pest. Hopefully that's what the writer intended... It was worth the $1.50 I paid for it, but it wouldn't last 1 second against true comedic genius like Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

The American Ninja series was a screaming roller coaster, starting high and rocketing straight down into darkness. And just when you think you've hit rock bottom, someone puts dog poo down there to further insult the series. This is an abomination, even compared to American Ninja 4 and 3. Is it trying to be a kids movie, akin to the MUCH better Surf Ninjas or TMNT? Is it trying to be an action packed movie, featuring a good stunt actor James Lew? Is this the triumphant return of Pat Morita? I don't know, and I bet the crew didn't either. This is an embarrassment to ALL involved with horrible action, horrible dialogue, a horrible plot, and again... HORRIBLE ACTION. James Lew deserves better.

I lost a dare on this pile (and my voice after yelling at it for twenty minutes). I can usually find SOMETHING redeeming in even the worst movie, but I couldn't stop screaming "WHY?!" at every pointless scene that dragged this mess even further into the dirt. Nothing. NOTHING. It wasn't even fun making fun of. What's fun of tearing apart something that's worse than the most vile insult I can think of? I'd be giving this trainwreck (for the life of me, I still don't understand the plot) credit if I called it a 'movie.' If you want a challenge, go ahead and try to joke it, but you'll probably be just as frustrated as we were.

This Battle RTS game has a wonderful Anime flair to it. One of the best produced games on the Sega Saturn. This game is one of the top games for the Sega Saturn system (rivalled only by Rayearth, Panzer Dragoon RPG, Shining Force 3, NiGHTS, Burning Rangers, and Iron Storm), the best game of it's genre on home console systems (even better than Dragon Force 2), and one of the best games of the 32-bit era.

The battle system, domestic system, and overall engine of the game are well designed and balanced and rivals even some of the best PC real-time battle sims. What sets this apart from the rest is the depth of characters. Each general has a personality, and special powers. The plot line is deep and involving, and evolves steadily. For each of the main kingdoms you chose, the plot and outcome are different which adds to the replay-value of the game. The art is also top-notch anime style, though some of the animated scenes are of a lower quality but still good. The American version's voices are a mixed bunch, some being good, but many being way over the top.

Altogether, this is a classic game that any Sega Saturn owner and any TRUE gamer should have in their library.

Some games are hyped beyond belief, and often fall short. This is one of the few games that, in my opinion, lived up to the hype and then punched it in the face. This game is precisely the game I had hoped the industry would create since I was a young gamer, and playing the 1st Metal Gear on MSX. This is, in my eyes and in many others I know, one of the games that everyone has to experience. It may not be everyones game, but most will be surprised that this game has production values well beyond Hollywood movies. This even puts Tom Clancy to shame. Sounds like more hype? I can't help it, this game deserves it.

I've noticed over some time that a lotta people are crying over this movie. Fine, I'll admit you that this isn't the best movie for little kids or those of you who are easily offended by anything fun. There are moments in this that display how grossly commercial and mean-spirited the holidays have become. Growing up in the greedy-rich materialistic suburbs of Chicago, I see this side of humanity on a daily basis, and a movie like this can be a stark reminder of how cruel everyone has become. To some, this may seem like a parody of the holiday craze... I, as a child, had my arm broken by a crazed parent at a toy store during the Cabbage Patch craze. From this point of view, I find this movie to be a comical interpertation of a brutal ritual (much like a Mel Brooks movie). I think someone who has been on the frontlines, busted their back trying to satiate their greedy brain-washed offspring, and enjoys a cheap laugh at someone's expence would love this movie. Frankly, I don't think this is trying to be a no-brainer "tra-la-la-happy" movie, that'll put anyone over 4 to sleep... And yet, I would have no problem showing this to my own children, if I had any. I think if they saw how crazy and commercial the holidays have become, and they realize the pains that some people will take to please their family... they would have a greater appreciation for the fine parts of the holidays. Plus, this movie has good slapstick comedy and it's funny watching Arnold trying to portray an ordinary Joe! Jingle all the way!!

Rarely am I so aghast that I'm left unable to speak, and this movie was able to do it. Really, I'm left wondering if this was just the most ill-conceived idea for a video game-to-movie translation, or a brilliant work of evil. I understand the rigors of making a successful story out of a multi-character (with no absolute main 'star' character) game that has multiple plotlines and viewpoints... I understand how difficult it is to please fans of all the characters, by including as many as possible. But, brother, this is almost as bad as most of those old Hanna Barberra cartoons, like the Super Globetrotters or Galaxy Trio. All the famous Capcom characters (all of which ooze personality) are reduced to shallow bastardized versions of their former selves. They portray the menace and horrors of war with as much depth as a Three Stooges Short, only the Stooges have better fighting scenes. It's not that the cast doesn't have the skill, they were just too busy degrading their Capcom counterparts to do anything special.

But all of this adds to one hell of a jaw-dropping movie. It sucks so hard, you are forced to figure that it was intentional just to see how low they could go.

A french actor with an accent thicker than L.A. smog, portraying a clean-cut all-american soldier (who is, according to Capcom, actually a Major)? What's wrong, did Arnold Schwarzenegger ask for too much money?

There were many terrible cartoons on the air when I was young (I had no idea it was so long ago), and this is certainly one of the strangest. At first, I was disgusted and ashamed to be a human after viewing this tragedy, but then I realized that this is leaps and bounds better than some other Hanna Barberra Cartoons out at the time (such as Birdman, Space Ghost, The Three Musketeers, Johnny Quest, or Dynomutt). Frankly, compared to much of the complete garbage out at the time, Super Globetrotters was rather witty, even if it's not really an original cartoon. Maybe I'm dense, but weren't 3 of the 5 "super powers" just the same powers of 'The Impossibles' cartoon, also by HB? And what kind of super power is being able to hide things in a large afro haircut? Upon seeing this as a kid, I was amazed by it's sheer stupidity. But now after being able to compare it to the trash of it's era, it's not bad. At times I suspect that in it's development, the writers KNEW what a stupid concept it was, and ran with it tongue-in-cheek. Either that, or they should lay off of the drugs. It's like a train wreck... Everyone should see it, just so they can be brought back to earth. It's a sobering experience that will build character!

I have played SNK video games ever since Crystalis on the NES, and I have always been a fan on the fighting games on the Neo Geo system. Of all the games, Samurai Spirits/Samurai Shodown has always been one of my favorites of all time (just behind King of Fighters and Tekken). Besides stellar gameplay, wonderful atmosphere, and some of the best animation and art... The CHARACTERS were paramount! SNK's games all have such detailed characters, all with distinct personalities that make the game. The problem with this is, if a new artist doesn't understand the character the way the creator had intended, it's easy to mess things up. In Samurai Spirits, the anime, it's as if the writers hadn't even played the games. It's as if they saw drawing of the characters, and set out to reinvent the characters. Unfortunately this is about the same in another SNK series that became an animation, Art of Fighting. Because the characters weren't true, it just didn't work (though poor overall production didn't help). It wasn't subtle differences, but complete fabrications. Characters stories were completely re-written, and not for the better. The Samurai Spirits game series has a VERY deep and detailed plotline, well portrayed in the RPG on Sega Saturn or the official Manga, but this new plotline was fairly cookie cutter, and a bit odd. Not particularly bad, but just not true to the character. If you aren't a fanatic of the game, you shouldn't be bothered. It's not nearly as good as Ninja Scroll, Ninja Resurrection, or Dagger of Kamui but not a bad bargain movie. If you want a good video game-to-anime conversion, Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie, Street Fighter II V (series), Vampire/Darkstalkers, Sakura Wars, Sonic Anime (NOT the US cartoon), and Fatal Fury are all pretty good. Animations that doesn't do the game justice include: Battle Arena Toshinden, Art of Fighting, Samurai Shodown, and Panzer Dragoon (the game is a fabulous work of art, but the anime is fair at best).

Ever notice that the least-fit people to do a job, are many times the ones in charge? I would sooner trust Charles Manson to produce a cartoon for kids, than the people responsible for this train wreck. Retro-fanatics delude themselves. There are no excuses for something like this. Budget or technology limitations never stopped many endeavors which had thought behind these. Birdman and The Galaxy Trio is a tragedy. It's as if the most mentally void people in the world came together to make an action cartoon, or a bunch of criminal-geniuses went to great lengthes to make the WORST CARTOONS EVER. I pray for the latter. I have learned through experience that it takes a lot of work and thought to make something intentionally HORRIBLE. One has to think of every mistake, and every flaw that would annoy viewers. Birdman and the Galaxy Trio is so chock full of 'plot' holes (the plots of each episode could be summarized in about 4 words) and oversights. The animation was terrible, even compared to Space Ghost or The Herculoids. There were too many cheap liberties taken because of poor planning and writing. Unlike Super Globetrotters, The Gary Coleman Show, or Mr. T, this stupid animated series has no redeeming value. While the above are funny to watch because of it's campiness, Birdman and the Galaxy Trio should be avoided like the plague. Never have I seen an animated series that could make so many people LITERALLY ANGRY at how poor it is.