Reviews

Okay, I didn't serve, so I'm not going to pose like I know what Iraq was like and pull the "I was there!" card. I do, however, really like historic films in general. The attention to detail in the film was good, but then again you should expect this from someone the caliber of Clint Eastwood, so it's hardly surprising.

I'm not sure how much of the film was factual, but my issue was how silly a lot of the film was. He sees the bombings of the US Embassies in Africa (before 9/11) and THAT motivates him to give up his cowboy life and enlist as a SEAL? Really?? Can anybody else under The Sun relate to that? It just seemed ridiculous, 9/11 would have made more sense as his impetus.

Right when his wife calls him to say "It's a boy!" an intense battle breaks out? Wow, the insurgents must have know with their psychic powers that his guard was down!

Coincidentally meeting a maimed solider from his platoon in a mechanic shop in Podunk, Texas? Of all the luck!

There was only one line of Arabic subtitled THE ENTIRE FILM and there were many lines that seemed important to the plot point in the scene. This was just laziness on Eastwood's part.

Overall a well-made film with a few things that made me cringe. It does move fast for being just over two hours and covers a long span of time in Chris Kyle's life. I definitely prefer Zero Dark Thirty and The Hurt Locker over this, still.

*MINOR SPOILERS*

You know, if you aren't familiar with a genre or a character therein, do yourself and the rest of the civilized world a favor and DON'T WATCH THESE PARTICULAR FILMS! It really isn't as complicated as splitting atoms!

What film did you haters see? How about you misbegotten charlatans and frauds who are well-known "critics" that are just bitter you could never get a script of your own made into a feature? Because if you saw Conan, you should at least have a sprinkling of a grasp of Conan and his world and how the stories are fleshed out from the pulp novels of nearly a century ago and comic books from decades ago when fantasy and fiction COULD be told in the manner this film unravels.

"The mask angle was stupid!" "The sorcery angle was stupid!" "He's mean to females!" Yep, that's how the vibe for the stories has ALWAYS been, and Nispel clearly did his homework, but hey, feel free to complain over nonsense!

This one's cute, too: "Him and his father train with swords on ICE! What a rip-off of Batman Begins!!!" Yeah, and I'm sure no other film in human history had two people training on ice before Batman Begins came out just a handful of years ago, right? For example, no martial arts film from any country anywhere anytime, I'm sure! Sigh, Americans, that's all I'm going to say!

There's also "It looks like a made-for-TV movie!" No, it does not. At all. That's just a feeble attempt to try and further smear the film in much the same way the comment I mentioned in the previous paragraph is. It isn't based on anything factual and is the product of complete and utter cluelessness. People who say such unfounded foolishness are outright delusional, there's really no Option B about it.

To conclude, the characters/locations/scenarios are straight out of the Conan stories of yesteryear (again, something you should have probably wrapped your head around in advance before stepping one foot in the theater), it's perfectly paced, the action is literally nonstop, the costumes and set pieces are as good as any fantasy movie not associated with Tolkien, and it looks and sounds absolutely stunning. But hey, there's a vampire film also playing so the trendy teenager in you can rejoice and there's that apes movie that was about as exciting as watching water freeze and had the most wooden, annoying, and deadbeat characters of any film this summer yet you somehow vouch for it as "The best movie of the year!"

And ultimately, let's face facts; if it were to the letter the EXACT same film but Johnny Depp played Conan or it was directed by Peter Jackson or Quentin Tarantino, you'd eat it up, possibly more than once. Because that's how shallow and biased in advance filmgoing audiences have become. Pathetic! Much like that large contingency of people who indiscriminately watch any and all things anime simply because they come from Japan, but if they were exact same thing and the country of origin was say, Zimbabwe, they wouldn't touch it with a boomerang tied to a fire hose! Yep, admit it, your logic is preferential in exactly in the same manner!

I think people are forcing themselves to like it just because of who directed it, the token self-imposed brainwashing Middle American does unto itself to identify strongly with something. This is the "Wild West"? Could have fooled me! Only what, three people died total in the entire film? Yes, I know it's based on a book, and I don't care how many people died in that. I go to a WESTERN, I expect a Western! The Brothers could have at least give a few nods to Sergio Leone films to keep you from losing your mind!

Speaking of, the girl, EXCRUCIATING! It was like all of her lines were taken from a mix of fortune cookies and bumper stickers. I wanted to reach through the screen and pry her jaws apart just to not hear any more of her obnoxious metaphoric dialogue! Nonsense like "Ah reckon we'll find our objective tomorrow, horse!" Nobody talked like that then, I promise. Absolutely ridiculous and nerve-wracking!

Jeff Bridges played his role well and does delivery some funny lines, but other than that, it's about as exciting as watching freeze. I recommend a sedative beforehand, or a power drill to the skull.

Well, where to start? Iran. Ancient culture. Great people. Worst government on Earth. A society torn between Persian pride and Islamic martyrdom. Okay, so, the issue of stoning...

Nobody in their right mind can justify it for any reason, particularly on "moral" grounds. Immoral acts are human acts at the end of the day. People do what suits them and justify their actions however they choose. To judge and condemn is often like the pot calling the kettle blacker. Iran's illegitimate government unrecognized by the majority of its people (remember, these guys stole the country by feeding people lies and false hope and replacing a bad government with an even worse one.) who run a country on slogans, intimidation, and murder. The world will be much better when the Iranian people revolt again and actually do it right this time.

I would hesitate to call the film "propaganda" simply because the director and majority of cast members are Iranian. I seriously doubt any of them (especially someone as established as Shohreh Aghdashloo) would disgrace themselves by helping a film butchering their great culture. It attacks the government and their backwards way of thinking and functioning, not the people. One needs to understand, these guys take a splendid religion like Islam and tailor it to their own fancy, essentially propagating a bogus form of the religion that unfortunately taints in image in The West.

"Not Without My Daughter", now that's vile propaganda. Um there is no desert whatsoever surrounding Tehran's airport, but hey, I'm glad they wanted to show the nation as nothing but savages and primitives without any modernity. Where we the Iranian actors in that one (and why was the "bad guy" actor conveniently played by a Hispanic, hmmm?)? Oh wait, no self- respecting Iranian would touch that film with a boomerang!

Many, many years ago, this was supposed to have been a James Cameron and Arnold Schwarzenegger film. That evidently fizzled, and somebody though The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air would be good here (probably the same idiot that made him an action hero in the first place). It's not so much that it's Will Smith's fault the movie's just wasn't entertaining in the slightest, it's more like it isn't developed well enough and you neither care no empathize with his character. You almost find yourself rooting for the zombies, who look like they walked out of a Shrek film, the CGI is that horrible! How hard was it to put makeup on some actors and only use CGI for the stunt sequences?? Seriously, there's no need use a CGI character for a close-up of a zombie shrieking! You could have put plenty of New York's homeless in makeup and given them a great working opportunity, and it would have been much cheaper! The story doesn't develop; it's just ANOTHER "New York in peril" story like all the rest of them. For once, I actually find myself wishing a movie was longer so it could have been more fleshed out. Much as you can't just put Johnny Depp's face on an awful film and think everybody and anybody will like it just by default of his association with it, same goes for Will Smith!

Boring. Nothing happens. NOTHING! If you're a David Fincher martyr, you'll make yourself like it regardless. No amount of reviews will be able to sway your opinions. Over two and a half hours??? What was gained from that, other than making it dreadful to watch in one sitting? Hence, I broke it up into three nights at about 45 minutes a pop. It's really hard for it to hold your interest at all. Here's a helpful hint - watch it with subtitles on. The dialogue is also way too San Francisco local and the names of too many cities, lakes, streets, counties, and buildings are mentioned too fast and too often that it will make your head spin. Some cool fashions and set design to recreate the late 60's and 70's, that about the only merit this film had. Other than that, let's just say I'm glad I borrowed it from my neighbor instead of spending any hard earned money dragging through this!

I've seen a few reviews be negative or mediocre and say "it's been done before", but I'm sure these are the same people that give films like Superbad a 10 and say things like "OmG fuNnIeSt MoViE eVeR!". Well guys, a comedy about some underachieving Caucasian guys with bad haircuts trying to get laid has "been done before", to death, in fact. I can't even think about a comedy in the last several years that doesn't have this factor at the central core of it, except sometimes the protagonists are not Caucasians or they happen to be fictional athletes or celebrities yet still pursuing women provides a huge part (if not the only part) of the story. So it's funny how much hypocrisy can thrive on IMDb.

This movie is nothing new or shiny. Yes, it's "just another" revenge flick. But hey, they are fewer and far between in these so-called "sensitive times" of force-fed diversity, political correctness, and overall pussyfooting through life. It's a mean and insensitive film and it was a pleasure to watch. I ever read some subtle hints at class warfare in this. I will say that the shameless plug for Saw (you'll know it when you see it) was pretty silly, but Hollywood is as shameless as they come, after all. Sit back and enjoy. You won't leave the theater smarter, but a lot more satisfied that watching another boy-chases-girl happy ending comedy with cheap sex and bodily functions jokes that are a dime a dozen these days.

Wow, could a show possibly be on more borrowed time life support?? It's funny that SOOOOOO many people on here say that this film should have come out ten years ago, when it actually would have mattered and could have possibly been funny, because I was thinking the exact same thing! What does that tell you? People have too much emotional attachment to the show to admit that this film is awful. They mindrape themselves into thinking anything and everything with the Simpsons' faces plastered on it is good, much like female fans of Johnny Depp do. If the film was 90 minutes of the Simpsons sitting on the couch and blinking their eyes, they would say "oMg BeSt MoViE eVeR!". How pathetic! Yes, it's been said already many times, but I'm thinking it so I'm saying it; it is straight up a 90 minute episode of the godawful past 11 seasons. Cheap and forced jokes, bowel movement references, lots of obnoxious loud noises, and just plain lame, unfunny nonsense. Topical humor that will be outdated in a few short years, pointless celebrity cameos and references, and anything else catering to the modern pulse. Too bad the generation after us won't relate to any of the humor so that damns the film into not being timeless at all! Hmm, how many borrowed clichés from the show did we see? Marge threatening to leave Homer, Springfield on the brink of disaster, an angry mob, the Simpsons on the run, Homer falling in love with something not human, discord between Bart and Homer, Lisa falling for a boy... I doubt that's all! Desperation has replaced, dignity, guys. Force yourself to like this all you want, you're just embarrassing yourselves! Another poster referred to the type of people who put everything else on hold (like cutting their plans short) on Sundays to watch the horrible new episodes of the show as "Simpsons zombies". I'll take it a step further and say "Simpsons martyrs", as the word martyr is more jarring to Western culture with this so-called "war on terror". Seriously, why not martyr yourselves for a cause more worthwhile, like say stopping the clubbing of baby seals or the shoddiness of Jaguar since Ford took over?

All you die-hard fans who force yourselves to continue liking this misery should go and form Simpsonsbollah!

I'm going to start by saying that the main gripe I have with all three films is how EVERY SINGLE female in the films is extremely attractive, and how the camera loves showing close ups of them screaming in the most random and pointless ways. What, so if we don't live in New York, we don't have any prayer of knowing what hot women really are? Wow, guess our lives suck! Why are the female scientists conducting the experiment Sandman-to-be "stumbles" upon so hot? Give us a break already, you are trying way too hard Sam and it just makes you looks idiotic! Anyway, the film is way too long at 2 hours and 20 minutes for the ADD-laden and exhausted from being overworked and having too many children American audiences of nowadays, so they should have trimmed it by, oh, 45 minutes and saved themselves $100 million in budget anyway. The action sequences are way, way over the top and blindingly fast at times, thank the maker they just don't have the annoying "oontz-oontz-oontz" techno music of The Matrix films. Three villains in one films? Three words, Sam; BATMAN & ROBIN.

Sam just loves showing how "diverse" New York really is, I think these films have more Asians in them than any film made in an Asian country! Oh Sam, you're so cute for a Democrat! Please go sing in a Southern Baptist church with a faux accent like Hillary! Why did you make Peter emo, Sam, when he turned "dark"? Would you have done the same two years from now when emo inevitably crashes and burns like all other great American trends and nobody admits to adhering to it anymore? I doubt it! Boy, Harry Osborne sure can take a lot of beatings over and over again and not end up dead for a guy with no powers, just fancy equipment! Villains should be evil, Sam. Not guilt-ridden (you are a Democrat, aren't you!), not having any hidden agendas, not just "needing a chance". Make them detestable and ruthless instead of neo-hippies with muscles.

Speaking of, Topher Grace was a horrible choice. Sure, he's recognizable and I suppose attractive to females, but he's skinny. And too boyish. You needed someone with a bodybuilder physique and a bit more dynamic. You might have to look beyond Hollywood for this, but it's not impossible. They got more than enough massive Caucasian dudes to star in 300, for crying out loud! It's entertaining. It's long, has some absolutely deplorable dialogue (gee, here's Aunt May in another scene, what liberal parables will she dish out this time?), and is WAAAAAAAY too MTV-poppy like its predecessors, but hey, it's another film with a classic superhero. It's not Superman Reuturns bad, and it's not Batman Begins great. I'll put it smack-dab in the middle. 7 out of 10. I'm feeling charitable today.

It tries, oh lord how it tries! The 70's throwback aspect was great (David Hess is GOD!), the buckets of corn syrup and red food coloring were great, but that Fight Club b.s. with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre spoof towards the end killed it. What kind of cheap, slap in the face payoff is that?!? Is this film meant for the American teen horror crowd, or what? It ends just like ever other trite MTV-laden garbage plaguing us these days. And the poppiness of this film, with hype from, yes, MTV and the rest of the idiot Pied Pipers of the world just make you not want to like it that much more.

The 70's and 80's horror films died out for a reason. Let them rest peacefully, worship them for what they are, and move on.

2 out of 10, just to be charitable.