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Reviews
Ultima IX: Ascension (1999)
Good, but could have been much much better
Ultima IX is pretty much a controversial game, that's for certain. My view is that previous parts of the series have been able to push the RPG genre forward a great deal, each part being years and years ahead of the competition. Ultima IX, however, was not quite as influential: There has been, it seems, very little to invent by this time, and this game came out in 1999 and by 2002 The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind was killing it dead in almost every respect (except for NPCs, I suppose) - while the old Ultima games are still kings of the hill in their own ways. One could say Ultima IX invented 3D RPGs, but the rest of the gang trampled it, coming sneakily in from behind... It's only fitting that fans are currently remaking Ultima IX on Morrowind engine! Technically, the game is pretty good. Even in this post-Oblivion world, the graphics aren't quite offensive to the eye. The game world is technically pretty solid, though everyone would probably want a little bit bigger world. Okay, I'm not complaining much; they had some small technical constraints and didn't want to push too far, even when they undoubtedly were trying. This game could turn into much more huge and interesting game with some modern technology aboard...
I haven't played the game a whole lot (a quarter through at most), but I have to say the plot isn't really up to par compared to other games in the series. Also, people who have played the other parts of the series will probably cringe because the game contradicts the previous parts quite a lot, and some of the mistakes are pretty embarrassing. (Thank you kindly for your tight release schedule, Electronic Arts. Not!) Yet, even with these mistakes, it's still pretty brilliant compared to some of the competitors though. At least it still has its twists and turns.
So in end, we have a slightly flawed game that's not really as good as it's predecessors. But it's still one of the great highlights of the PC RPGs. If you add a few fan-made patches, you also get a better-working game and get rid of quite a ton of annoyances in the conversations (and an excuse to turn off the unmemorable voice acting...)
I can recommend this if you're looking for a decent enough RPG. Not the most brilliant I've played, but brilliant nevertheless. Also check out the previous parts (I recommend Ultima VI and both chapters of VII) if you want *really* good RPGs.
Doom (2005)
Better than could be guessed
Let me put it this way: This is a Typical Action Movie. Nothing really Earth... uh, Mars-shattering, for better or worse.
I still kind of liked it a lot. The story holds nicely together. The pacing is pretty decent. It's clearly a decent enough as a "turn your IQ knob to the zero and watch people kill some baddies" movie. I watched it through, saw monsters getting killed, and it didn't leave too many plot threads hanging in my mind. Must be good enough then.
As a Doom game movie, I give them extra points for incorporating game stuff pretty decently - not *extremely* faithfully, but still much better than what I expected from the news before. Definitely among the best video game movies I've seen. And whatever isn't there, the DVD extras almost make up for.
In summary, decent enough action movie, may be worth even buying. Definitely 8/10 and subtract 1 from that if you aren't a fan of the original games.
Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning (2005)
Fruitful ending to years of waiting
I heard of the Star Wreck project seemingly ages ago, and I've been a big fan of the previous home-movies in the series for years now. I have to say that I never had any doubts whether or not the first "real" movie project of the markers would succeed. I expected the best from them and would have been happy with even less perfect movie.
But now that the actual movie is here, watched, slapped on the DVD shelf, I just have to say that I'm extremely relieved. Star Wreck: ITP isn't just a good part of the Star Wreck series, but it also stands out on its own as a great sci-fi movie. Even without the humor, this would still be just as watchable as any big-budget sci-fi effect movie.
The only weak bit in my opinion was the beginning - not awful but only kind of somewhat passable. My only thoughts were "oh, wow, Samuli can now actually act a little bit". But as things started to happen in the movie, it quickly went to "okay, looks good" range. Then, Pirk's world conquest began. It went to "great stuff" range. Then we got to the space fleets, space battles, and I was just thinking, "man, *this* is what I subscribed for". Then we got to the riveting conclusion of all this space battle stuff, and I was just simply blown away. Though, I have to say that the end conclusion *as such* was a little bit of a letdown; I had hoped for a happier conclusion than Star Wreck V: Lost Contact had, but now, the actual end is *really* similar to SW5's end, just far less hopeful.
Overall, the movie is far darker than the previous parts, and there's quantitatively less humor here - but whatever humor there *was* did amuse me to no end. I was tossed between "that was funny" and "ooo, look at all that great sci-fi stuff", so either way, I was clearly enjoying myself. The humor is in same vein as the previous ones, nicely satirizing the exact parts I love about the "real" sci-fi series.
But anyway, the movie is near perfect, and it's *way* above anything else that so far has been produced by amateurs. This is definitely a landmark in amateur sci-fi movies. Heck, it's a landmark in *all* sci-fi movies.
Kyûketsuki hantâ D (1985)
Classic. Fruity classic.
If you're a lover of vampire movies *and* old, campy horror movies, do yourself a favor and *first* watch the newer movie in this series, "Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust". That is seriously one of the best vampire movies ever - animated or otherwise.
And then watch this movie. This is where the "old and campy" kicks in.
This animation is *just* like any old and campy horror movie. Let's forget the "anime" angle here; all cartoons made in 1980s and earlier look pretty much the same, regardless of country of origin.
Here, we have a classic horror movie plot, we have a classic horror movie hero, we have simply a... *classic horror movie*. By that, I mean it's not really that frightening anymore, but rather very, very *amusing*.
The only thing that jars is really the 1980s cartoon look, and the obvious fact that money has not been spent a lot (judging from the frequently repeated shots); but then again, "classic horror movies" should look cheap too. You'll probably appreciate this far more if you also see the newer movie, just to balance things. Together, these things are yin and yang of horror anime.
The Lord of the Rings (1978)
Good animation, not necessarily so good adaptation.
Bakshi's "The Lord of the Rings" was for a long time the only movie adaptation of the book - and that was a great shame. Mostly simply because it's so... abridged. Two hours long, and it covers most of Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers - hmm...
I remember seeing the animation a long time ago, and thought it was pretty awful. Now, after the Jackson trilogy and all, I finally found it again.
I have to say that I still hold my belief from those days: This is a great animation. I absolutely love the rotoscoping/live-action animation deal shown in the movie. It actually looks better than I imagined. Okay, some of the scenes were done with two-penny budget and are just painful, but at other times, this thing manages to be beautiful or just plain amazing, or even just stylish.
Yet, I'm a nitpicker here. If you want to see a good LotR movie, try the new trilogy. This isn't a good LotR movie. This is a very chaotic mess compared to them. Some of the deviations from the book are just flabbergasting. Dialogue gets weird. Some of the action scenes are just dumbfounding and corny.
But I still think it's a good *animation*. If you like awful movies, like I do, or just want to see something that definitely has style over substance, this isn't going to hurt you. Just grab something to eat and beware not to choke on it if you see something really funny. And every fan of the books should also see it, if not just for education, at least as an example of how *not* to do LotR movie adaptation.
I was going to hit this harder, but I don't have the heart, I sometimes just love a good "effect movie". 7/10 it is...
Raise the Titanic (1980)
Decent movie, but hard to watch these days
(Spoiler-marked just in case, though there aren't *big* spoilers here... perhaps some if you're absolutely unfamiliar with Titanic in general. Go see that huge Cameron movie. And then the National Geographic documentary - any of them. Preferrably the other way.)
"Raise the Titanic" is one of those movies that just hasn't aged well, but it was not really its own fault.
The biggest problem with Raise the Titanic is that there we have not only discovered Titanic's wreck by now, but we have also had time to study its condition properly. Not only that, but Titanic's present condition has become a widely known "popular science" topic. Everyone and their dog knows, more or less accurately, what happened that fateful night in 1912, and exactly how badly the oceans have treated the rusting piece of history since then.
So, the movie is *extremely* hard to watch these days. Everyone *knows* Titanic can't be raised. Everyone *knows* the wreck looks different in real life. So there's immediately a huge barrier of believability.
This movie's bad thing is that it relies *a lot* on the sense of wonder as the ship gets raised from the depths. It does the raising-the-Titanic very amazingly and interestingly. It's very easy to imagine the people in 1980 get very amazed indeed. But now... everyone will just think the whole thing looks very, very, very *wrong*.
With that amazement gone, there's little else to hold the interest up. There's Cold War plotting. Accidents. Espionage. Human relations drama. But none are done nowhere near as interestingly as the ship-raising thing. I'm a big fan of special effects movies in general, and this thing was extremely state-of-the-art for 1980, so I just can't let this go past without at least 8/10...
...I sure hope the book is better.
So my best advice is this: Just try, with all your might, forget everything you have ever learned of Titanic, except that it kind of sunk. It is very difficult to watch this movie otherwise.
Van Helsing (2004)
Mixed bag.
Well, let me first say that if you expect this to be a Great Movie, stay far away. If you like the old monster movies so much that you worship them, likewise, stay far away. If you just liked the old monster movies a lot, or just like these now-archetypal monsters, by all means, do watch it.
As a movie, Van Helsing has a hopelessly basic plot and some of the worst dialogs ever. So, we're by default not talking of a Great Movie. But if you go watching it expecting some campiness, usually predictable action movie humor, and especially these very very cool 3D effects... you'll like it. The movie looks impressive, sounds impressive, and (as a sort of fan of old classics and especially modern effect movies) I found it *satisfactory*.
So, in short: Turn brains off for a while and watch it, it's *very* good that way. There's a lot of epic and great stuff. Just don't go watching it expecting it to be a masterpiece of cinema, it just isn't. It's just a very very fun action movie. I liked it.
Fritz the Cat (1972)
"Underground" means "doesn't make any sense"?
First off, I'm not a big fan of Bakshi's animation style. For example, I was delighted to hear someone was making a proper version of The Lord of the Rings - Bakshi's animation was... shall we say... painful to watch, but I did have to admit even that had its brighter moments.
Fritz the Cat is supposed to be "underground". I'm fine with "underground" stuff, but this kinds of things suffer from just a small problem: Underground locations tend to have rather inadequate lighting, which often means people fumble there, and the result is something that's just plain awful to look at in broad daylight. The plot is a nonsensical collection of jokes that may or may not have been funny at the moment. The drawings must have looked really good in complete darkness, but not really so now. It seems to me that "underground" was interpreted as "hell, nobody will see this, it doesn't need to make any sense at all". Well, guess what, I walked into a music store in middle of nowhere and bought the DVD from the bargain bin. This stuff has a longer half-life than radioactive uranium, and it's probably all over the place in no time. All "underground" artists should remember this.
Also, there's the "adult" bit - another idea that probably sounded nice on the drawing board. It *could* work. It *could* have been interesting. Now? Yawwwn. A very non-interesting example in my opinion. They interpreted "adult" as "sex and violence". "Mature" isn't really the right world, since you could stretch that to also mean "mature movie construction", which this movie notably lacks. A shame, really.
And then there's the "1960s" angle. Yeah, need I say more? "1960s" was interpreted as "psychedelic". Combined with the "underground" bit, this probably means "doesn't need to make any sense at all, but wow, look at all those pretty colors".
In short: Bad movie that doesn't make *any* sense and isn't even funny when it intends to, trying to take everything out of its shock value. It was probably mildly interesting for, let's be generous, two days after its release, after which every animation guru on the planet had shown they could write better scripts over breakfast. It's not really a fun movie to watch even if you happen to like bad movies.
Pearl Harbor (2001)
*sigh* A huge disappointment
*MAY HAVE SOME SPOILERS!*
WWWWolf presents: Things that bug me.
Part 1: It's a Typical Hollywood Love Story(tm). I've seen zillions of these. One more won't be amazing me in a slightest bit. Producer: "Okay, we're making a Pearl Harbor movie." Screenwriter: "Okay..." (proceeds to put the "Pearl Harbor", "Two Guys Loving The Same Girl" and "Patriotic War Imagery" modules in the screenplay writing machine, turns the crank a few times, and the machine e-mails the screenplay directly to the director)
Part 2: How many clichés from recent war movies can you *possibly* fit in one movie? Epic dying moments, crankily humorous officers, etcetera etcetera... Not only is it a clichéd love story, it's *also* a clichéd var movie!
Part 3: It doesn't end where it should, specifically, after Pearl Harbor. Okay, so there's an American guy who goes a-flyin' and drops some Zeros when they're attacking. I can take that. But if you're going to make a movie about the most humiliating defeat USA has seen in a war, why oh why did they have to specifically continue from there, showing some weird morale-raising military manoeuvers after the whole thing? "Hey, we got kicked around, but see, we lost a battle but not the war! Aren't we cool?" ... They should have just ended the movie at Admiral Yamamoto's worries about US retaliation, like in that other movie (where even that scene was done far better!).
Part 4: I don't know - to me, it didn't *seem* like a WW2 movie. Especially the latter morale-raising part. Strip off the gear and make them a bit more modern, and presto, here we have a *modern* war/action movie. The whole thing seems like a modern action movie thinly disguised as a WW2 movie. Heck, it's a *run-of-the-mill* action movie disguised as a WW2 movie.
In conclusion, it bugged me, and there are a lot better movies in the genre.
Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes (2004)
Nothing amazing, but can't live without it
Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes is an excellent remake of the original Metal Gear Solid. (For the following, note that I have only played the PC version of MGS, which is almost identical to the Playstation version).
That said, I have to admit I haven't so far seen much in the game that had directly benefited from the polishing. The original game was slightly ugly, but not *too* ugly - acceptable. We live in the age where improvements in game graphics are starting to become less and less significant. The cutscenes are more impressive, of course, but again, you can't leap much higher from the original. Epic is epic. The voices have been rerecorded, which has had some benefits, namely that it has eliminated a couple of rather annoyingly badly delivered lines (a few seem to remain).
A little bit more of humor has been injected here and there, which is always good - hidden bits of humor are always fun to find.
The only thing where the game has really benefited from is the AI. The enemy soldiers have suddenly started to feel like the IQ 180 battle machines they're advertised as. Once the alarm rings, it's very tricky to stay out of trouble. (I wish, however, they had made the "game over if discovered" option available right from the start for all difficulty levels!) The boss fights, on the other hand, so far have seemed a whole lot easier! Also, the tranquiliser guns are a good addition.
One thing that bugs me is the lack of the VR training missions. Due to them, the PC version was good for both longer play sessions (the main game) and short time fun (the VR missions). As it is, sitting in front of the game is very likely to take approximately two hours out of our lives.
In summary, it is a great port of the game, it works wonderfully on GameCube, plays better than the original, has smarter enemies, slightly better graphics, good new guns and items - but yet, there's something in it that makes me to say "it's *just* a MGS remake, nothing more". It is, however, still a classic that I can't be without.
Ultima VII: The Black Gate (1992)
As good as they can possibly get
Ultima VII is, quite simply, the best computer role-playing game ever created. It is not without its minor flaws, but all things considered, it is still something that should always serve as a guidance. Let me put it this way: If you are designing a new CRPG, and don't steal something from U7, you're going to fail spectacularly.
The plot is unusual. Of course, there is this big bad evil thing that needs to be flattened, but most of the plot deals with this new, strange cult that has sprung up. Here we have a rather interesting look at groupthinking and collectivism. The minor bits of plot have everything for every gamer taste: Romance and true love, swordfights, dragons, gruesome murder mysteries, bananas, pirates, gambling, bread baking, mining, crossing the high seas, ghosts, geeks, humor in various forms, mysterious artifacts, flying carpets... the list goes on and on.
The game is extremely free-formed, which is a good thing. The player is free to explore every place in the world. The main plot doesn't really ask you to hurry to do anything special - except at the very end. The game world is beautiful. Even if the game is very old by now, the graphics are still rather amazing. The world also feels alive - animals going from bush to bush, monsters leaping around the dangerous places, and townsfolk scurrying around doing their usual daily things.
There are some small problems - most are fortunately fixed in Exult, the fan-made game engine rewrite. Installing the original game on modern computer is almost impossible, and it was tricky even on the era's computers. Also, the user interface is pretty challenging at times - Exult has some some very helpful hotkeys. It's sometimes pretty difficult to get hints on what to do next, but fortunately, there are no completely illogical puzzles.
It is one of the few games that truly fits the definition of Epic Adventure. It is a game that needs to be experienced - all other games seem quite pale in comparison.
Kohtalon kirja (2003)
Charming, even when that wasn't so sure
Okay, so it isn't the Epic Finnish Movie Spectacle of 2003. It isn't Art with capital A.
But who cares.
Judging all measurements, this movie should be a turkey. The whole idea is so patently ludicruous that This Movie Just Can't Be Good. Shameless mixing of genres, unexperienced moviemakers, and, good heavens, Tony Halme.
But surprise surpise - for some reason, this thing was watchable. *Very* watchable. Sure, it looks a bit cheesy here and there, might have needed some extra care at some times and places... but overall, the lasting impression I got was that This Isn't A Gigabuck Hollywood Movie But It Sure Looks Like One.
But then again, I like movies that knowingly play with cliches of the genre, or genres in this case. Running jokes rule. And obviously the makers have had fun, which has to count for something...
People seem to severely dislike the special effects - and I think this is unjustified, it's just amazing that they did it *this* good with *that* sort of money.
And the plot wasn't *that* bad. Honestly.
Cult classic material. Definitely.
As a movie: *** As a parody of Hollywood: *****
The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
Epic.
It had guys in mecha shooting stuff. And a scene of aerial kung fu in thunderstorm - kills most lame anime scenes *dead*. Heck, I'll give 10/10 for this stuff alone!
Now that we're done with the unpleasant scoring task, krhm, let's talk of the movie...
I immediately liked The Matrix. The Matrix Reloaded was somewhat weirder then - every time I watch it I have the feeling "man, this *sucked*," and after a hour or so, "gee, that was pretty deep, actually". The Matrix Revolutios, then, is more like this: When I got out of theatre, the first thought was "these battle scenes were EPIC!", 30 minutes later I was feeling "was it really that good? I don't think so!" and a hour later, "okay, I think it was pretty good."
I don't think it's as good as the first movie. The second and third movie *together* are pretty good, and actually pretty tolerable. Like Reloaded, there's good stuff and bad stuff and there's general uneasy feeling to the whole thing - and there are some scenes that could have benefited from some... abridging, without them losing their meaning entirely.
As mentioned, there's Epic Effect Stuff and Battle Scenes. No problem, the boys in the Industry can do that stuff well these days. As for how well this integrates with the Matrix stories, or how well it pulls its philosophical sled of rocks, I'm not going to comment, other than that I thought the conclusion was adequate - and I can see why some people are getting angered, because the previous movies subject to interpretation and conclusion may not be as easily interpreted. (I think people start to Debate(tm) soon. It will not necessarily be pleasant.) As such, it may not be everyone's favorite movie. I thought it worked though, and was an adequate end to the series.
The Mummy (1999)
Strangely interesting
Much to my surprise, I liked this movie a lot, mostly because it wasn't a movie that gave me weeks of nightmares. More like two nights.
In a way, it's more than the sum of its ingredients. The plot is simple and unoriginal (well, it's sort of a remake), the scenes cheesy, the presentation, casting, CGI and even humor is only slightly shiny.
Yet, it manages to be thrilling at times, the humor is actually somewhat funny, and it has that Old-Time Adventuring Spirit from Indy's days. It's a horror-action-comedy and it actually manages to do somewhat decently in all three sections. And it was actually watchable a couple of times.
All things considered, it was pretty good.
Neverwinter Nights (2002)
One of the best CRPGs ever made.
First, a helpful warning: Do NOT buy this game for the included game campaign. Instead, buy it for the amazing network play, customizability, the toolkit, and the community-created adventures and modifications, some of which are absolutely marvelous.
The included game campaign is far, FAR from perfect, but it still isn't nowhere near as horrible as most people think it is. It is average, has rather unamazing plotlines and - well - isn't quite as thrilling and polished as the Baldur's Gate series, or other respected CRPGs. There aren't too many really memorable scenes in it, and somewhat too many less interesting quests, but overall, it left a good taste. Not as good as the competition, but good anyway.
Yet, the community creations are already getting FAR more interesting than the included campaign, so there's not much to complain. And Bioware's later NWN releases - the Witch's Wake module and Shadows of Undrentide expansion - show also that the game isn't as worthless as the critics of the game say.
The game itself is graphically more than decent, the gameplay works wonderfully, and the included toolkit and netplay features definitely make it interesting enough. The game has great potential: The toolkit allows people to create their own adventures, which is always a good thing, especially since the toolkit is powerful, easy to use and well polished, not just a hacked-together pile of trash that was added as an afterthought. The only obstacle is that most complicated things require some programming skills, but this is being remedied (plot wizard in the newest patches, script wizard from the community).
I recently also got the expansion pack Shadows of Undrentide, which contains (based on cursory playing) a FAR better game campaign with some rather interesting ideas. If you haven't got this game already, get it along with the expansion. You won't regret it.
I heartily recommend this game to everyone who is tired of merely consuming entertainment and would also like to (at least try to) be creative. 10/10
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)
Worst movie? Heck, no.
I keep hearing Plan 9 would be the worst movie ever... which may have very well been true at some point, but during the decades after its release the competition for that title has increased quite a bit.
These days, there are plenty of genuinely horrible films, but this movie is at least watchable. At least the makers had tried their best within their budget, and it shows. Sure, plot could have been somewhat more interesting and most of the supposedly spooky stuff isn't really spooky, and the special effects aren't very special... but at least the movie is *watchable*. It definitely creaks from its seams but it ain't falling apart.
I'll give it 5/10 for a *very* good try and the unintentional hilarity. I enjoyed it as much as it was *possible* =)
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Different and same
I have to confess that when I first saw The Matrix Reloaded I felt cheated and annoyed. Then, I thought about the content a little bit. Then I almost got a headache. Ow.
Then again, I had the same feeling with 2001 Space Odyssey. I first thought it was garbage, the second time I saw it it felt far more interesting.
I was maybe just shocked because the movie is very different from the predecessor, yet it's more of the same. The Matrix *seemed* like a movie that was wholly self-contained. The sequel doesn't try to explain it, it just challenges it. There's pseudo-philosophical mumbojumbo that's different from the pseudo-philosophical mumbojumbo of the first movie - and it's presented in a different way. There's action and cool kung-fu that's different from action and cool kung-fu of the first movie.
I have to say that in the end I'm not disappointed - it's a movie with cool action stuff and things that make you think and spout gibberish about nature of universe and all that. Great material if you like smart movies, good stuff if you want action. It is not without its flaws: some scenes (*ahem*) could have been cut down. The music choices aren't as memorable as in the first part (though the incidental music is still as good).
It is, in my own humble opinion, a worthy continuation for The Matrix. It's just very *different* from what I expected. But surprise can be a good thing. And oh yes, I'm definitely waiting for the conclusion.
Reign of Fire (2002)
Decent, but wastes its potential
Reign of Fire *could* have been an excellent movie, but as it stands, it's only decent.
What we have here? An excellent, not quite often seen premise and overall not that bad idea, and excellent special effects to supplement that. And then they slap a boring, ordinary plot and bad logic on top of that. Oh dear.
The plot definitely could have been better - it really doesn't take that much brainwork to guess the ending. It starts nicely enough, no problem with that, but once the Great Plan to Rescue Everybody starts... sheesh. the latter half of the movie is very very ordinary. In the beginning, the transition to the opening to the main plot is rather sketchy and is probably the most potential-wasting part after the ending. Then there were some things about ecology and biology that didn't make too much sense. And Americans who didn't make whole lot of sense either, of course.
But even after all this stuff, I *still* thought the movie was neat enough. The movie was, even with its ordinary plot, surprisingly watchable. The bad parts didn't annoy me, they sometimes managed to amuse, which is always a good sign in my book... The setting is still fairly interesting.
If you're not expecting a great movie, it's definitely a good way to waste one and half hours. If you're expecting the sci-fi movie of the century, stay *far* away.
Wasn't sure whether this was 7/10 or 8/10. Settled for 7.5 and rounded that up just because I like dragon movies in general.
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
Entertainingly bad... honest.
I got the DVD from the bargain bin after hearing *so* much bad of the movie that I knew I had to see it... ...and I was *really* surprised. I actually liked the movie a lot. No, it's definitely *not* a good fantasy movie (uh, they released a lot better movie last year, all is not lost). It's definitely not a good Dungeons and Dragons movie. (Here's a tip for the Hollywood: Get Bioware for consultation - they already make D&D computer games the way they should be done.) It's not even a good movie - pretty detailed but cheesy 3D graphics, five-eurocent special effects and composition, and such, cliched plot and dialogue, and lots of over-acting... ...but it was *fun*. This movie is the very definition of "so bad that it's actually pretty good". Let the cliches fly! This movie is definitely not a Great Art Experience, and everyone who is looking for a good, serious, well made fantasy movie should stay FAR away from it... and let us who like to torture ourselves with bad movies to see it. And as far as torturing goes, this movie is not as annoying and unwatchable as movies that even *try* to be credible.
All right, thanks a lot for this turkey. Wholeheartedly recommended for the fans of bad movies. But please do tell me, when is the *real* D&D movie coming up?
Speedy Gonzales - noin 7 veljeksen poika (1970)
Notable western
This is one of the nicest movies where the genius of Finnish comedy, Spede Pasanen, appears.
The movie is very atypical for a Spede movie, because of the fact that it's a very quiet movie - much less speech than usual, more room for guns, explosions, fists and beat of hoofs. On the other hand, it's a very atypical Finnish movie, because a cold and dark country like this is not a very probable location for shooting a Western! Nevertheless, many Spede fans think Speedy Gonzales and Hirttämättömät are both movies that were, as though of afterwards, good ideas.
As a Western parody, it's a pretty funny one and even funnier than some "less serious" Westerns produced at our time and age. The movie pokes fun at many of the cliches of "Spaghetti Westerns". Yet, it's not the funniest of the Spede movies, but it still works wonderfully because the plot is more finished than in some of the earlier works - it might even be good enough for a *real* Western!
Overall, not a bad movie at all, well worth watching even today, and the jokes don't get old even after many watchings.
Now, if only they'd release it on DVD...
Antitrust (2001)
Somewhat less hokey bit flinging than the hype said...
AntiTrust had the honor of being the first movie I've ever rented on DVD - mostly because I never had the chance of seeing it in the theater. The fact that it wasn't in theaters here seems to tell something.
I had heard some very, very naughty words about the movie, so I decided I had to see it. I like turkeyish movies, especially computer-related ones.
Now, after seeing the movie, I have to say I was amazed. It was actually better than I expected! At least the makers had *tried* to get the technical details even some bit close to the real. Which isn't of course to say that everything was perfect, but it was better than usual in this sort of movies.
Well, the plot and the rest of the details - The movie kept me thrilled all the time, which was probably a sign that I didn't exactly waste my money on this rental. But as for the "content" or message - well, that could have been improved a bit. *All* usual conspiracies and things in the same movie - please, my good writers, when you next time want to make a "techno thriller", come up with something original...
The Matrix Revisited (2001)
Welcomed. And needed.
The Matrix was undoubtedly a hugely influential movie, and the DVD version is still probably the ultimate triumph of DVD format and best DVD I've ever owned (well, Fight Club is pretty cool, too).
Yet, after seeing the movie zillion times, I noted that while the extras on the DVD were good, a second special feature DVD might be needed.
And so, I'm thankful that they actually made a separate DVD with *only* the behind-the-scenes things!
It's interesting, and kind of ironic, that the movie could make me so interested about How They Made It. A movie that's about perceived reality makes me think of how this fictional movie about perceived reality was actually made.
But to the content: The two-hour documentary itself is very good, many interesting interviews, interesting pieces of information... and the supplementary clips about upcoming Animatrix and the remainder of the trilogy in the works are very interesting too.
If there's anything to complain about it, it would be that they're sold separately, and as such it has some air of Charging Money From Dumb Consumers. I hope this will also be sold as a two-DVD set (with the original movie) some day, if that's not already happening.
Swordfish (2001)
Failure...
Joel Silver has produced amazing movies. Let's see: "The Matrix" was a definitive philosophical action sci-fi movie, "Romeo Must Die" was a more than decent kung fu movie... ...and now he's producing, along other production people of the company, a truly ambitious project: Can this movie dethrone the 1995 movie "Hackers" as *the* turkey B-movie of techno-thrillers?
Unluckily, it doesn't. In this movie, they tried too hard to be *good*.
I heard of the movie some time ago and my immediate thoughts when seeing the poster was "God, this is the cheesiest slogan... ever. This thing is going to stink. Therefore, I have to see this." My today's trip to the movie theater was prophetic indeed: Row 6, Seat 6, and the movie started at 6 o'clock. When I was going there I noticed John Travolta's name on the poster. Ewwwww. Get the star of "Battlefield Earth" to the movie and hitting the rock bottom *is* a weekend seminar.
It was particularly ironic that Shear, Travolta's sinister character, starts the movie by talking how Hollywood movies suck because they have *no realism*. This particular movie, for example, does have serious holes in its realism.
Computers, programming and security intrusion in the movie have nothing whatsoever to do with reality. (In case you question my competence: I'm a computer geek. I know unrealistic computer-related scenario when I see one.) They sling technobabble around to make them look competent. In the beginning, the "Finnish" computer expert just mumbles something incomprehensible. (In case you question my competence: I ought to know my mother tongue.)
So far, so good. "Hackers" is threatened and scared to death. But they made serious mistakes and fell short...
The action scenes are more frequent and look pretty cool. "Hackers" had much less action. (Then again, the Movie Operating System things in Hackers looked vastly cooler than they did in this movie. But on that front, this movie wins because of more frequent use of technical-looking terms and numbers on weird places.) This Stanley cracker fellow, under pressure, slips something about cracking computer systems that *actually works in real life*. This destroys their attempt at dethroning Hackers. I reluctantly gave it a 4.
Ugh. I think I'm, after all this, glad Joel Silver could only contribute one bullet time effect to the movie...
Kiss of the Dragon (2001)
A Good Example Of An Action Movie
Wow. I love Jet Li's movies, and this one was, by sheer action scene value, definitely worth seeing.
I'd say this movie was a good - very good - example of an Action Movie. I say *an* Action Movie because the movie had a lot of action scenes combined in more or less logical way to produce an entertaining whole. If you want to make an Action Movie that has enough action and you don't want to bore your audience, see this movie and then work on that.
Yet, I'm not saying the movie was THE Action Movie. The plot wasn't too original, yet it was definitely "interesting enough". Somewhat clichéd, but I think they had picked up the right ones this time.
All in all, the movie was definitely entertaining enough if you want to see a good action movie - but if you want Great Action Movies that have lasting value, you know where to find them, and this is not it.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Enjoyable, Expensive Turkey
I must say I enjoyed this movie more than what I could expect. I had heard many, many crushing reviews of this movie, and that fact alone made me to go see this movie. Call me a pervert, but I like bad movies.
Anyway, I was surprised. A turkey that can fly like this is not your ordinary turkey - once again, by burning a lot of money they have managed to turn trash into a sparkling gem. In the computer game Nethack, though, this "gem" would probably be turn out to be a "worthless piece of blue glass"...
Simply put: It's stupid. It does have good ideas, enjoyable scenes, beautiful nature too, but... the plot is just stupid. Characters, uh, did these characters actually have any character? Not really, I guess.
It's a bad movie. But definitely worth watching, if you enjoy bad movies.