Change Your Image
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Reviews
A Fire in the Sky (1978)
Classic trash
Spawned from the disaster move craze of the 70's, with all the production and artistic values one would expect from a network dramatic production. So horrible I can never take my eyes off the screen.
Having grown up in Phoenix, the destruction scenes -- including a hilarious shot of the Hyatt rotating restaurant spinning off like a Frisbee -- are my particular favorite.
Electric Dreams (1984)
I really wanted that computer
Electric Dreams is one of those movies that wasn't very well-received when it first came out, but will probably come to be known as the movie that best captures the image and lifestyle of the 1980s. The tunes were catchy, the visuals were stunning, and the sweetly innocent story set among what then passed for modern technology were all very original movie items for the period.
And hey, I wanted a computer like that! I remember spending hours going through computer magazines to see if I could get a home automation setup like that. Some of it was possible, but quite expensive -- especially for a boy with a second-hand TI-99/4A (with Speech Synthesizer, of course) and no job.
Footloose (1984)
Harmless fun and lots of memories
'Footloose' is harmless fun that brings on a wave of nostalgia any time I see it on cable. I remember seeing this movie at the local multiplex when it was new, loving the music, and loving the rebellion in the film even more. What fourteen year old "under the thumb of oppressive authority (translation: be home by 11pm, young man!)" wouldn't love that stuff.
I remember that this was the soundtrack everyone had to have that year. And who didn't have "Almost Paradise" played at the school dance that year?
I remember reading articles in newspapers about the success of this movie. Some said it was a return to making musicals in Hollywood, perhaps overstating and/or misunderstanding the movie's appeal.
Of course, watching it now as an adult I can see that it isn't very realisitc, especially when one realizes that most of the issues in this movie would have been easily solved with one well-publicized lawsuit from the ACLU. But hey, I've always maintained that movies are built for entertainment purposes, which gives them the right to suspend reality for an hour or two!
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
I hope it becomes a holiday tradition!
Perhaps I liked this movie more than most because I've never particularly cared for Suess. It wasn't so much his verse that I had a problem with, but those headache-inducing illustrations that everyone seems to hail as groundbreaking. Even when I was the target age for these books, those images didn't inspire my imagination, they scared the hell out of me. Hmmm... perhaps that's a form of inspiration, but not a very fun one for a small child.
I never cared for the cartoon Grinch, either -- and why would I, when I didn't care for Suess? The movie, however, struck me in a certain way, a way that I can't say for certain I loved the movie, but I did find it mildly enjoyable. The sets and the costumes had just the right touch of outlandishness, picking up on the Suess vibe but without the nauseating effects found within the books.
Some things could have used improvement or outright deletion. When Cindy Lou Who decided to sing, off-key, about Christmas, I took the opportunity to hit the snack bar. We really could have done without that scene, Mr. Howard.
It seemed like there should have been more to the rivalry between Baranski's character and Shannon's character. The scene with the lighting machine gun was cute, but that's where the subplot ended. It would appear as if whatever else there was to this story was sliced from the film, save for this scene, because the director needed a mechanism to introduce a character that was a key to the conflict between the MayWho and the Grinch.
The movie attempts to lead the audience with timing gaps for when, it seems, we were supposed to laugh. It didn't work. There were quite a few laughs, but none for those uncomfortable pauses.
Despite all this, I managed to enjoy the film. It seems that everyone else who attended enjoyed this film, too. There were no bloody carcasses in the aisles, nor were there any weeping widows or orphans on hand to sob at reporters about what a tradgedy the whole affair was, the world did not end, civilization did not fall, and the price of milk did not go up -- things that, judging by the dramatic comments of my fellow IMDB-ers, can be blamed directly on this movie when it plays in other parts of this world.
I have a feeling that this film is destined to become a holiday classic and tradition. If the idea shocks, disgusts, and horrifies some of the people who have become a little too emotional over an adaptation of a children's story, then I can't think of anything I would like more.
Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)
A black hole
This film not only insulted the intelligence of its target market, I think it was actively sucking the IQ points out of anyone who looked directly at the screen. People left the theater looking very disoriented; some looked like they were trying to forget that they entered the theater in the first place. I have nothing against stupid movies, some of then can be quite fun. Whatever this was, it wasn't very fun or entertaining... and yet it wasn't bad enough for the category of garbage. Perhaps it ought to be sealed in a terrarium so it can continue to grow in a most, rich environment.
Mad About You (1992)
Mostly Annoying
Alternate titles for Mad About You: Married With Seinfeld, Thirtysomething Lite. Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser's characters whine their way through life in New York. All that whining and hand-wringing over everyday events was supposed to be funny? I guess I didn't get it.
200 Cigarettes (1999)
Whine, whine, whine!
200 Cigarettes is a movie that, as evidenced by the comments in this index, inaccessible to the average moviegoer. That doesn't make it a bad movie -- quite the contrary.
Most viewers, accustomed to the oversimplistic plots spoon-fed to them via prime time network television, simply do not have the capacity required to understand this film. Additionally, the current new group of moviegoer is under the mistaken impression that because something is being shown at the local multiplex before airing on cable, it must be Academy Award quality or it's just rot. What a tragedy it must be: unable to enjoy a mere party film!
If it is not beneath your abilities to enjoy a movie with more than two main characters, if you are capable of understanding multiple story lines, and if, above all else, you can distinguish between a historical epic and a mere good time, this is a movie you'll enjoy.
Never Say Never Again (1983)
Never Say Sequel Again?
Thankfully, the title of my post is merely playful wording. I think the fact that the 007 series has been able to carry on for at least another 17 years after this stinker was filmed is quite a testament to the enduring popularity of the Bond character.
It's quite ridiculous to complain about the lack of realism in any Bond film, but NSNA takes certain scenes and events to such absurd heights (lows?) that it becomes absolutely impossible to persuade its audience to willfully suspend disbelief.
The acting in this film... I can't really blame the actors. It seems as though the director was a stickler for making them recite their lines exactly as written, with no improvisation. Several times, I've caught the players looking more embarassed than anything else. That script was certainly a sow's ear and you know how that old saying goes.
Finally, there's that horrid opening song, which bears no relevance to the action score used for the rest of this film. Cheesy even by 1983 standards, that howling monstrosity with its saxophone solo is more suited to a low-budget porno flick.
Yet being a dedicated Bond fanatic (note: I could care less that this flick wasn't "pure Broccoli"), I still watch this if it happens to be the afternoon special on cable. Go figure!
Big Brother (2000)
Skip the show, go straight to the Internet
Sure, it's standard television exploitation, but sadly it isn't even very interesting exploitation -- at least not the half hour show that's aired on CBS every weeknight. Save yourself the bother: skip the broadcast edition and head straight for the Big Brother Web site, where four streaming video feeds are available around the clock -- no editing, no censoring. That's no guarantee you won't stumble across a lull that makes growing grass seem fascinating by comparison, but it's better than broadcast!
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)
Crude but fun
Sure it was rude, crude, and sometimes guilty of beating a joke
to a bloody and humorless pulp, but it was still fun!
The key to enjoying this movie (and most movies) is known as the
"willful suspension of disbelief" -- if you can accept the
absurd as a temporary reality for 90 minutes, perhaps you'll
enjoy this movie as w
The Joy Luck Club (1993)
Best quality!
That Joy Luck Club was ignored by the major awarding organizations is both a travesty and a compliment.
Travesty: the acting was superb. The story, thanks to the author's involvment in the screenwriting and production, stayed true to the novel it was based upon. The cinematography was divine. A lot of love and care went into the making of this film and its creators deserved recognition. That none was given should be considered a slap in the face.
Compliment: most of the award-winning films gain recognition for a moment, a specifc scene or shot or special effect. Well, Joy Luck Club doesn't have a single moment that those with the attention span of a gnat can fixate upon. From start to finish, this entire film is a "moment!" I guess what I'm trying to say is that this film is simply too good to be tarnished by some mainstream award.
It's the tale of rising above the sometimes cruel and unusual circumstances life and other people have dealt with you, a story of great joys, terrible sorrows, clashed cultures, the generational gap. It is the story of immigrants and citizens, family (and extended family) relationships. This movie has it all.
At nearly 2 1/2 hours, Joy Luck Club can barely tell its entire story. Indeed, some parts of the book just aren't there, like the story of the St. Clair family -- I would have loved to have seen that dysfunctional unit on screen. I have to wonder what the creators of this film were forced to leave on the cutting room floor.
Buy it, rent it, beg, borrow or steal this movie. You have to see it. Just be sure to bring a box of Kleenex along: you'll need it!
American Anthem (1986)
Destined to fail
I was an extra in this film, a face in the crowd for the competition scenes. Even then, it was clear that this film was destined to fail. For one thing, it filmed in Phoenix, a seemingly cursed location that didn't produce box office gold until films like Jerry Maguire and Waiting to Exhale came out.
Oh, and the plot was secondary. Remember those weird surfer movies of the 60's and 70's -- the ones whose primary aim was to show off waves, boards and bikinis? American Anthem was like that, but for gymnastics fans. American Anthem might have started an interesting genre had it proved popular.
The set designers were quite the artists. The competition scenes were shot in the bowels of a 60 year old abandoned high school auditorium in downtown Phoenix. This building was literally falling down during production. The fact that they were able to mask this ancient hazard (and that no one was killed during filming) was quite an accomplishment.
Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)
Best Star Trek Movie Yet!
For some reason, the best Star Trek films are the ones its niche audience -- the "trekkIEs" -- hate with a passion. I call this the Linux Syndrome, in which newcomers to that operating system are looked upon with scorn by the original OS adherents. Some people just can't bear to have their little indulgence understood by the rest of the world.
If you get a chance to see this movie, make sure you don't have any trekkie-types in the audience. Experience proves that they'll simply whine about how horrible this movie is, so do 'em a favor and send them home before this assault to their senses starts playing.
Insurrection is easily the most comfortable of all the Trek movies ever made. The characters are believable -- human (or non-human, as the case may be) beings with real emotions, instead of the stereotypical one-dimensional space jockey characters this franchise usually presents.
It's a Star Trek movie that everyone can enjoy -- well, almost everyone!
Hellraiser (1987)
Looking for art in all the wrong places...
Horror movies are designed to be awful. These films rarely have any award goals in mind -- they're churned out by studios and carried by distributors because there's money to be made in scaring the pants off people. To critique such a movie on plot or acting does about as much good as complaining to McDonald's that there are no bananas on your hamburger. In other words, the product was never designed to support that feature.
Some horror movies are less awful than others, and Hellraiser fits into this category. By virtue of being written and directed by the prolific horror/fantasy novelist Clive Barker, this is as close to a thinking man's horror flick as the genre will probably ever venture. This means there's a plot -- there's a reason that things go "bump" in the night of Hellraiser, and unless you're paying attention to more than the blood and gore, it won't make any sense at all.
You'll have to see the movie yourself to figure it out. It's not rocket science. Ultimately, you'll learn (a) don't cheat on your husband and (b) just because it looks like a Rubik's cube doesn't mean that it is a Rubik's cube, so don't touch.