cappados's Reviews

From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter (1999 Video)

8/10

All in all, quite an impressive piece of work.

15 March 2007

After seeing the PATHETIC From Dusk Til Dawn 2, wasn't expecting much , but I was pleasantly surprised. I won't spoil the movie for anyone but this story (which is actually the prequel to the excellent original From Dusk Til Dawn) is well written and well directed. Great production values, very interesting characters, decent plot, ASTONISHING action sequences.

And WHAT A CAST! Michael Parks is amazing as Ambrose Bierce, Temura Morrison is terrifying as the Hangman--and then you've got Marco Leonardi, Sonya Braga, Rebecca Gayheart, and Orlando Jones! All in all, quite an impressive piece of work.

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Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny (2006)

1/10

That was amAZing... ly bad.

2 December 2006

Simply put, this film SUCKS harder than anything I've seen and is lamer and more pathetic than anything Michael Jackson, Carrot Top, and Gallagher together could produce. It tells the story of the D(icks) before we came to know them, setting up intriguing histories of Kage and Jables' upbringings, their comings together, and how they were inspired to write songs about such things as Lee, Sasquatch, and Dio. Most importantly, the increasingly obese, never funny, and awesomely mediocre Kevin Smith never appears in the film.

Fat Black's amphetamine fueled antics wear thin fast, and the high-school-play level writing doesn't help. "The Pick of Destiny" was so terrible that I have no qualms telling everyone to save your money. Last week we saw "Borat"--TEN TIMES BETTER. For anyone who truly loves their brain, STAY AWAY!!!!

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Earthquake (1974)

1/10

Hilariously Awful!

30 November 2006

From the casting to the laughable special effects (which won an Oscar!!!) to the awful dialogue to the stunningly bad acting to the sickeningly inappropriate music, this movie is a riot. The camera-work and lighting are amateurish, the fx make up is goofy... what can you say that would take up the required ten lines, way too long for most of the blowhards on this site? Every bad cliché, from the little boy lost to the cartoonish drunk who is so hammered he doesn't even notice the earthquake is taking place is on display here. It boggles the mind that this film gets a 5.6 on IMDb--are you people smoking crack??? This movie is a boil on the fanny of cinema--a painful, bloated, festering joke.

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The Core (2003)

1/10

Possibly the Worst Film Ever Made

5 April 2005

Warning: Spoilers

Written by people who must have failed all of their high school science classes, directed by someone who must have never seen a computer actually function, this film is jam packed with the most tired clichés of filmdom. The acting is abominable--and by actors who are very talented. Shot almost entirely in television style close ups, this film is an insult to intelligence. It all starts with an awful script--it really seems like someone just recorded a bunch of twelve year olds playing "rocket ship" together--"whoah, someone diverted our energy! where's it gone?"(actual line!)--transcribed it, and decided to spend one hundred million dollars on it.

No reason to write a spoiler, you've seen it all before a hundred times, mostly on television.

Basically, if Ed Wood was given a gigantic budget, this is what he would've made.

It just goes to show that in the words of Miles Davis, "you can't polish a turd."

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The Brave (1997)

1/10

Unbearably amateurish melodrama

11 March 2005

The tone veers wildly between lame attempts at precious comedy ala Depp's hero Emir Kusturica, and cheesy melodrama. The script is silly film school dreck, the "acting" over the top. Depp, long hair hanging in his eyes like he's some sex goddess, tries too hard to be cool in this torturous exercise. The editing seems non existent, as the thing is impossibly long at 2 plus hours: shot after shot of nothing at all happening is broken up by self consciously goofy cutesy moments. The long drawn out ending goes on forever, with schmaltzy music dripping "sadness" all over it.

This can only be compared to Jerry Lewis' 'THE DAY THE CLOWN CRIED."

Good thing it's never been released--it's awful.

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