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Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
Looks good, that's it.
The nice thing about this movie is the look. You can tell it was directed by a cinematographer because the images are slick and moody. But man, the movie is plotted like a lead hammer, the story goes nowhere, just around and around until you are board to tears. The film just isn't scary, or suspenseful, or involving. The movie just feels like it doesn't know how to get started, doesn't know how to build any details, everything stated is tossed out in the next scene, so you never feel like the story is moving forward.
I liked some of the actors, and hey, Ashley Lawrence is the bomb, but she is underused, barely in the movie, and the lead is emotionless, uninteresting, and as bored as we are. Pinhead shows up, for a second, but just to say hi.
Do yourself a favor and just rent Feardotom.
Hellraiser: Inferno (2000)
Beats Bloodline
The fifth Hellraiser film is one fun ride. After suffering through part four I was hesitant to rent this one. When it came out, all the little fan boys out there hollered about how bad it was, how Pinhead only showed up for a few seconds, how it was a betrayal of the series. Well, betrayal or not, I thought this was a great movie with suspence, cleaver visuals, and a good sense of mystery and pacing. Every scene built on the previous and kept the plot moving. Crag Shaffer was very good in this, playing an unlikable antihero that was a refreshing change from the standard boring white hat that we are usually saddled with in movies. The best parts in this one are the trippy visuals and watching Crag slowly lose all control and composure and eventually loose it. This really feels like you are watching the absolute worst day this scumbag has ever had, and that is very entertaining. So what if Pinhead isn't in it that much, the rest of it holds up well, and if you watch the first Hellraiser, he is hardly in that one as well. What do the fan boys want; more like part four? No thank you. I give props to the filmmakers for having the guts to steer the series away from Freddy land and back into a somewhat Barker universe.
Warlock III: The End of Innocence (1999)
Stylish, yet boring.
It's hard to keep a movie interesting for 90 minutes, especially when you fill it with stock characters and an episodic plot that goes nowhere but in circles.
I was really hyped for this movie when it began. The cinematography, acting and editing was above the standard direct to video tripe that's out there. I thought that someone actually cared enough to try and make Warlock 3 a good movie, and I felt relieved in knowing that the next hour and a half would be an entertaining one.
And it is for the first 35 minutes, as we see our heroine arrive at a spooky old house that she has inherited. That night, weird voices drift through the hallways, freaking her out until she tries to flee the house.
Her friends all show up and convince her to stay, and after this point the movie becomes just another ten little Indians. Kill and repeat. The maniac this time is a Warlock that kills people with magic. The victims are the slut, the basket case, the goth dude, the pothead, and the bland boyfriend guy. We learn nothing about them, they're tissue thin, and as they are killed off, the plot just runs around in circles until the inevitable conflict between heroine and Warlock. Yawn.
There is a nice psychological aspect involving the friends having to give the Warlock permission to kill the lead, I liked that. But still I became restless after the stylish and atmospheric opening.
It is of note that Ashley Lawrence plays the lead. The Hellraiser girl has grown into a fine naturalistic actress and is too good for this movie. Bruce Payne is back, and I normally dislike him, but this time he had a sinister charisma that worked well for the character.
I must say that I did enjoy this one more then part two, but only marginally so. While part two was a total goof, this one tried to build suspense, and did until dissolving into slasher formula, and ended in an insulting manor, complete with magic daggers and a porcelain doll that scares our Warlock out of his wits. What kind of evil being is afraid of a doll, even if it's a magic doll, it doesn't play well in a movie. The ending lacks all the style and craftsmanship of the first half of the movie.
I commend the Warlock series for always having flashier visuals then your typical horror flick, but with exception of the original which was fast, funny, and intelligent, the sequels have all been handicapped with screenplays that wallow in beaten to death clichés and hollow characterizations.
Warlock: The Armageddon (1993)
Slick, yet oh so painful.
Let us now take a journey back in time, all the way to the early nineties.
In the early nineties, we saw the proliferation of bad CG effects showing up ad nauseum in every freaking film that came out. Gone where the rubber reality movies from the eighties, we now had wacky morphing shots and lame digital back drops in every other movie. Good bye `Videodrome', hello `Lawnmower Man'.
`Warlock 2', (also gone were the roman numerals after the sequel's title, because whoa the shame of being a crappy part two) has these really bad CG effects that used to look so amazing and fresh when you where a teenager raised on rubber, but now, man oh man are they dated and corny. Personal favorite CG moment: the morph into art sculpture. Hilarious.
There are also some early nineties keystones. For one thing this is a Trimark film, and Trimark really produced some bad movies back in the day. `Death Wish V' was garbage, as was `Leprechaun: Episode 1'. Also notice the lead wearing flannel in the middle of summer in southern California. Yes, people did that, I did that.
This reminds me of why "Scream" took off as it did. From '88 on all we had where campy "Nightmare on Elm Street" rip offs that had no horror or suspense and only offered hokey effects and surreal death scenes. `Scream' at least put things back into a reality teens could identify, and didn't bog the plot down with pointless mumbo-jumbo.
I can say this about the film. Anthony Hickox is a slick director that is better then his movies allow him to be. He makes interesting choices with camera movement and performances. I love his style, very polished. Most of his movies suffer from the lazy scripts he's handcuffed with. You can only paint a turd so much, and Hickox is a great painter, but this script is so bad, he can't razzle dazzle his way above it. It sinks his ship as he shoots off fireworks.
I give this movie at east 2 out of 10 for Anthony's kinetic style, but the rest of it is a laughable bore. Sands is not scary, the hero is a wimp that does nothing but complain, the girlfriend is too old for him, and the druid angle did nothing but pad the action out with some half baked plot conveniences.
Besides the above, I can't recommend this movie because it has a magic dagger in it, and once you put that in your movie, all is lost. Never put a magic dagger in your film. Bad Bad Bad.
FHTEVL
May (2002)
Miss Trauma 2002
THE GIST. Weird little girl can't make no friends, goes nutz, and kills people.
THE GOOD. Angela Bettis and Jeremy Sisto performed very well together, great chemistry.
A clever screenplay that lets you get a sense of the characters before anyone dies. The film is a character study first, a horror film second. The dialogue sounds natural, yet movie cool.
Great SFX, convincing and gruesome.
A nice understated shooting style, the camera sits back and allows the actors to do all the work.
A great color palate runs through out the film, giving the film a cartoonist feel.
The ending, detailing May's massacre of all those that let her down is quietly horrifying, nauseating, and squirm inducing.
THE BAD. The horror elements didn't work as well as the straight drama elements. The best scenes are of May's isolation and desperation for friendship.
Anna Farris was too broad in her performance, campy even, while the others seemed more realistic. It was a fun performance, but didn't fit in with the others.
The resolution was thematically sound, but also weak and rushed. The story's heavy emphasis on character couldn't be properly resolved with a shocker theater ending.
THE END. It's such a beautiful film with such interesting characters, performances and colorful details that it's easy to forgive the last minute foibles into traditional horror fare.
The Greenskeeper (2002)
SPRINKLER SCENE = FUNNY!
What saves this film is that the tone is just right, funny and laidback and tongue in cheek. No cure for cancer, just a groovy goodtime.
The actors are all comfortable in front of the camera, especially the lead actor, who just strolls through his scenes with a been there done that attitude that is a refreshing change from the furrowed brow method that passes for acting these days.
The screenplay is funny and lean, bad dialogue is not a detriment here.
The SFX are of the pump blood from under the weapon variety, but some are very creative and funny. Their unrealistic quality adds to the film's charm.
All the bad points of this film work for it in the long run. The inane conclusion to the inane plot fits because the filmmakers knew that they were making a spoof.
The film did seem very static and some scenes meandered to pad the film out, but this is common in a low budget movie.
The trailer is misleading however. John Rocker fans will be disappointed when they find that he is only in the movie for five minutes. The filmmakers acknowledge this in the screenplay; it is part of the joke so I can call no foul on it.
Overall, a fine horror spoof of the slasher films I grew up with, with a refreshing choice for lead actor, interesting kills, and a laid back feel that makes it easy to like.
Vicious (2003)
MONSTER MAYHEM!!!
Holy Rabid Land Shark! This flick rocks! The first good horror film I've seen since The Sadist, and that was a good fifty horror films ago. I am a junkie for this sort of film, and my appetite is insatiable. I will watch horror flick after horror flick, indiscriminate of plot, budget, cast, or credentials, just to get my fix. I've seen many a bad, bad, BAD horror film, but I tally forth in the hope of finding that really cool one to tell my friends about.
And finally, after a long dry spell I have found one that is pretty darn entertaining. Sort of Friday the 13th meets Jaws meets Army Thriller of the Week, this monster flick has a lot going for it. For one thing, you got Tom Savini as a wild-eyed mad scientist, and he's his groovy charismatic Savini self in this. We also get the one and only Bill "CHOP-TOP" Moseley as a simmering military guy (only a cameo), and the red headed inbreed kid from Pumpkin Head is the film's hero! We get to see Tom Savini beat up Pumpkin Head Boy! All right!
The plot isn't very original (forest monster eats people), but while most film's of this type wallow in unnecessary subplots (Monopoly in Friday 13th anyone?) keeping the horror in the background, this one sticks to the point, has some pretty good action, and ACTUALLY SHOWS THE MONSTER!! How many films have I seen where it's supposed to be about a monster eating people, but nothing happens, in this film, HORRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN!, people are munched and mauled and the gore flies, leaving the Gore Hound in you feeling satisfied. And dare I say, it has some suspense to boot, dare i say it? I DARE SAY IT! what more can you ask for in this type of film! Blood and death and unnerving coolness.
Rent this flick! a great B-MOVIE MONSTER MASH to enjoy with friends and flick brews.
FIGHT EVIL!
Crocodile (2000)
EAT THEM!!!!
The crocodile was the only sympathetic character in the movie. All the humans were so annoying that I couldn't wait for them to be eaten. I guess that's the point.
The lead female was alright, but she wasn't too bright, first of all dating a retarded jock-boy with zero personality and second of all insisting on lugging her backpack all over the forest while being chased by the crocodile. She never takes it off! It's not like she has diamonds in the thing. It's just toiletries! Loose them and you might be able to run faster, swim faster, and maneuver better.
But she can't take it off because then the crocodile would leave them alone. See, one of the annoying kids hid a croc egg in it under her toothpaste, so that's why it's after her. The whole plot hinges on her NOT TAKING OFF THE BACK PACK!!! Groan.
The giant crocodile effects are neat, but not very convincing. The 50 foot croc can sneak up behind people, and that's kind-a dumb.
Tobe Hooper riffs on Texas Chain Saw with some bumpkin characters and an invalid that no one wants to wheel around, but it's told with none of the pizzaz of that film or his better work. It was probably a cheap and quick shoot without much time to do anything really interesting. Not Tobe's shinning moment, but definitely not his worst.
I do not recommend you seeing this unless you just have to see everything with Tobe Hooper's name on it. But I warn you, this is not demonstrative of his talents.
Species II (1998)
Go for the Gore!
There is no other reason to watch this film unless you are a fan of Steve Johnson's special make up effects. This movie is a great show case for his talents, all the slime and Karo blood one could ask for in a movie.
Nothing else to really recommend this one for, other then Natasha Henstridge who kicks some butt, gets shot full of lead by a small battalion of M-16 wielding goons, and jumps back up and continues with her butt kicking marathon. That's a fun scene.
Also, the big bull monster at the end is neat. But just ignore the goof ball movie surrounding it. And the way it's defeated! LAME-O!!!
But, all in all, better then the first.
Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993)
better then reputation
It's well known in horror circles that the sequel to Pumpkinhead is one of the all time worst sequels ever made. I rented it with this in mind and braced myself for something horrible. I was surprised that the movie DID! have some entertaining value.
I guess if you thought the first Pumpkinhead was awesome, this movie would be a let down. The original does have a following, but I always thought it was just sort of standard, and the sequel is the same. Not horrible, just so-so.
Pumpkinhead is a cool monster, the scariest thing about him are those giant hands that can wrap around your head and crush your skull. Since this movie shows that happen, I wasn't disappointed. Low standards, sure, but what makes a Pumpkinhead movie for me is giant hands crushing heads, I got that, I was happy.
Plus, this is apart of the Ami Dolenz horror movie library that includes Witchboard 2 and Ticks. So if your a fan of that subgenre like I'm not, you should check this out just for completionist purposes.
All and all, pretty darn bad, but some fun and retarded things to keep you entertained. Loved the wires moving Pumpkinhead's arms around during the climax. Them wire's cool!
Cherry Falls (1999)
You gotta see it!
This movie rocks. I loved every second of it. Very scary and funny, with some great performances and a clever script. The killer is a great addition to the scream psycho pantheon. Britany Murphy is very good in this, as is Jay More and Candy Clarke. The movie is well paced and never boring. There is gore for the hounds, sex for the horns, and some cool twists along the way. The story is much more interesting then typical slasher fare, and would have played well to a theatrical audience. They should have sent it out instead of dumping it on video.
I highly recommend this as the best in the post Scream neo slashers of the 1990's.
The Dentist 2 (1998)
fast-forward!
Though it takes forever to get rolling, this flick really comes alive in the last 30 minutes. Better then the first one, though that's not saying much, it really riffs on what makes dentists so disturbing, namely the needles and hooks they stick in your mouth and wiggle around.
The film takes forever to get there though. The first hour is just filler, the slow build to the doctor's complete breakdown. A little dental craziness, but mostly basic horror stuff.
But once he looses it, watch out! The prolonged torture scene is very disturbing and very gross. If you have any fear of dentists, this scene will get to you. It is a bit on the mean spirited side, but the film is so goofy that it's hard to get offended.
There are also a lot of great "crazy guy freaking out" scenes, as the dentist looses his touch with reality, and the open ending is really funny and weird.
Recommended, as long as you skip the first hour and get to the good stuff.
Bulworth (1998)
Bulworthless
I just finished watching this over-hyped pile of pretentious garbage. Where to begin?...
For one thing, I hate movies that stuff political messages down my throat and preach to me. Even if I sometimes agree with the message, there are more subtle and elegant ways to convey the point then spoon feeding it to me like I'm an idiot. This movie just went on and on about how America is falling apart and run by big uncaring corporations that tell the government what to do. Well, duh. Did anyone not already know this?
And what self respecting, intelligent person would follow such a clown as Bulworth? Give me a break. So Warren Beatty dresses like a gangsta rappa and all of a sudden the entire black population stands up behind him in support? WHAT!?
So, because of Bulworth's rapping loud mouth, everything falls into place and is so perfect and happy and the world is going to be all okay? Sure. Whatever. Life isn't that simple.
The movie is boring, long, and devoid of believable characters or situations. I recommend Tim Robbin's movie Bob Roberts if you'd like a political satire that is actually funny and not just insulting.