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Jeroboam
Reviews
The Restaurant (2003)
Seems real enough to me.
Given I have never opened a restaurant, nor have I led the kitchen of one. But I have seen both in action and worked along side the action. The latest in the barrage of reality drivel, NBC throws one out that makes sense and keeps you interested. Not relying as much on melodramatic cat fights and pitting cast against one another.
What confrontations were shown (and they showed really only two hints of some)were realistic if not too familiar to anyone who works in the industry.
Paced and timed well with enough sensationalism and editing that it will gather all sorts of audience, not just the ones on the inside.
Hannibal (2001)
Hmm got to say I saw it..
Other than that. It is hardly worth noting. I will say though that it is not Silence of the Lambs. I did not expect it to be. Moore plays a rather safe rendition of Starling,it is safe to say it is a decent portrayal of how she may have evolved after 10 years of being "the famous FBI agent that worked with Hannibal the Cannibal"
I will also acknowledge that Hopkins does well reprising a classic role. Oh sure there were some things he did that we may find rather barbaric for a man as refined as Lector, but then we never saw him among the public until now, and one must do some grisly things to get on 10 most wanted.
Yeah some of the gore was very typical for today. The recent "pushing the envelope" trend in film content has lost it's luster, now it is coming off as irresponsible and reckless. So I can shrug this one off as something I saw in a series and will forget about it.
Valentine (2001)
One of those uneventful moments in movie going
Why even expect anything out of this movie other than what has been delivered to us for the last 20+ years of themed slasher movies. I didn't hate it, it was free, and I just liked seeing what they would pull off next. It is a harmless horror movie with little scare factor, barely any gore (in relative slasher terms) and really just walks on by with little notice. There is an audience out there that will embrace this movie and embrace it whole. It will top the box office for a spell, and it will make money and there will be sequels. It did it's job. Move along now, nothing more to see here.
Dracula 2000 (2000)
Choppy but adequate for what one expects
Well, I went to this with a few thoughts in my head...
1. Horror is dead. 2. The concept of Dracula really hasn't been mastered since Stoker first penned the novel. Well ok, Nosferatu, (not the horrible 1979 remake) was great but Bram Stoker's widow had something to say about that whole deal. But in all it was fun to watch. Vampires are neat, they bite, they float, they turn into things. It simply was a pleasant movie watch. Editing was a bit scattered, and some of the slower points were just that.. slow. And some of the lesser characters were so insignifigant one forgot they were there until they popped up all of the sudden. "Oh THAT guy? He's still in the movie?"
Some nice twists,especially Drac's origins and motives, and some good homages to the previous films' imageries and tell tale signatures. So if I had to see it again I'd make sure it was some bored evening and someone happen to bring it by. Which won't be too long from now, they plan to release it on video/DVD in a mere month from now. Go see it if you like Vampire movies, just give it some grace and you'll come out saying "that was ok" and go have coffee afterwards with friends and discuss whether it was as good as you wanted it to be.
Lost Souls (2000)
Yet another one that convinces me there are NO good post-1970s horror movies!
Well.. Wynona looked nice. She has found a nice hair color and doesn't look all gaunt and scrawny as she has in the past. Otherwise, a so-so movie that was about to pass in my own personal opinion as a "fair movie for the Halloween season" got considerably crappier and crappier as it progressed.
Ya know, even the thin story and the cliche aspects of devil vs the Church would have been forgiven but... well the end. The end is just awful. Some will say "It was sooo unexpected!" No it wasn't. Or "You really have to think!" Nope. You really don't. It was a weak attempt at fancy unique film making. I was convinced that a decent storyline was laid out in the beginning and en route to the studio 3/4 of the script got lost in a wind storm so they wrote something up to replace it.
My friend and I noticed the complete and simultaneous exhale of "your kidding." from the audience when the ending credits came up. I tried to forgive the movie, but couldn't. I will give it enough to say it was better than Bless the Child.
Hollow Man (2000)
IT HAS A MONKEY!
Ok maybe a gorilla, but still. If for no other reason, go see it to see a gorilla come back from being invisible. Otherwise avoid this blah film. Verhoven is the king of hit and miss. This one is a miss. Fragmented, incomplete, and predictable it targets really no one. I left bored.
Bless the Child (2000)
*puts eyes back in after clawing them out* SPOILERS
Have you ever walked in mud? Like a bog or swampy area at a creek? You know you have to get across or at least out, but you are hindered, slowed, uncomfortable, and frustrated. I sat in a theater and experienced such sensations. What WAS THAT? I mean there I was thinking to self, "ah well it will be a fun trippy romp" It was hardly a bland, mediocre stroll. The opening dialogue, it just hurt. "But first get OFF THE DRUGS" what was that? Perhaps After School specials DID impact some youth back in the 70s because that sure smacked of one. (heh smack, get it? I just noticed that, smack, drug reference, I am silly) Then the flat out slap in the face of bad stereotypes and misconceptions of both the church and satanism. I hardly care about offending in a movie, and couldn't careless about stereotyping and misconceptions if they are done right for a part, but this was just careless drivel that clumped around like a toddler in his dad's muddy work boots. (like that one?) I must also vent regarding Ricci. Um.. what was she doing there? Listen can you hear the sound of a girl kicking herself in the distance? her "cameo" was amusing to say the least. Her beheading I think was in my mind a subconscious escape for her from such trash, reminded me of Tim Robbin's death in Mission to Mars "THIS MOVIE IS HELL *takes off helmet*" Ok maybe I am dreaming there. Still. So yes the movie was trash, but go see it to have a giggle. Ya know... this makes me wonder if Jesus ever spun a plate to show his anointing?
Battlefield Earth (2000)
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
First off.. WHAT IS WITH THE NUMBER THREE? "I have seen it three times! I have read it three times!" and so on. I mean ok if you like this great, I pity you and question your tastes, but why do people who love something feel they have to back it up by saying they did it 3 times? Once means tried maybe? A Second means it was neat I'll do it again? So three must mean HARDCORE!!! WOOOOOOOWHEE! Well whatever reasoning, I have never known pain like this pain. My friend and I winced at Mission to Mars (M2M for you clever trendy folk) so the wincing was increased ten fold during Battlefield Earth. Hey that could be BFE! I've been to BFE, my friend lived in BFE, it took 40 minutes to get there. It was a bad movie. BAD, I didn't "See myself" I didn't "relate" I couldn't even grasp the campiness or cheese factor (and i love camp and cheese)I mean sure I disagree with critics, and sure I can justify defending a movie that was "misunderstood" by the general populace. I just really sat there and thought, "Why?". I will say this, I was also a bit angry that it did suck so bad. The concept of enslaved fyootcher humans looking at 1000 year old earth stuff is neat, but this one failed. Oh and also, WHO CARES ABOUT CAVEMEN IN PLANES... that is a moot reference when you weigh the whole film, I mean movie. The term "film" is too good for this mass of poo. Good Day
Mission to Mars (2000)
Eyeliner?
I read all these comments regarding how horrid this movie is, and I agree of course, but hasn't anyone yet addressed the most pressing issue here? WHY IS GARY SINISE WEARING SO MUCH EYELINER? Good LORD! All through the stuttering mass of tomfoolery DePalma tries to pass off as a movie, we are subjected to the moist puppy dog eyes of the gentle yet determined Spaceman Gary. Puke.. I simply was stunned that such a movie was made. What is wrong with this film has been said best by everyone else so I will refrain from listing something we already know, but I just had to mention the frickin' EYELINER! There I can go eat my breakfast now.