thebishop2's Reviews

Epic Movie (2007)

1/10

30 January 2007

The next time someone says they'll buy your ticket to see a Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer movie, run away and disown this person. These two are the equivalents of Ewe Boll when it comes to 'comedy' film making.

I'd put spoiler alert on here, but there's nothing to spoil. I won't even go into the plot, I'll just say: Avoid Epic Movie.

Other than the god awful script (I mean, just awful rehash of a bunch of movies thrown together), the less than great acting and the poorly executed timing..........well, okay, this movie's got nothing. I laughed, nay, chuckled once at something that wasn't actually funny, but it hit me enough to elicit a small chuckle. I can't even remember what the bit was, but it wouldn't make SNL these days, and we all know how bad that's been the last decade.

Now, I'm of the school that Date Movie was one of the worst films I've ever seen. I still stand by that assessment and this one is actually better than that one. But, by better I mean bottom 20 and and not bottom 10 of all time. If there's something good to be taken from this it's this: if you're a young filmmaker (or going to school to be one), this gives you hope that you can get something green lighted by someone somewhere. If these two guys (who might be the worst comedy writing team since the dawn of man) can sucker people into green lighting two of the worst scripts the world has ever seen, than anyone can get their idea made into a feature length movie, even if it's near Ed Wood quality.

Some thoughts on the actors: I do admit that the Mays chick is kinda cute-ish, but I'm partial to redheads. She's not fantastic in any sense, just cute-ish. Meanwhile, Kal Penn is losing his humorous touch, I think. Between this and the apparently awful Van Wilder 2 (I was spared that one, thank you Satan), I think he's just about finished, which is almost too bad, but then, how far can you go being a one trick pony? And the Campbell guy........I really just haven't gotten his appeal as an actor. He's goofy looking, he has very odd facial expressions and isn't much with the comic timing, so it's not hard to see how he's been in two of the worst 'comedies' of the last 2 years.

Oh, and Carmen Electra does her usual slow-motion body rub that would win some AVN awards but will never do her any good in the mainstream acting world. Can't go without that, right?

If that's a spoiler, than standards are too low. See it if you must, but trust a man when he implores you that this is one of the worst movies he's ever seen. I'd give it a -5 if I could.....

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Teen Wolf Too (1987)

1/10

Dear God, Why?

12 November 2004

This one ranks up there with Mannequin 2 and Weekend at Bernie's 2 as the worst sequels of all time. As if the cheesy first film starring Michael J Fox wasn't bad enough, some dink in Hollywood decided that a second must be made despite the fact that there were many obvious signs not to make it. Shouldn't the signs be clear when you can't get star of the film back, or half the rest of the cast who realized they'd be doomed to the C circuit forever?

This is just a poor rehash of an already terrible idea. Geek (Jason Bateman) going to school, is somehow into athletics when he should really be into studying and insects, is in love with the hot chick on campus but doesn't notice the blistering crush the longtime girl friend has on him. He turns into a wolf, parties, gets really good at sports, learns a lesson, and then wins as himself instead of using the magic powers Oden inferred upon him and discovers that the longtime girl friend is the hottest chick in the movie. yay.

I only have a few thoughts on this flick though. Why did they feel the need to bring back Mr Howard? I mean, they could have made a clean break, cast all new people and just made it another film that had a similar 'plot'. But instead, they bring back incidental characters from the first film that weren't that entertaining then. They bring back Scott's friend Stiles. How does he know Todd (Bateman)? I'm not really sure. I'm kind of surprised he knew him since this Stiles looks completely different do to either complete facial reconstruction or a casting change. Not that it matters, as the annoying character he is, the less you remember his face, the more better off you are.

Why is Chubby in this film? I mean, talk about bringing back a character that brought nothing to the table. The only thing he did in the first film was eat jello from a girls cleavege. Sure, we all want to do that just once, but it still shouldn't mean getting into another film.

And why Boxing? I mean, what colleges have a boxing circuit? And does Bateman look like he could hurt a fly? At least basketball, football or even baseball could pass. Hell, track and field!! But, alas, they decided Boxing was the way to go. Another great choice by these people. I'm shocked they're still working after all this.

At least Bateman has redeemed himself by doing some good work on Arrested Development. But it'll take an Oscar for me to ever forgive this horrendous film. Avoid it like the plague and thank the lord above if you've never seen it. Amen.

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The Babe (1992)

1/10

God Awful

4 August 2004

Ever seen a movie and just wanted to punch the screen?

The Babe, starring John Goodman, is a horrendously bad film. It's almost a total fabrication of the man's life. There's so much wrong, I don't know where to begin.

Perhaps we should look at the fact that John Goodman was way too heavy to play him. Babe Ruth was never 350 pounds. He was actually a good athlete in his prime. He started as a pitcher, yet they skipped over that despite his being one of the better pitchers in the American League for several years before moving fulltime to the outfield.

He wasn't mentally impaired, either, yet they make it seem like he had the know how of a 2 year old. They had him marrying his second wife before his first wife died, something that he wouldn't due to religious reasons. All they had him do was harp about managing, wanting to manage in the majors. He did want to, it's well documented, but it wasn't the only thing he thought of. And he didn't call Lou Gehrig Iron Man when he was 3 years into the league, heck, no one did!! you get that kind of nickname you play several years without missing games. Gehrig's character was also a complete waste. I'm surprised they didn't just cut him out of the movie like he didn't exist, they cut out so much that did anyway.

This movie has the feel of a bad made for TV film. The acting stinks, the shots stink, the crowd/atmosphere stinks, everything is very contrived, and they completely forgot it was a historical setting. It feels like the screen writer just decided to write up a completely different story and then added Babe Ruth to it.

Watch it if you want, but if you know anything about baseball history, you'll wish you hadn't. -100 on a 1-10 scale.

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The Source (2001)

1/10

Stop the rocking...Stop the rocking

22 January 2004

The kind of movie you tell your friends about......tell to stay far away from.

This is the kind of film making that would make Ed Wood proud. Poor plot, bad acting and a terrible camera crew, this movie has it all. From camera techniques that leave the viewer reaching for the Dramamine to a script that explains nothing, you really can't ask for more in a C class flick.

The movie starts off following Reece, a goth kid who wears more makeup than Tammy Faye Baker. He's sullen, he's moody and he's surly, the kind of kid who always makes "special" friends with the jocks of any high school he attends. He's befriended by 3 other outcasts, Zack, Ashley and Phoebe. "Outcasts" that all dress nice and drive nice cars nonetheless. They take him to a magic spot in the woods where Zack, the brainy one, has figured out produces some kind of super energy from cold fusion with just his palm pilot. Reece goes off by himself and immediately discovers a large, glowing yellow rock that no one has ever noticed before. Somehow they discover stepping into the energy source allows them to gain interesting low budget powers that made their eyes glow different colors. I'd explain it more, but that's all they give us, so you just have to accept it as such.

The kids decide to take action and get back at all the people that have treated them badly, embarrassing teachers, cheerleaders, punks and audience members everywhere. Ashley goes on a power spree, inflicting terrible revenge on her enemies like nosepicking and sitting in garbage cans, so you can see it gets really intense. I don't want to spoil the rest as I want to leave you salivating for more.

Most of these kids look 30+ and have never had any lead performance roles before in their lives. While most will never amount to too much in the acting world, I do believe Zack could be, if given enough time and the right amount of extensive training, a really good Extra some day, the kind you put behind the Hanks' and Cruise's of the world to make for a more convincing scene. The others would be good cadavers on shows like CSI. I just recommend that Zack leave his shirt on for the rest of his career.

Can't anyone write a low level script that tells a coherent story in 90 minutes? I've seen more expressive QVC shows. The filmmakers assumed we should just know the depths of everything; character motivations, the meaning of vague music video flashbacks, exactly where it was all going.

And what was going on with the camera work? They kept using this 'rocking' camera technique (using the word technique loosely) that made you seasick for no apparent reason other than to keep your eyes from leaving the screen, which mine kept doing. There were also other shots that looked like they just kept a camera on in case something cool happened.

Overall, I'd say this movie is a 1 out of 10, and that's being generous. You could make the same film with known actors and still not get anything from it. A total nightmare of film making.

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The Jerk, Too (1984 TV Movie)

Ugh...(sounds of wretching)

8 January 2004

Never in my life have I ever seen such a pile of garbage!

How can you take a classic and try and make a TV sequel out of it? I only saw half of this movie (I'm still trying to watch it, though it's painful....very painful) and I haven't even attempted to laugh once. It's on par with Short Circuit 2 and Weekend at Bernies 2 as worst attempt at a sequel ever.

We appear to be following the adventures of Nathan Johnson, played by Steve Martin in the original. In this one, they found a very unfunny guy named Mark Blankfield to play the part. The guy is as funny as a cardboard box. I've seen him since and there's no question to why he's never made it bigger, though there is the question of how he made it in the first place, if you can call this making it. He's out to impress Marie's family, who are suddenly well to do themselves. How Marie went from Bernadette Peters to this chick, I don't know. All he does is try to give stupid looks, but they just come across like he's constipated. He keeps telling Marie that he's Navin Johnson over and over, like it's funny he can't recall she already know him. The people look like their counterparts as much as George Clooney looks like George Plimpton.

Hijinks ensue. Nothing is funny, though. It's almost like they decided to make it a drama with some slap stick action tossed in, but I somehow know they're trying to be funny, which is just a horrible feeling. Somehow Ray Walston was suckered into this film (perhaps he had a debt to pay or a house to re-finance, who knows) along with Jimmie Walker, who was probably just thankful for the work.

I just want to know who the guy was that sold his soul to get this 'movie' done. It's truly horrible.The acting is on par with porno.The charm of the first film is completely lost on this miserable hunk o'junk. If they had named it something else, I don't think anyone would have ever thought it had a connection, I mean none at all. There's only one grade to give this movie, and that's the 9th level of Hell. May God have mercy on they're souls. Amen.

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Glitter (2001)

1/10

Some Glitter doesn't shine

8 September 2002

Warning: Spoilers

Spoilers? I guess......

Figuring out this movie is like figuring out when Tax day is. They're always the same. They've made this movie 40 times, but this time they did it with Mariah Carey, singer extrodinaire with limited acting experience and it shows.

The movie follows Billie Frank, a NYC girl from a broken home. She sings her heart out as a backup singer who gets little respect. Her producer at the times friend, a local DJ (Max Beesley), hears her and instantly wants to be her new producer. He buys her for $100,000 (It's the 80's, that's more like $1,000,000 nowadays) and immediately gets her pressed and played. Sure, happens just that quick. she laments about her long lost mother, they argue, he gets dumped as producer,she isn't sure of anything,he gets shot and killed, she sings for him,makes it big time,she finds mom, credits. The movie is just that simple.

Now for the 'good' parts: The Acting. If there was any, it came from the extras. They put their heart and souls into creating a real world look to the film. It really does look like the real world. No one looks right in the camera and they speak in the background. Mariah isn't awful. She isn't. The parts where she starts crying are real. She suddenly realized that she was in a bad,bad,bad film and just let it out. The look on the other actors faces tells the audience that it's not in the script. She does this several times. Can't blame her, she really should have warmed up better by doing a few more 'acting' gigs. Mariah is one level above Porn actress. Everyone else is wretched.

Whoever wrote this script should be shot. It couldn't be less original. And NO NUDITY? Why else are teenage boys going to show up? It didn't have to be Mariah, but someone should have been, it's almost always in these scripts. It's the only thing they have. Not this one. Her friends in the film weren't good subjects for it, so they should have found 2 unknowns and just stripped them down a few times. It would have turned up the attitude a bit. And I don't look for nudity in films. Just THESE FILMS!!!

To conclude, If you're not a big fan of her music, put a big pass on this one. I saw it on HBO, so it was almost free. And I still want some compensation.

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The Master of Disguise (2002)

I want my money back........

16 August 2002

Warning: Spoilers

Ever seen a film that makes you hate life? This one is really close....

I'd start off with saying 'spoilers', but the entire film was basically shown in it's trailer. If you saw the trailer, you saw what may have been worth watching.

After plopping down my 5 bucks (matinee's are the only way to go these days), I sat down in a nice theatre awaiting a new film by Dana Carvey. I will admit a liking for him, he has made me laugh in the past. I was even willing to look past the fact that he has never shown he can carry a movie, playing smaller parts much better and coming across as less annoying.

The movie: The movie follows a...well.....retarded 30 year old named Pistachio Disguisee. He's not supposed to be retarded, but there is no other explanation for him. He comes from a long line of Master of Diguise's, but his Papa (James Brolin)elected to hide this from him in order for a more normal life. But the family way was always with Pistachio as he mocked people from the day he was born. His father owns a restaurant where the whole family works and, apparently, other waiters are allowed to keep their jobs while making a fool of Pistachio.

Anyway, a long ago bad guy (Brent Spiner) of his father comes back to town and kidnaps the parents and forces Papa to do his bidding by disguising himself and stealing rare artifacts. He does this by threatening Mama (Edie McClurg), who is kept under a drug induced haze. That's when Yoda... I mean Grandpa comes to town. He's never met his grandpa, so he calls him his sister. HAHAHA!! WOW! Wait the Laughs are just getting started. Everytime you see the bad guy, someone farts and stops the entire screen. FUNNY!.

Listen, Grandpa teaches him the art of the Jedi...I mean Disguisee, he hires an assistant, Jennifer Lopez, or someone like that. They both go under cover in all sorts of suits and such to find out who's doing the evil bidding...and.....and....URGGH!!!!! At this point in the theatre, the 6 people have dwindled to 2, me and my mother, who was begging me to take her back to her group home!! I was tempted to, but, it was my weekend with her and we had to do something to pass the time.

The rest of the film is filled with pointless story, bad characters that make you cry and shameless hamming by Carvey. Turtle Man made me frightend for the future. The fact that Pistachio only liked woman who had child bearing hips was the only thing I could relate to. The running fart joke made me laugh, but it was because I was farting along with it. Sadly, I left to use the restroom (chaining mother to her chair), came back and found that the movie wasn't over, and yet, I hadn't missed a thing. I couldn't tell if something important happened or not. The best part of the movie is when the credits are rolling and it says something about what type of film they used and shows the little symbols for the companies. That meant it was over and I could go home.

SO the morals of this film are: Accept the fact that you're not a lead actor, never advertise using the bits that may have been funny if not seen before, and always make sure you see these movies with people that can't run away. Amen.

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Loser (2000)

Not much to spoil....

1 June 2002

This movie makes me wish I were homeless. Then I'd never have to watch it on HBO again and again and again. It's not my fault, I have to have something to do.....

What's with Hollywood continuing to pop out the same films over and over, demanding people to actually pay to see it? I'm ashamed I've even seen this film. Like confession ashamed.

Jason Biggs plays a Middle American hick named Paul who decides to go to New York to go to school. Why? No reason other than to leave home and see the world a bit. His father, the over used Dan Ackroyd, has such a miniscule part in this movie I had to reread the credits twice to remember that he is in fact in it. Why he continues to do these parts I haven't gotten yet. He's got more money than God from the Ghostbuster films. And only one of those is worth watching.

Anyhoo, back to the awfilm. 'Paul' goes off to the big city and finds that life there isn't like back home and that people are rotten and blah blah blah....If you've seen this storyline once, you've already killed yourself. He has three rather fruity roommates that are rich. You can tell by their clothes, hair and stuff. And their snotty attitudes toward the hero. They speak the 'cool' kids lingo of today: Za, Dust, oink. Yeah, they cool alright. They get their hair done and drug girls at parties so they can get some, but for some reason I suspect they'd rather be drugging guys. Hey, I didn't cast them and I certainly didn't tell Ms. Heckerling to write this drivel. If you look at her track record, she has made films that were well received, Fast times at Ridgemont High, Clueless,Look Who's talking(the first one anyway). This film was edited with a cheese grater, with cameos from all kids of minor known actors and scenes that are so out of sync, you could rearrange the whole film and nothing would change. There are several scenes that have no meaning and there others where it's obvious they should have come before and after each other. Seeing the nothing this film is, I can't see why it so rushed looking. Like they HAD to have this thing out there at a certain date, but needed that extra week to film a scene where Paul walks around. He doesn't do anything, mind you, but they had to have it.

And I haven't even got to Mena Suvari, the 12 yr old boy who plays girls in movies. Hot girls, supposedly, but I leave that up to you. She's this quirky, ecclectic type that is really nice but also confused. She also is in love with the evil teacher, Greg Kenear. He's only evil to Paul, but he also misuses Mena. He likes the young girls and blah blah. He's only in here to antagonize Paul and make Mena not like herself. Mena, meanwhile, is the love interest who doesn't know it. She has all kinds of misadventures, like trying to get school money, getting drugged by the 3 guys and living with the teacher. Yeah, typical college student. Why bother, her character is as interesting as tofu. add salt!!!

Enough. Don't see this movie if you expect interesting storyline. If you love Biggs and Suvari, bottoms up. I just hope you have some aspirin.

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The League of Gentlemen (1999–2017)

Are you Local?

19 June 2001

Perhaps the funniest TV show I've seen in years, if not ever. I loved The League. The characters were well thought and played out, the actors were above and beyond, and it was funny. REALLY FUNNY!!! I will say that it was the kind of show that if you didn't watch it for at least a few shows in a row, you most likely didn't get it and turned it off thinking it was just another of those shows that looked funny, but really wasn't.

The best part was that the actors weren't afraid to go all out. They didn't pull their punches. They were freaky, scary, funny, sad, men, women, children, drunks, priests, transgendered things(?),circus perfomers............

How many shows have 2 old people, who run a local shop, kill almost every person who comes into the shop? And it's one of the main premises, so i didn't give anything away. And still make it so that you can't stop laughing. And before you think it's just I that is a freak, this show was quite a riot with many others everywhere.

To anyone with access to this fine piece of comedy and enjoys watching crazy British people portray the insane and imbred, check it out. You won't be sorry!!! i only hope that the boys start to make more stuff, it'd be a waste not to see them working soon.

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The Godson (1998)

1/10

Dear lord......

16 December 2000

Why is it good character type actors who are funny in little roles always want to be the star of a movie? Why can't they just accept the fact that they're really good at the bit part that everyone remembers?

Kevin McDonald fits this to a tee, and this movie proves it. It's really bad parody of The GodFather. It has what looks like a good cast and it SOUNDS like it's gonna be funny, but all it turns out to be is a few sight gags and cameos strung together by a pitifully bad script. The 'stars' in the film include Rodney Dangerfield and Dom Deluise. But it follows Guppy, McDonalds character, throughout this godawful flick. How he's trying to take his family legit and blah,blah,blah.....

Why can't he just get the Kids in the Hall back together? It seems like he can't break out of the mold that he was on that show. He plays weird little characters. Nothing else. I still like him as a bit player, but he's proven that he definetly can't carry a film. Put a big pass on this one.

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Fight Club (1999)

10/10

Great flick

16 December 2000

I didn't know what to make of the film before I saw it. It looked cool, but Brad Pitt was in it and his acting usually is, well, wooden at best.

Then I saw it.

I gotta say, this is a great film. It's got everything: action, plot,crazies, bombs, acting. Even Brad Pitt puts in a good performance. Made me respect him as the pretty boy actor he is instead some guy who just looks good to all the chicks in the land.

Ed Norton is the main man, though. He teams up with Pitt to form a club where beating the living (blank) out of each other is heaven. Every guy who seems run down and lost in the world and sees it wants to join. Soon they have a legion of guys at their disposal. that's when Tyler (Pitt) starts to put into action a series of terrorist actions against the city of Los Angelos. Meanwhile, Ed Norton's character is getting phased out more and more as it goes on and he starts to feel left out. From there all heck breaks loose.

With many twists and turns, Fight Club keeps you on your feet and, at least for myself, Kept me wanting to know more and more what was going to happen. I've seen this film a dozen times now and it still hasn't lost anything. Go check it out NOW!!! And remember, the first rule of fight club is :WE do NOT talk about fight club!!!!ONWARD!!!!

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Se7en (1995)

2/10

Why?

16 December 2000

Where did this film go wrong?

It splits into 2 parts: Good and very bad.

The first 3\4's is good. Brad Pitt puts on an acting display that is less wooden than usual and Morgan Freeman puts on his usual thoughtful guy role. It's not Crazy Joe Clark from Lean on Me, but it's a decent role. Kevin Spacey has the best part, but that's cause he's a nutbag. Pitt and Freeman are on the trail of a serial killer who keeps leaving clues in the style of the 7 deadly sins. It's an intruiging plot that has many odd and nasty characters and scenes that are worth watching.

Then comes the end. Brad Pitt's acting falls apart. I would swear that he had just gotten up and read the script 5 minutes before filming. I don't really want to say what happens because that kills the film and I'm not that kind of guy. Let's just say that Pitt walks into a situation that would make the strongest person fall apart. The emotion level should be beyond what humans would normally feel everday. It's horrible. And yet, he acts as if he already knows is like 'Oh man, that's bad. doughnut anyone?' It doesn't help that I figured out the end way before it came up, but I lost any thought of Pitt coming into his own as an actor. See the film, judge it for yourself.

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The Matrix (1999)

6/10

More holes than a hunk o'swiss

9 December 2000

I didn't dislike this movie.

That said, I just have a few problems with it. I'll start with the cast. Where in the world did they find actors so badly on par with Keanu Reeves? Amongst the 'pretty boy' actors in Hollywood, he is the prince of the wood face. Clint Eastwood may have more expression. All of the actors, with the possible exception of Larry Fishburn, who I have seen in other roles that were good, are as stiff as a corpse. None of Neo's pals need to be in this film. They are totally uninteresting and unnecessary. Apoc? Switch? Mouse? Why? These people have the personalities of a smock. At least the two brothers serve the purpose of getting them in and out of the Matrix and driving the ship. The others are there to look good, and they missed on that too.

And why so much needless violence? All these 'cops' they kill are just people suppossedly stuck in that gooey jell you get out of the 25 cent vending machines, right? So, Neo and his babe go around and kill a bunch of helpless, innocent people. Those guys were just minding their own biz when they burst in with an arsenal that rivals that of Rick James's.

And then there are the scary characters. They range from the emotionless 'smiths' to that of those creepy kids who bent spoons and made me wax sentimental about unicef for some reason. In fact, the Smiths were the best 'acted' roles, but I think that's because they had the least to stretch since they were the bad guys.

I can't even get into the plot holes, since there is a word limit, but there were a lot. This whole movie is beyond improbable. But, it's worth a viewing or 2. Check it out if you got a friend who wants to blow there money one saturday night.

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The Big Lebowski (1998)

10/10

I'm not Lebowski, I'm the Dude!

9 December 2000

Greatest Jeff Bridges movie ever. I absolutely loved this film. It has everything: Woman, drugs,guns,theft,porn,bowling,humor,and a great cast. Nothing better than a bum who bowls with his 2 loser friends, one who never listens and the other who is a Vietnam Vet who is ALWAYS reminding you of his experience.

One stolen rug starts off the heist of millions. And The Dude is stuck in the middle of all of it. He's pulled in every direction while trying to figure out who kidnapped the wife of a millionaire who happens to have the same name, Jeff Lebowski.

Thrown into this film are German Nialists ("We Believe in Nossing,Lebowski!!"), Eccentric naked painters, and a bowler accused of pedophilia. Thrown into the mix are a bunch of great scenes that may not make sense if I tried to explain...sooooo...

Rent this movie as soon as you can!!! Her life DEPENDS ON IT!!Your life will change. My life will change. The Dude only wants his rug back. GO!!! NOW!!!!

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How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

5/10

Errrr....it's okay.

28 November 2000

If I come out of a movie, especially if it was hyped as much as this, and I can only say 'eh, it's okay' then it's really not okay.

The film itself is visually rich. Everything is detailed quite nicely and the special effects are tremendous. Ron Howard is a director who's work I generally enjoy immensly. He tells a story well and usually gets the best out of his actors. Then comes this. The Grinch. I'll admit that I was looking forward to seeing it. I like Jim Carrey, most of his film except for Man on the Moon, but I'll save that for that review. The acting is good, You really can't recognize Carrey under the makeup. And he plays the part to a tee.

But it's the storyline that bugs me. Why does Hollywood feel the need to center a movie around a kid? And then make them sing? Why add so much new story to a classic? I found myself almost dozing off right in the middle of the film. This movie would have been more enjoyable if all the children had been tied down and gagged. I like kids in real life, but not on screen. It's what I call 'Dan Ackroyd syndrome'. The formula doesn't always need a kid. The Pepsi girl isn't cute!! But I'm subjected to her before every film, just like these films do.

maybe I'm just going off on a tangent because the film just didn't grab me. But if you see it for yourself, you'll see what I mean. I'm not saying it was bad, it's just not great. If I want to watch a christmas film, I'll watch the Christmas Story, at least the kids in that are real. They have defined personalities. Go check the Grinch, but at the dollar theatre if you can.

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The Object of My Affection (1998)

1/10

The Horrors!! The Horrors!!!

28 November 2000

I have never seen such a pathetic piece o'(blank) in my entire life!! This movie is the answer to why movies are going down hill nowadays.

jennifer Aniston falls in love with a gay paul Rudd and can't get it into her head why he just doesn't favor her scent. Maybe it's because he's gay?!?!? This movie proves that Jennifer Aniston will never make it as a big time, main stream movie actress. She is destined to play Rachel Green characters her entire life, not to say that's a bad thing. She gets plenty to play the part. And she can always fall back on the fact that she's married to some guy who makes movies.

But still!!! This movie left me feeling that movies are no longer watchable. And I was dragged kicking and screaming to it. I wanted to see something else, but everyone else said ' but this looks good.' I no longer speak to these people for that sentence alone!!! If you have the opportunity to see this film, change the channel, rent that other film you heard about, or just READ A BOOK!!! But whatever you do, don't get dragged down with this mistake of a film. There, I got out.

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A Christmas Story (1983)

10/10

House Nickle Pheiffer!!!

28 November 2000

These words were muddered by Ralphie's father, only referred to as 'The Old Man' throughout the film. That alone is worth watching over and over and over.

If you've never seen the Christmas Story, you haven't lived. This film appeals to everyone who ever wanted something so badly that they'd go way overboard just to get that point across. All he wants is that Red Rider Carboned action Air Rifle, and he makes it his point to get one from Santa.

Ralphie and his friends are the center of the film, but i really think that the Old Man steals the show. His endless mutterings, yellings, and vengence tactics never get old. I feel like I'm 7 years old again everytime I see this. Except it would all be in Greek.

If you haven't seen this movie, you must. Rent it and watch it with a group or just by yourself. It's 2 hours of endless fun.

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Mr. Show with Bob and David (1995–1998)

Greatest sketch comedy show of the 90's

27 October 2000

This show just blows them all away.

I only wish I had gotten to see more of them. They just blew past all then limits and made fun of anything.

They even had Jack Black on for a season. JEEPERS CREEPERS!!! Best sketch making fun of JC Superstar ever!!!!

Cross and Odenkirk are Gods!!!

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The Best of John Candy on SCTV (1996 TV Movie)

10/10

The Greatest video of the greatest man to ever walk amongst us

19 October 2000

Truly the best of John Candy.

This compilation is packed full of John's best and funniest moments on Earth.

The man gave his heart and soul here. If you're a fan, and have never seen this, buy it now. Don't wait. You'll never regret owning this video. It has the Shmengies, Hey Yorgi, Johnnie LaRue and the rest of the best. It's the best example of how funny this man really was.

You may have seen him in a lot of films, but you never really saw him all out. I may be his number one fan ever, at least I think I am, and until I saw this, I thought I'd seen it all.

I only wish I'd gotten to meet him. That would have been the only thing that would have beat this. I miss that man.....amen. God Bless you John!!!

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Ed Wood (1994)

10/10

True cinema

19 October 2000

This movie may be the best ever made about a real person.

It depicts the life of 50's\60's film director Ed Wood at the height of his mediocrity. He is, of course, known as the worst film maker of all time, for those who don't know.

Johnny Depp turns in one of the greatest film perfomances ever. If he really needed to prove his worth as an actor, this film is it. He has a great cast to play off of and is a replica of the late Wood. Let it be known that Depp is not one of those 'pretty boy' actors that made it due to looks. The man has depth.

Bill Murray leads the cast in portraying the weird world of actors that Wood surrounded himself with.

It's funny,sad,pathetic,warm and heart felt all at the same time. Never seen another film like it, quite possible never will again. Tim Burton is a master of the' off beat- non main stream' film world.

10 out of 10, in my book.

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Groundhog Day (1993)

10/10

The greatest....

19 October 2000

It's one of the greatest films ever!!!

It's mostly comedy, but makes a good point. And it has a fantastic cast.

If you've never seen it, I'll give you a nibble: Bill Murray is a sour weatherman who hates just about everyone who gets stuck in Punksatowny on Groundhog day....And he can't do anything about it.

that's it. Anymore, and the film is ruined. And I'm not the one who's going to do that!!! Check it out...

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What About Bob? (1991)

10/10

Bill Murray is God!!!

19 October 2000

This may not even be his funniest film!! And it was still one of the best comedies ever!!! He plays narrotic to a tee!!! And Richard Dreyfus is perfect as the overly up tight Dr. Marvin, who hates Bob tremendously!!

If you've never seen this film, your missing out on a great one!! I saw it again (for the 50th time) and I still laugh my butt off!!!! Absolutely great!!

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Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)

10/10

The Greatest film of all time

19 October 2000

I am not the biggest fan of John Hughes. That said, I still think this film is the greatest ever. Steve Martin and John Candy are the 80's equivalent of Abbott and Costello in this movie.

It's hilarious, warm, touching,thoughtful....everyone of these words and more. It's a great script, has no stale moments and keeps you interested 'til the end.

This may be the best film either of them ever did, and that's saying a lot. Neither ever really had another film that was this successful and this well put together. They should have done more together, but hind sight is 20\20 and dear John has departed this life.

If you've never seen this film, rent it around Thanksgiving. It'll warm you up and make you thankful...thankful that you never had a trip like that.

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Little Shop of Horrors (1986)

10/10

Last of the great Movie Musicals

19 October 2000

Based on the broadway musical, it may very well be the last great musical translation from stage to screen.

Rick Moranis plays Seymour as well as anyone. He may not be the greatest singer in the world, but he doesn't have to be. Ellen Greene and the rest of the cast surly make up for it.

And then their are the great cameos and smaller parts that make this film great. Steve Martin as the sadistic Dentist/boyfriend has the best number in the show. And then Bill Murray comes out of nowwhere and steals a small portion of the film.

I don't want to say too much. Just remember: there's also a giant talking\singing plant.

Truly bizzarre. But well worth it.

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The Razor's Edge (1984)

10/10

This is the one...

19 October 2000

that proves Bill Murray can really act and is not just a comedian.

Unfortunately, it also didn't do well because his regular fans weren't ready for this transformation.

If you like Bill Murray and aren't afraid of drama, check it out. It's very deep and will change your mind about Murray, even if it's already favorable.

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