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kurtmoulton
Reviews
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
"It's time for the (last) Jedi to end!"
I love Star Wars. I was born six days before the release of the original; the Saga has been part of my life. I love the characters, the story, and the imagery. I love the behind the scenes history, influence on filmmaking, and cultural impact of the films. I grew up playing with the action figures, collecting the Topps cards (with dusty, razor-sharp shards of "gum"), eating C-3POs cereal, listening to the "You will know it is time to turn the page when you hear Artoo-Detoo beep like this" records, playing the Nintendo games, wearing the shirts, reading the Expanded Universe, riding Star Tours, experiencing the Renaissance of the mid '90s. Star Wars was something that defined me.
And then I saw "The Last Jedi".
This movie is insulting to a loyal and invested fan base. It is blatant arrogance to proclaim "Let the past die" when so many like me have been dedicated supporters of a franchise that permeated so many aspects of our lives. Star Wars is inextricably part of our past. To "let it die" trivializes the foundation of what has allowed these films to still be made 40 years later. Further, the filmmakers defend the poor reviews by blaming the fans for not embracing the desecration of our collective past.
"The Last Jedi" is a fever dream version of Star Wars. It negates everything that came before it, including it's immediate predecessor. While "The Force Awakens" was a pale imitator of the original, "The Last Jedi" is so unlike any other Star Wars movie. Yes, there are superficial similarities: character names, weapons, ships. Gone is the grand, overarching story with historical and mythological undertones. Gone are the universally applicable lessons of overcoming selfishness and anger through maturity and sacrifice. Instead, we are given contradictory messages that only suit the plot (arms dealers are bad, but they supply the good guys; Admiral Holdo can sacrifice herself to save the Resistance, but Finn can't because of some line about not fighting the ones we hate, but saving the ones we love).
Like "The Force Awakens", character arcs are destroyed - characters are unrecognizable. Luke Skywalker, beloved hero of millions, is reduced to a pathetic coward just to justify Kylo Ren. Chewie, Artoo, and Threepio are reduced to props.
I imagine that fans like myself get movies. We understand how fickle we are; we want something new, yet love our nostalgia. We get that the older characters should make way for new ones. But not like this. This tells us to jettison everything we love without offering anything better in its place. It's the same silly hubris that Disney pulled with the old Expanded Universe (the Legends); they proclaimed it all "non-canon", then gave us garbage like "Aftermath" as replacements. Yes, most of the video games, comic books, and novels were pretty bad - but they all had their fans! Star Wars really doesn't belong to any of us! We all played with our action figures differently as we created our own adventures and interpretations of the characters.
But Rian Johnson comes along like the rich kid who has all the toys and immediately tells us what Star Wars is or isn't?
I know this is a long, meandering review. But I hate this movie because I love Star Wars. And I refuse to let Kathleen Kennedy tell me how to play with my action figures!
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)
I Liked It!
You know, I honestly don't know what fans expect out of Star Wars! I went to "The Clone Wars" and escaped to a "galaxy far, far away," for a while and I said, "Hey, that was fun! It was just like playing with action figures again (in the days before you were supposed to leave them in their original packaging)," and then I had to go back to the real, not-so-fun world. In other words, I was entertained. I didn't go expecting the movie to give more than was intended. Lucas isn't supposed to be responsible to live up to every child-man's blurry childhood memories. He just wants to entertain, for crying out loud! Jeepers creepers, people! If you want to take Star Wars seriously, go read some "Extended Universe" crap that delves into the minutiae of the origin of Boba Fett's left knee pad and how it relates to - oh, I don't know - the Death Star's super laser, maybe? To sum up: I liked The Clone Wars! It was fun and fast-paced and action-packed! So there!
Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight (2008)
Dragons of a Piece of Crap
What was the point of even making "Dragonlance" into a movie if this was as good as it was going to be? I was embarrassed for the filmmakers the entire time I was watching this! What a waste of time! You know, fantasy fans already feel - to a greater or lesser degree - like dorks; I can remember reading the "Dragonlance" novels and trying to convince others that the writing was pretty entertaining. It was gratifying that fantasy got some respect after "The Lord of the Rings" became more mainstream and cool with the release of the movies. Well, "Dragons of Autumn Twilight" does completely the opposite - and I'm not criticizing it for its comparatively low budget. There was no sense of style whatsoever. Ralph Bakshi's attempt at Tolkien was far better and the rotoscoping effects were seamlessly integrated when compared with the hammered together CGI and traditional animation! "Dragons of Autumn Twilight" was full of jerky pans, distracting, super-imposed special effects, and careless animation mistakes. There's no thought given to the backgrounds or the environments. Pax Tharkas was just a couple of square towers with a gate. Interior shots were also generic: hallway, cavern, courtyard. Boring. It's really a waste of time to even criticize the movie. I didn't expect much and I was still disappointed! LAME!!!!
Good Against Evil (1977)
"What you call Hell, Rambo calls romance!"
Thanks to the Dollar Tree's DVD double features, I only had to pay $.50 for this '70's made-for-TV experience. With stuff like this and "The Star Wars Holiday Special", I'm surprised TVs even sold in the '70s. If nothing else, this movie serves as a representation - a time capsule, if you will - of what the decade was all about: groovy guys living in vans, Mary Tyler Moore-esquire women, and Satan. I'm not going to bother describing the movie's plot and just mention my favorite scene. It's when the hippie hanging out in the fortune telling booth gives the heroine, Jessica, her fortune and she glibly reads some pseudo-apocalyptic mumbo-jumbo about the coming of the Antichrist and the destruction of the world! Huh?! Neither she nor her mellow boyfriend find that unusual? Imagine sitting around with friends in a Chinese restaurant. You've finished dinner and everyone is opening their cookies and reading their vague but positive fortunes and you get one that prophesies the End Times. Wouldn't that raise some eyebrows? But Jessica and Andy are too much in love to be bothered by such things. This movie also stars Kim Cattrall. I didn't realize how old she is. Has she been making awful movies since the silent era?
Anyway, if you're looking for some cheesy fun for not a lot of money, I recommend digging through your local dollar store's movie bin for this and other forgotten films! I don't know if you'll be glad you did, but it's better than being ripped-off seeing a new bad movie in the theater!
The Legend of Boggy Creek (1972)
American Legend
"The Legend of Boggy Creek" deserves a higher rating on the IMDb. Despite a couple of laughable folk songs, the movie is an intriguing docudrama that is at times genuinely creepy. The filmmakers use admirable restraint and never give the audience a clear look at the creature. There are also moments of effective camera work and sound editing that create a close, atmospheric environment where the creature could be lurking behind every tree or bush. This film is what "The Mothman Prophecies" should have been.
Both amusingly dated and chilling, "The Legend of Boggy Creek" is a fun movie that is best enjoyed on a dark autumn night. It's a great scary story and an American folktale that's entertaining to watch safely at home, but may become much more plausible should you find yourself alone in the woods around sundown
Any Which Way You Can (1980)
Any Which Way But Good
I recently viewed "Every Which Way But Loose" and its sequel over the course of two nights. I was expecting a light and entertaining work of late '70s/early '80s nostalgia. What I got made "Smokey and the Bandit" look like a Merchant Ivory production. The movies weren't even fun on a good-natured, cheesy level. They were bottom of the barrel stinky wads of refuse that shamefully degraded humanity and took comedy to the darkened barroom of the soul. And "Any Which Way You Can" was the worst of the two, if such a distinction can be made. It picks up the saga of Philo Beddoe a few months after the events of the previous film. Philo is still fighting for money, but decides that it's time to stop since he's "gettin' to like the pain," which seems like a good thing, given so many hate their jobs. It's revealed early on that Clyde has a penchant for crapping in squad cars - a running gag that wasn't the plot point I thought it would be. Anyway, Philo and his simple but loyal pal Orville go to their favorite bar (maybe Philo should take up drinking for money - nah, he likes it too much...)where - lo and behold! Lynn Halsey-Taylor is performing! And for free in the hopes to win back Philo! Does he maintain his quiet dignity that he showed at the end of the first film when he walked away from the heartless, pale wraith that pummeled him while shrieking her hatred? Yeah, he does for a few minutes before storming the YWCA and whisking her away to make sweet love on the hay strewn floor of his shed. Just like "Gone with the Wind." It's funny that Lynn returns and is apparently capable of change and deserving of forgiveness while the seemingly faithful Echo is nowhere to be seen nor mentioned. Of course she was flighty enough to abandon her fruit stand on a whim - so I guess she could've also fled Orville when it became convenient. That's the way the movies depict characters: irresponsible and driven by their petty appetites. Philo is coerced by some mobsters to fight with a deadly brawler when Lynn is kidnapped and Philo and Co. chase after to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, pursued themselves by the painfully unfunny Black Widows. Along the way, the viewer is treated to Ruth Gordon's head super-imposed on Bo Derek, Anne Ramsey's visible pantie line, orangutan foreplay (the "real" deal as well as simulated by Philo while Lynn purrs her approval) and a strip poker game featuring drunken Texans and two old women! There isn't even a good enough title song - the only thing I liked about the original! And why an orangutan?! Is it something from the '70s I don't get?! Well, in the end, maybe the movie wasn't for me. As far as Clint Eastwood is concerned, I'll stick to spaghetti westerns and Dirty Harry and pretend that the "Which Way" mess never happened...if only it was that easy.