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Hard Cash (2002)
2/10
Headline: Slater and Kilmer's Whereabouts Unknown After Massive Bomb!
27 February 2002
I wasn't sure how stars of this caliber got stuck with a cable premiere until the picture actually started. Then the opening scene unspooled and I saw why this film missed the theaters and video shelves entirely. Slater and Kilmer (who is in the film for about five minutes) are in roles that are usually earmarked for Lorenzo Lamas and C. Thomas Howell and they seem to know it, bringing little life to the project. Maybe some of the magic was lost when they cut this thing for television, but I've seen more excitement and chemistry on screen watching a Betty Crocker Cook Off. All of the actors seem to be either hungover or ad-libbing their lines, completely unengaging, which only magnifies the fact that the story was poorly structured. The plot twists were predictable and unmotivated, and the direction was about as involved as an after school special. It's too bad the filmmakers couldn't have picked a better script for the talent involved. Don't bother waiting up for this one.
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Down 'n Dirty (2000)
1/10
It's craptacular!!
13 February 2001
It's craptacular!! More of the same from Fred Williamson. He's the renegade cop, somebody is dead, and now he's out for revenge. Too bad he couldn't track down a decent story while he was at it. Instead we're forced to watch while he charms the ladies, smokes cigars, and holds his shiny gun. If you're looking for anything beyond cliche'd characters, flat acting, and blaxploitation rehash, this film is not for you. But if you're up for Bubba Smith's toupee, a pack of geriatric cops "chasing" good ol' Hammer, and more plot holes than you can shake a stick at, this one might be right up your alley.
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