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mkovanen
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Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)
Another bad fighting game movie
I don't understand why someone think fighting games make good movies. In fighting games you don't need any plot. You play them because of playability. Story can be anything as long as game is fun to play. Only entertaining fighting game movie I have seen is first Mortal Combat. That worked because fighting was the main thing and plot was secondary.
This movie has all things that make fighting game movies bad. Fight scenes were bad. They felt like cut and paste fighting. Actors didn't know how to fight and action was made cutting everything to small pieces. If you have seen Hong Kong fighting scenes with talented actors this just look awful.
I haven't played the game. I don't know the characters. This movie didn't bother to tell me anything interesting about characters. All the time went with nonsense dialog and Asian bullshido wisdom. Some characters had some superpowers but I didn't get why.
There were Finnish crime boss who spoke Finnish. That was nice but I don't give another point for that. Movie is total waste of time. Story is nonsense. Dialog is nonsense. Fight scenes awful. From time to time this looks good but you can watch god movies that look good. It might be hard to find any bad movie entertainment from this since everything is just nonsense and uninteresting.
Braddock: Missing in Action III (1988)
Same actor, same name, different guy
No point watching Missing In Action movies back to back. First two come in wrong order and last one has very little to do with first two. Similarities are Missing In Action in name, Chuck Norris, character name and movies happen in Vietnam. Whoever wrote this haven't seen first two movies.
First we are hit fit fact that this is not sequel to earlier movies. Then we are hit with fact that that whoever wrote script takes pretty unbelievable way to start main story after introduction. Then Chuck hits and kicks bad guys in cool action scenes. Sound like brainless action piece. Until we get drama part and from that we get to series of boring action scenes with Chuck Norris not feeling like acting. During drama you wait action and during action you wait movie to end.
Two points because there is one "I didn't see that coming" and couple nice action scenes at the beginning. Other than that there is not much to see.
Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1985)
Masterpiece compared to first one
This feels like real movie. Not like cheap Rambo rip-off like first one. To be honest this have some First Blood feeling in it but it is not such rip-off as first one. Now we have real characters. Chuck Norris feels like acting and story makes sense. You sense danger unlike first one.
This happens before first movie and things happening in this movie are mentioned in first one. You are not spoiled if you have seen first one. Unless you count spoiling problem all prequels have. If I have understood correctly this was shot before first one or at same time. It makes little sense that this was released later than first one since this happens before and is much better movie.
I prefer prison camp part at beginning over action part at the end. This would have been better with less action but this is action movie and Chuck Norris movie so action has to be there.
Missing in Action (1984)
Bad Rambo rip-off
Replace Stallone with Chuck Norris who doesn't even try to act. Checked. Make all action scenes stupid and clumsy. Checked. Make all Asian people evil, prostitutes or casualties. Checked. Give all bad guys one personality - evil jerk. Checked. Write script that doesn't have any unexpected twists so every one who is not total idiot can see what is going to happen. Checked.
There is naked Asian women in movie for those who are too shy or something to watch porn. In porn you see them more than few seconds at the time so that is no good reason to watch this movie.
This is one reason for all those Chuck Norris jokes. There is no sense of danger because Norris doesn't want to act. He just does absolute minimum to walk through this movie. Bad movie fans might enjoy this but I won't give points from bad movie entertainment value.
Colombiana (2011)
Movie for those who like bad movies
I didn't expect much but this didn't deliver even that. Movie looks good and actors are decent. Story is the problem. This is too dark and not over the top enough for movie meant to be enjoyable bad movie. However bad movie fans might find this enjoyable.
Main character is meant to be ultimate assassin but she makes so much stupid things that it is hard to believe. Also other characters do things that make you face-palm. In real life these guys would have been in jail for long time or can only dream of chasing criminals.
When you add few too convenient things that move story ahead you know what is wrong in this movie.
Movie have few good action scenes but that won't help.
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Not on level of previous ones but entertaining movie
First of all you should watch Batman Begins and Dark Knight before this. This movie gets back to events of both of those movies. This is not as good as previous movies because this has few things that feel so stupid that you start to think why they are on movie.
Batmans war tactics seem to be from before World War I and this movie seems to have some kind of fair fist fight fixation. Police seems to be stupid and doing things that makes no sense only because plot requires it.
Another annoying thing is messing with time space continuity. In real life characters can't move that fast between places they seems to do this movie. Unnecessary time limit at the end is one of those too convenient things.
Bane is quite interesting. His master plan is not. There is no motivation for what makes him do things he do. Movie would have benefit better explanations of motives.
Catwoman is not called Catwoman in this movie and she has too little part for my liking.
Best things about movie is how it ties story lines from first two movies and shows why good ideas from earlier movies weren't so good after all. Good ending to great trilogy. If characters motivations were explained better and they wouldn't done few of those stupid things, this would have been on level of previous ones.