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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Golden Ticket to Disappointment: A Wonka Factory Flop"
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" is a lackluster adaptation that falls flat in several aspects. Here's why:
Flat Execution: The film fails to capture the whimsical magic of Roald Dahl's original story. The vibrant world of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory feels disappointingly two-dimensional.
Posh Charlie: The portrayal of Charlie Bucket, played by Freddie Highmore, lacks the genuine charm and relatability of the character from the book or 70s film. Instead, he comes across as a polished drama school student, missing the heartwarming innocence we expect.
Dull Characters: All the characters, including the eccentric Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp), suffer from a lack of depth. Mediocre acting and poor dialogue also don't help.
Missing Impact: Unlike the 1971 adaptation ("Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory"), this version lacks impact. The emotional moments fall flat, and very little humour.
Warmth Deficit: The film lacks the warmth and genuine connection between characters that made the original so endearing. It's a missed opportunity to evoke the same feelings of wonder and joy.
Forgettable Songs: The film's musical numbers fail to leave a lasting impression. They lack the catchy tunes and memorable lyrics that made the original so delightful.
In summary, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" pales in comparison to its predecessor. If you're craving nostalgia, stick to the classic. 🍫🎩
G'wed (2024)
Like Derry Girls without the laughs or likeable characters
"G'wed," a recent addition to the sitcom genre, unfortunately earns a 1 out of 10 rating for its underwhelming attempt to capture the essence of teenage life in Liverpool. The show, which seemingly aspires to the heights of "Derry Girls," and "Inbetweeners" falls flat with its crude humour, lacklustre performances, and a script that fails to deliver genuine laughs.
The acting is one of the show's most glaring issues. The performances come across as forced and unnatural, lacking the effortless charm and timing that are crucial for a comedy to resonate with its audience. This is particularly disappointing given the show's potential to showcase new talent.
Adding to the woes of "G'wed," the casting choices are a comedic misstep in themselves. The show features some actors who are supposed to be in their school years, yet they possess a certain 'mature' charm that could only come from two decades of attending high school reunions. The result is a group of 'students' who look like they could be teaching the class rather than attending it, lending an unintentional humour to the show that, sadly, is its only successful joke.
Moreover, the humor in "G'wed" is crude and often misses the mark. Instead of witty banter and clever punchlines, viewers are subjected to jokes that feel plain vulgar, failing to evoke the intended humour. The show's attempts at edginess and modern, come off as try-hard and poor taste.
In its ambition to emulate the success of "Derry Girls," "G'wed" only manages to highlight its own shortcomings. Where "Derry Girls" is praised for its sharp writing and endearing characters, "G'wed" presents a pale imitation, lacking the originality and heart that made its predecessor a standout.
In conclusion, "G'wed" is an unfortunate misstep in the world of television comedies. With its badly acted, crude, and unfunny content, it serves as a stark reminder that not all shows can capture the magic of their influences.
Mothers' Instinct (2024)
A creeping , unsettling story, that doesn't quite deliver.
"Mother's Instinct" is a psychological thriller that offers a compelling exploration of suburban paranoia, but ultimately falls short meriting a 6 out of 10 rating. Set in the 1960s, the film stars Anne Hathaway and Jessica Chastain as Alice and Celine, two neighbors whose idyllic lives unravel after a tragic accident.
The film's strength lies in its lead performances. Hathaway and Chastain deliver nuanced portrayals of complex characters, capturing the escalating tension with a sense of urgency that keeps viewers engaged. The production design and costume work are also noteworthy, effectively transporting the audience to the era with a meticulous attention to detail.
However, "Mother's Instinct" stumbles in its final act. The build-up of suspense and mystery, carefully crafted throughout the movie, culminates in an ending that feels both rushed and disappointing. . The resolution lacks the emotional payoff that the preceding narrative promises, leaving viewers with more questions than answers.
Despite its shortcomings, "Mother's Instinct" is a visually striking film with strong central performances. It's a worthwhile watch for fans of the genre, though it may not leave a lasting impression due to its underwhelming conclusion.
Late Night with the Devil (2023)
Not scary, not original, not funny.
"Late Night with the Devil" attempts to blend horror and satire within the found-footage genre, but ultimately falls short of its ambitions, earning a 4 out of 10 rating. The film's premise-a 1970s talk show host battling for ratings during a live Halloween special that goes awry-promises a mix of laughs and scares. However, the execution is where the film stumbles.
The Cairnes brothers' direction shows flashes of brilliance, particularly in the nostalgic recreation of the '70s TV aesthetic and the use of practical effects. Yet, the narrative feels disjointed, with the found-footage format feeling more like a gimmick than a storytelling device. The humor, intended to be diabolically funny, often misses the mark, leaving the audience unsure whether to laugh or cringe.
David Dastmalchian's portrayal of Jack Delroy, the desperate talk show host, is commendable but is let down by a script that lacks depth and originality. The supporting cast delivers uneven performances, with some characters feeling underdeveloped and others bordering on caricature.
The film's critique of television's corrupting influence and the lengths one would go for fame is a well-trodden path, offering little in the way of new insight. While "Late Night with the Devil" has its moments-particularly in the design and special effects departments-it ultimately doesn't deliver the cohesive experience that fans of horror-comedy crave.
In conclusion, "Late Night with the Devil" is a film that had potential but didn't quite manage to deliver on its premise.
All of Us Strangers (2023)
Cliche riddled and so predictable.
I was looking forward to this "ghost story " based on a Japanese novel. However, I was thoroughly disappointed.
Biggest complaint, how cliche it was. It as obviously a film obsessed with trying to be the new Queer as Folk or Its a Sin. Basically every gay (or should I say queer now like this film keeps referring to ) cliche was inserted into this film. You know; casual sex, pumping disco at gay clubs, cruising, HIV etc, etc.
My other big problem with this film is that there was no chemistry between the two characters. It always seemed awkward between the two. Perhaps it was Paul Mescal's dodgy moustache and perm lol. Or perhaps it was because Paul is straight, anyway I couldn't understand what each of these two characters saw in each other, the relationship didn't seem to blend naturally from friends, to lovers.
Claire Foy seemed quite wooden and theatrical as the mum, I did find Jamie Bell convincing as the dad I have to add.
Anyhow, after lots of random and confusing scenes the film reveals its big climax. However, anyone awed at this unoriginal ending must be a bit naive to say the least.
Basically this film is a combination of Queer as Folk, It's a Sin and another film I won't say because it will give it away.
One welcome touch was the 1980s pop soundtrack, but let's face it, even this has been done to death recently.
Napoleon (2023)
What should have been an epic is more like a fail
The life of napoleon is surely one of the greatest, most powerful events ever to happen to Europe. After all who has not heard of this leader who rose to power in the 1700s.
However, this film disappoints and underwhelms throughout.
Yes the costumes and battles appear big budget and impressive, but this film dips in and out of historical events without a real sense of joined up story telling.
I know a fair bit of napoleon's life, but even I was lost at times and confused as to what really motivated this autocratic genius.
Special mention needs to go to Phoenix as the miscast Napoleon. Surely to take over France and much of Europe, Napoleon would need to be a man who is charismatic, intelligent, energetic and egocentric. Instead you get a grumpy, tired looking Phoenix, who looks too old to play the part from start to finish.
I left the cinema with a sense of what could have been and what a missed opportunity this was.
Hijack (2023)
Cliched, daft, boring nonsense.
I have no idea why this series is getting good reviews. I mean sometimes a show is not for me but I understand some people have different preferences- but this!!!
Where do I start? Well the storyline is so unbelievably stupid, the characters so cliched and predictable and the dialogue so stilted and theatrical.
They obviously spent a lot of money on this show, but got the basics wrong.
I kept watching hoping it would improve, but no, it just gets worse. Needless to say the end is ridiculous, with lots a of plot holes and eye rolling predictable events. There were moments it actually felt like that parody film Airplane.
I honestly have to question the intelligence of anyone who gives this trash a good review.
Rise and Fall (2023)
Tedious imitation of Traitors
Oh dear another inane show on C4. Rise and Fall desperately tries to imitate the Traitors TV show but fails spectacularly. The rules are complex and nonsensical. The contestants are all shallow and tedious wannabes obsessed with social media. I honestly couldn't care who wins or crashes out of this show.
After much effort I finished one episode but definitely won't be watching any more. Does anyone remember C4 used to push the boundaries and produce original, good quality content? Now it's a shadow of its former self.
If you want to see a dramatic reality style contest, I'd recommend bbc Traitors.
Im Westen nichts Neues (2022)
Could have been an amazing classic- but under delivered.
I was so looking forward to seeing this film. I love history and especially First and Second World War genre.
Unfortunately I was left feeling disappointed after watching this film.
The positives were that the battle scenes are really well done and the mud, tension and grimness can be overwhelming.
However, the main issue with this film, is that it's battle scene after battle scene. You hardly get to know or care about any of the characters and I found it hard to understand who any casualties were, even less to care.
Frustratingly there are many changes to the book, that I believe detract. The ending in particular made me roll my eyes in despair and I feel some modern day woke lectures were inserted.
This film does nothing that Private Ryan and 1917 hasn't already done. In fact these two films did everything much better.
I get that the film is from the German POV, but again this is nothing new in film and even television. And remember this book was translated into English in the 1920s with several popular English speaking adaptations.
Harry & Meghan: The Complete Story (2022)
Bore fest. Why did I do it to t?
Two privileged rich bores moan about how hard their life is. Switched off three quarters of the way through, I couldn't bare listening to these any longer as they came across as very fake.
It is not a documentary and shouldn't be described as such. There are lots of things stated in the show that have been proven as false. Many of the scenes of the paparazzi are actually for a film premiere completely unrelated to this pair. Also the show never challenges the pair or does any simple fact checking.
I watched out of curiosity but can conclude it it utter tedium. Don't waste your time like I did.
The Gray Man (2022)
A lazy, clichéd BOREFEST.
After about 3-minutes into the film, the story is plunged from nowhere into an over-the-top, ridiculous action scene. And this tedious formula is basically repeated continually throughout this film. There is no story, no character development, just a load of daft action sequences loosely tied together. The story shifts from country to country in the blink of on eye for absolutely no apparent reason except maybe to brag. It's like a tick-box of every other action film, but WITHOUT the story, humour or good acting. The CGI is also appalling but in a film so bad that was the least of its problems. I really couldn't wait for this bore fest to end and honestly couldn't care who survived the chaos. I go to the cinema every week and can honestly say this is easily the WORSE FILM I HAVE SEEN IN LAST 5 YEARS.
Malignant (2021)
Absolutely appalling
The worst film I've seen in about 10 years. I love horror, all types of horrors, but this nonsense was excruciating bad. The acting and dialogue could come from a cheap soap opera.
Blonde Fist (1991)
Daft, often funny, 90s nostalgia
The adventures of Ronnie, a tough working-class girl from Liverpool. The film follows Ronnie from the rough streets of Liverpool, to prison and then to New York. The characters are cliched and comical but the film doesn't take itself seriously, so I think it gets away with it. It has many funny and touching moments and I enjoyed it. Everyone I know thought it hilarious and Margi Clark suits the role of crude-talking wisecracking Ronnie. A film of its time.
Us (2019)
From Get Out to this rubbish!!!
Imagine Scary Movie without the laughs - you have Us. This "horror " film actually achieves what I thought was impossible - makes Hereditary look good. It was so painfully poor, from the acting, the dialogue, the story it's hard to conceive it was directed by the same crew as Get Out. Why this wasn't a straight to DVD I have no idea. Perhaps we're living in such a PC world it would be deemed racist. It was the only film in my entire life I've been tempted to ask for a refund.
Bird Box (2018)
A poor rip-off of "Quite place":
Don't fall for the hype like I did - this film is garbage. It's so cringe worthy bad I'm keeping this review deliberately short as I've already wasted too much time on this nonsense.
Bird Box (2018)
A poor rip-off of "Quite place":
Don't fall for the hype like I did - this film is garbage. It's so cringe worthy bad I'm keeping this review deliberately short as I've already wasted too much time on this nonsense.
Hereditary (2018)
Overrated bore fest of a movie
Not since Blairwitch project has there been so much hype for a horror movie. I hated Blairwtich but hereditary is even worse. A cliche riddled film that robs from of lots of classic horrors but fails to deliver. A cast of very unlikable characters moping and feeling very sorry for themselves. I very quickly couldn't care less what happened to any them. Hereditary tries to be clever and intriguing but to me the real story is fairly obvious- in fact there's a big clue in the title. This daft horror takes itself far too seriously and perhaps a bit of black humour may have saved this grim moan-fest.
T2 Trainspotting (2017)
20 year wait for this train crash of a sequel!
The original Trainspotting was One of the most stylish, iconic, shocking and funniest films of the 90s decade - now its back with the same cast and director and based on a novel by the author of Trainspotting. What could go wrong - well everything really. This film is a lazy sequel where the only good points are the nods it gives to the original. Anyone who hasn't seen the original will wonder what all the fuss is about as T2 is like a cheap TV movie. No humour, average acting (at best), forgettable soundtrack and weak story. The original was imaginative, almost artistic- well it was about heroin after all! T2 in comparison felt like a cobbled together load of weak comedy sketches. By the end I couldn't have cared which characters lived or died. This sequel I predict will be soon forgotten about and then we can all get back to talking about how great the Trainspotting was. Danny Boyle has made another dud film although I'm sure he'll earn lots from us nostalgics. Choose life - choose another film.
Grimsby (2016)
British comedy at it WORST
The film opens with a couple having sex only to turn out its in a bed shop - believe me this was probably the only mildly funny joke in the whole film. I love parody genre but this film is awful. Badly acted, weak storyline, lazy and most of all not funny. Sasha Cohan and Strong both stand out as poor actors maybe they were embarrassed with such a weak dialogue and lack of jokes. The film also inserts a couple of gross moments just for the sake of it - but they are not funny or shocking by today's standards - more a lazy attemp to get people talking. The action/spy scenes didn't fit with the film and it felt at times they were trying to blow a budget (spend on good comedy script writing in future). Sasha Cohen can pull off many convincing characters but couldn't do a convincing northern Brit. I wouldn't even find this film funny if I was stoned. Avoid at all costs.
Under the Skin (2013)
If your open minded give it a try
I am surprised by the amount of negative criticism about this film as I found it mesmerising and intriguing. If your expecting some Hollywood movie about a sexy alien killing lots of dull characters in a gory and sensationalised way (with lots of explosions thrown in), then you will be disappointed. The pace is slow however I felt that this contributed to the whole feel and atmosphere. I liked the use of Scotland as a setting especially the way it contrasted the natural beauty of Scotland with some of the urban ugliness that exists. I also liked the way Scarlett Johansson played the main role - cool, sexy and almost emotionless. I am glad I didn't watch this at the cinema as watching it at home meant I could discuss the film during the many periods of calm. There were a few arty scenes in the film but I did not feel these were pretentious or contrived, again they added to the feel of the film. The ending was a little disappointing in my opinion but I still feel this film is classy, original and will make most people think!
La haine (1995)
Dull, dreary and pointless
After all the good reviews and as a fan of European films I was so much looking forward to this film - but I ended up being so disappointed. The film was supposed to be set in the aftermath of the Paris riots but for all the film portrayed it could have been after a bit of rain. There was no sense of anger, loss or hopelessness - just a bunch of young men moaning and brooding. These men were so unsympathetic I lost any kind of concern for them very early on. To me they just seemed a bunch of me, me,me victim-mentality that is all too common now. The dialogue was trying to be real and urban but it just came across as stilted. Anyway this film drones on and on without any plot twists, change of pace or building of tension. The obvious "tragic" ending couldn't have come soon enough for me. I am sure this is a case of "emperors new clothes" and most of the people who say they like it are just saying it. Not a patch on "irreversible", "City of god" "Im not Scared" etc